So, what did y’all do for National Suck a Fireman’s Cock day?

Sorry for the live tests but better than dead tests.

What?

I don’t like pot as I think I’ve gone to great lengths to establish. I’m not trying to protect myself or present a false front and it’s not that I don’t like things. Lord no. I will use canned air on the empty bottle of hydrocodone to get the last dust. I will lick the underside of that cowpie smooth before I let a microgram of psilocybin bearing fungus escape back to the Earth. And they don’t call me the fifth for my love of bourbon but some enterprising biographer will make it funny someday.

I just don’t like marijuana. Not my cup of green tea.

Which is strange because I wrote a love song to Mary Jane recently. I like the lyrics pretty well but I know I’ll never record it and probably never perform it since the music for it is too close to another song I am going to keep and play.

So, it’s yours. Attribution only Creative Commons license.

Just got a lot less comfortable being a tax protestor I suppose.

Most of you would rather read about a woman getting raped than see a woman open-carry a firearm.

GOOGLE HAS IT.

To paraphrase one of the masters: Promise something. Kill me right away if I start to browse on April first.

On Sat, Mar 23, 2013 at 11:15 AM, ___________________ wrote:
> Hi!
>
> Currently the dev team does not have an easy access to a Sybase ASE
> server (properly installing and configuring one is a massive bitch).

Gendered language, man. I know you didn't mean it as an insult to anyone, but it costs us literally nothing to use better words[*] and avoid splash damage.

Apologies for the derail!

[*] namely, that installing Sybase is a fucking pain in the ass

FOOTNOTE. LIKE A BOSS.

All it would take to fix the other issue is a national 30mph speed limit cap. I think it’s a great idea. I don’t know why you insist another million Americans die for no reason. Oh, yeah, it’s called the motherfucking cost of doing business. High speed limits save more than they cost. Most all freedom does.

Kind of a surprise to see Britney Spears on the cover of Rolling Stone these days. Good for her. I wonder why she got breast reduction surgery though.

Thanks a lot for making my 5 year-old cry—and me the bad guy—when I declined to dig up our recently deceased cat to reverse-electrocute last night. A+ messaging there, asshole.

Hey Sedition,

In your honest opinion, do you think America is headed for fiery bloody doom or do we have a fighting chance to make it through this century?

You neglect option C: with a whimper.

…and I had unfettered and unaudited access to the full customer database, all email, refunds, gift-certificates, catalog records, celebrities’ addresses and shopping lists, and chargebacks. I think I can be trusted with some dead guy’s X-ray.

Date: Fri, 8 Oct 2010 08:53:15 -0700
Subject: on your left-leaning, liberal, education-centric politics

If power corrupts wouldn’t you have to agree that an inept, borderline retarded, governance would be superior to a cagey, well-organized, skilled one?

You know who plays Strats?

Wife beaters, that’s who.

Via.

Clear a form with the reset button.

<script type="text/javascript">
jQuery(function($){
  $("input[type=reset]").click(function(){
     $(this).closest("form")
            .find(":input")
            .not(":button, :submit, :reset, :hidden")
            .val("")
            .removeAttr("checked")
            .removeAttr("selected");
     return false;
  });
});
</script>

Needs citation… I cannot remember where I picked most/all of this up. HURR.

Here is a cute picture of our President with a 16 year-old girl!

And here is another!

WE DOAN ALL WAN TTO KILL YOOS.

ONLY LIEK 88% OV US.

SO UH, ENJOY PRESIDENT MCKILLSTAIN. OH, WUT? TEH RESULTS ARENT IN YET? HOW TEH F&^% BOUT DAT..

Obama Suggests ‘Secretary of Business’ in a 2^nd Term

President Barack Obama signaled if he wins a second term he would appoint a Secretary of Business to oversee newly-consolidated government agencies, including the Small Business Administration, and predicted “a war” will break out within the Republican Party after the Nov. 6 election. Washington Wire, Carol E. Lee, blogs.wsj.com

It’s not just the Right that’s dedicated to emulating Atlas Shrugged. Of course they at least have the illusion that they’re the protagonists.

Via.

Oh, I think you were a tool before art school.

…never. But here’s the jacket anyway.

It’s not a contest. And if it is a contest, I win.

Dear _____,

I know you were not trying to be a despicable bastard when you lied about me having discussed all the work issues and given my FMLA notice because you had been sure you could pressure me into not taking the time off to care for my new born girl by telling me it was woman-work my wife ought to be doing. I was just really fucking lucky I could find the four month-old emails to prove I was telling the truth since no one wanted to take my word over yours which in itself was a bit miraculous.

In the end it doesn’t matter that you weren’t trying to be rotten human being, or a lousy Christian to double up the point. It only matters that you didn’t try hard enough not to be.

• Beautiful women will go out with me because no one ever asks them out.
• It’s completely irrelevant what anyone in the world thinks. I have a job. Chocolate cake, bacon, and peanut butter on cheddar for breakfast is not your business.
• Ancient Age is a perfectly cromulent liter of whiskey for $12 US whether I have a job or not.