They don't like to be called Indians. It’s Native Subcontinentals.

David Brooks. His head exploding.

…The things I do for gay men I meet online.

Matt Drudge really has become a sort of National Enquirer Lite™. I must point out that this is a bit of an unintended slight against the good people at the Enquirer who write more than headlines for a living. Word count alone, Matt is probably the highest paid creative writer in history.¹ And this includes the artist formerly known as Richard Bachman. Back of the envelop calculations suggest Matt makes something like $8 per word he writes. Doesn’t sound like that much. If I made that this site would have paid me $6.3 million so far. This post alone would be another $1,984.

Here’s a typical day’s output for Matt–

This about nuclear power actually. Not weapons. He’s doing this more and more. For example he wrote this about Obama starting his car–

ONE KEY TURN AWAY FROM A SERIES OF PERFECTLY TIMED EXPLOSIONS

And this for the Maine Lobster Festival–

THOUSANDS BOILED ALIVE IN A SINGLE DAY!

His piece after losing his virginity–

SEX SHOWN TO CAUSE AN 60% DECREASE IN PENIS SIZE
ACCOMPANIES SEVERE ELECTROLYTE LOSS

The headline for when his mother reached menopause–

AFTER BLEEDING FOR 35 YEARS, WOMAN’S ORGANS CEASE TO FUNCTION

And after his failed bar mitzvah–

EAST-COAST JEWS STINGY, VINDICTIVE

…S’okay. We can’t all be men, Matt. Or journalists.

I dreamt about writing a blog post.

It had a fairly gruesome and low tech photograph of a dog skull on a plate. The skull had a little meat still on it but it wasn’t fresh. The plate was on a table with a vinyl, green checkered table cloth. The photo was mine, was taken in “my house,” and I was distinctly embarrassed for a moment about readers seeing the surroundings in the picture. Then I realized the hyper grainy, 70s-Polaroid nature of it would make it certainly appear “found” and not a portrait of my dining table and generally white-trash surroundings.

I was looking through Google images for a picture of a live dog to match the skull; looking for golden retrievers.

I don’t remember what the post was supposed to be but it was funny.

I would like reiterate my apology. I’m really sorry. To be clear, I need to say the person who might also owe you an apology is the bitch across the aisle from you that hip checked me while I was passing.

Yes. That is a fly.

Via http://gizmodo.com.

Additionally, let’s turn this into a Perl post, shall we? I keep the images here organized, roughly, in dirs by initials. For example sedition-dot-soda.jpg is in img/s/d/s. Typing makedir 26³ times wouldn’t be much fun. Yet that was the road I was on for awhile. Doing them as needed. Idiot me.

You wonder why some of us love Perl soooooo much? This is just one reason–

perl -le'for("a".."zzz"){$d=join"/",split"";`mkdir $d` unless -d $d; print $d}'

Update: And the improved version I should have done as suggested by Maximum Solo–

perl -le'for("a".."zzz"){$d=join"/",split""; mkdir $d and print $d}'

Furthermore, three exclamation points is appropriate only when being ax murdered. Srsly. Dnt mk me sho u.

Maybe the single barrel Kentucky is a bad mixer for the news but… A small plane was landing on one of the lakes when Air Force One was flying. Small planes land and take off from the lakes here in fair weather constantly.

Get this gem–

There is no system for notifying private pilots about airspace restrictions. It’s incumbent upon them to check to see if restrictions are in place.

king5.com

I heard the sonic booms at work and didn’t like it one bit. It didn’t rattle the glass the way I’m used to from growing up in ’Burque so the sound really came off more like a couple of extremely powerful, slightly distant explosions. Since I wasn’t the only one who thought exactly the same thing, this led to–

911 call centers overloaded

Emergency agencies across Western Washington were flooded with calls from people who heard and felt a double boom about 1:50 p.m.

king5.com

Wonder how much time and money this wasted. JK, LOL! The plane—its pilot and passenger—was met, a bit after landing, by the Secret Service.

Once they landed, Dailey and Joseph were interviewed by the Secret Service. The Secret Service then spent about 90 minutes checking out the plane.

king5.com

–because the Secret Service are a bunch of fucking morons. And maybe because they were tossing the plane looking for drugs or something else so they could make the ridiculous overreaction seem somehow fortuitous. Well, maybe it wasn’t terrorists, this time, but, hey, look! Pot!

Besides all the wasted money here let’s note that they scrambled jets from Portland, not one of the local bases. I wonder if perhaps this was because they feared local pilots would be unwilling to shoot down a plane over Seattle or King County, potentially killing family, et cetera. Good thinking! The point being that the fighters got here after the little plane landed. So if this had been an actual emergency, and not another jaundiced threat level, the POTUS and the city would have been shit out of luck.

Go USA. Next time don’t forget the American proverb: You can’t unscramble scrambled jets.

Now we know what she’s been up to since they closed Abu Ghraib.

From sachim.tumblr.com.

Boy, 13, struck by lightning — on Friday the 13th

That’s some fine news gathering there. May we humbly suggest an alternative story that might be worth pursuing, you know if you have spare cycles in the coming years.

Afghanistan, 263, struck by US armed forced — on every fucking day of the last 9 years

In related news: Pop quiz: Where is Osama bin Laden? If you answered Afghanistan or Iraq you’re as dumb as your votes.

Teen sex not always bad for school performance

That’s what I keep telling the seniors at the high school down the street!

Israel to buy world's most advanced warplane

Israel's Defence Minister Ehud Barak on Sunday approved the purchase of a fleet of US-built F-35 strike fighters … Israel is initially expected to buy 20 of the aircraft in a deal worth an estimated 2.75 billion dollars…

AFP/File

The United States maintained grant aid to Israel at $3 billion annually and implemented a free trade agreement in 1985…

Wikipedia

It was beautiful. We were selling … their own fat asses back to them.

Fight Club

If Aliens Exist, They Will Probably Love Bach

If we ever make contact with aliens, they might be more interested in learning about Van Gogh and Bach than Einstein or Newton, scientists said Saturday.

SPACE.com

Scientists said Sunday that the bratwurst was overcooked.

Scientists said Monday that you better pick up your room before I get home, I have to grade papers tonight.

Scientists said Tuesday, she’s just my GA, for Godsakes! Why do you keep asking about her?

Scientists said on Wednesday, you’re fucking kidding? None of the beakers was washed between trials? Well… I mean… we can’t just throw that data out without thinking this through, right?

Scientists said on Thursday that the grant money is mine and neither you nor your snooping little ethics committee can do anything about it.

Scientists said on Friday, yeah, you want the house, you can have the fucking house! I won’t be needing it anymore!

Scientists said in a final statement you won’t have me to kick around anymore after tomorrow and a few of you might not be left to do any kicking either.