Your candidate, I presume? #2

Wednesday, 5 August 2020

“The case where we cannot let this we've never allowed any crisis from the Civil War straight through to that pandemic of seventeen all the way around sixteen we have never never let our democracy sakes second fiddle way that we can both have a democracy and elections and at the same time correct the public health.”

Joe Biden, probably.
No? Actually literally?
Well, I’ll, I mean we’ll, be damned.

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Austin, Texas is the new Austin, Texas

Tuesday, 18 February 2020

Apparently, inexplicably, media is reporting that Austin is like the shiznit today and you should consider it and just see!

Austin 20 years ago was awesome but already at the top of its bell. Austin today is fucking garbage; like most of Texas. And I encourage you to doubt me and move there. I really, really do.

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George Foreman I is going down in the first

Friday, 20 December 2019

I’m well past my expiration date at this point. You’ll have to ask my kids for the exact MAR10 because I am and ever have been a calendartard. I can tell you this, though, with absolute certainty–

I could take George Foreman today. Any hour of the day. You wake me up from a dead sleep and I’ll still put him down in 2 minutes and 57 seconds. No lie. And I gotta say… Ali is no match for me today either.

And I think you all see the lesson already. Patience.

All you have to have to defeat the greats, to become the greatest, is patience.

In fact, patience will literally solve every problem you have or could… if you just wait long enough… I guarantee, your problems will evaporate; with the mortician’s ministrations.

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I don’t win every fight in my dreams

Saturday, 14 December 2019

On another note, I didn’t remember till this moment but I had a dream about Nancy Jenkins last night. Where I ran into her in Taos and reminded her she threatened to flunk me in Humanities if I didn’t sell raffle tickets for Theater (a class I was not in). She had a rather slippery non-apology about it in the dream. I was ashamed for her that she felt she had to dig in about it these 33 years later.

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How on Earth are there only two results in Google for this?

Tuesday, 21 May 2019

“Salesforce is garbage.”

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Lara Logan is a hero

Tuesday, 19 February 2019


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Just occurs to me

Thursday, 17 January 2019

When does the backlash against Siri and Alexa and whatever other agents begin because they relegate “women” to subservient positions, virtual slavery?

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ASCII is not your friend

Monday, 3 December 2018

Mi papa tiene 50 anos.

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Thursday, 22 November 2018

About 83 results (0.48 seconds)

Let’s revisit this in awhile, shall we?

  1. 2018-12-19: About 21,000 results.
  2. 2019-01-19: About 28,600 results… it was quite a lot higher a week ago… methinks Google is a supporter.
  3. 2019-03-02: About 80,100 results.
  4. 2019-08-01: About 53,200 results. Ah… Google… Never change.
  5. 2019-11-13: About 71 results. Oh, Google… spank me till I’m Blue.
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Shelved replies #3,229

Wednesday, 18 July 2018

Completely agree with your underlying points and conclusions. I take issue with Musk. I know you and _____ both like him. I’ve never seen it.

He says profoundly stupid things somewhat regularly. Like nuking Mars to create an atmosphere. It’s a total non-starter without a significant magnetosphere; and more gravity wouldn’t hurt. So it’s a naïf’s idea of how to solve a problem. The kind of thing a 14 year-old clutching an “Omni” magazine suggests, not a, cough, genius. Pure Dunning-Kruger wedded with the hubris of a lucky billionaire, just like the cave submarine. On any topic other than venture capital, subsidies, and tax breaks he doesn't seem to even know enough to know how little he knows.

His We’re almost certainly living in a simulation is another example. It’s *exactly* the same error as religion. Just from a teen boy's perspective, again, of Existence is hard to understand. There must have been some kind of creator… What would be cooler than God? Aliens! No, alien computers!!!

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You know what occurs to me seeing Harvey Weinstein doing the perp walk?

Sunday, 27 May 2018

How high the ratio of his accusers to actresses whose careers have mystified me is.

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Dennis Perrin’s still got it –OR– #Oprah2020

Tuesday, 9 January 2018


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#ChristmasParty #MeToo

Monday, 25 December 2017

#MeToo #ChristmasParty
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“Exceptional Libertarian”

Saturday, 9 December 2017


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Things I regret

Monday, 4 December 2017

Not getting up and walking out of church in the middle of the sermon when I was 17 and the new Pastor went off the fucking rails.

Not telling Paige that she was perhaps the least attractive woman working at Amazon and her misunderstanding of my Clinton/Lewinsky pun making her and her half-pint, hippy, loser boyfriend think that I might actually be interested in her was a thousand times more offensive than the close-up photo of a hirsute pussy tattooed like Castro with the woman holding a cigar to her cooter that she had emailed me 10 minutes before my joke.

Not manning up in that parking lot when I was buying a teddy bear for Marlene and ______ told me what she told me in the way that my treatment of her forced her.

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Those who do not leave a reason…

Thursday, 26 October 2017

…in their suicide note are maybe doing you the biggest favor they ever did.

The reason might be you. The reason might be compelling. The reason might sit in the soft loam like an acorn in the shady green depths of your soul.

The reason might be much, much worse than never knowing.

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Re: The deaths in Charlottesville, Virginia today

Saturday, 12 August 2017

If all y’all had just ignored the white nationalists today, no one would be dead and they would have had no publicity.

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Go ahead, unsee it

Sunday, 30 July 2017


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Is there anything more insulting…

Friday, 30 June 2017

…than someone asserting there is no free will?

Don’t see it? Everything you ever loved, you didn’t. You had no choice. Everything good you ever did, nope, you didn’t. Everything you ever cried over, laughed about, reveled in… It was meaningless.

No free will means you are meaningless. Saying it’s so is the same as calling everyone meaningless.

Might want to keep it to yourself around me. A lot of love, reveling, and good deeds sometimes purchased at high cost. Smear them if you must but understand, if there really is no free will then whatever happens to you after you assert it… Well, I shall have no choice in the matter.

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This week in the news #78, shortbus

Wednesday, 24 May 2017


If this is true… If this is true…

Since Duterte took office in June, Philippine national police and vigilante death squads have embarked on a campaign to slaughter drug users as well as drug dealers. “Hitler massacred three million Jews [sic], now, there’s three million drug addicts. I’d be happy to slaughter them,” he said in September. [ibid]

If this is true, Trump is the biggest piece of shit that has ever refused to flush in the American toilet bowl. Explains Sessions though. I guess.

When Trump is shot—or defeated in 2020 by a Hispanic lesbian Democrat—I will drink all the toasts I can manage. I long for the day I can buy a ticket to the city in which he is interred so I can piss on his grave. If this is true.

If not… I’ll call the first toast or two enough.

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Buy American

Friday, 31 March 2017

I try to do The Right Thing®. I shop U.S.A.!!! But I’m telling you… I think I’m’a shop Chinese for cockrings going forward.

USA cockring

Also… how does Chrome not recognize “cockring” as a valid word? What the fuck year is this, 1952?

Misspelled cockrings

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Celebrate a Day without a Woman!

Thursday, 9 March 2017

Don’t say, “You mean Christmas?” Don’t say, “You mean Christmas?” Don’t say, “You mean Christmas?” You mean Christmas? …D’Oh!

Oh, okay… Hanukkah!

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America just needs to find some common ground to solve the current strife and turmoil

Thursday, 2 February 2017

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I haven’t been sexy in a long time –or– Hat-trick

Friday, 20 January 2017

Sexist. I meant sexist. Don’t pretend you didn’t know what I meant.

After Amy, Patti and Ron, Chel–sea, the drinky McWondertwins, the chronic gone girls with the power of invisibility given by media in love…

It’s nice is all I’m saying. Just once in my lifetime. To have a stone fox, sexpot first daughter. For once in American history!

I am positive the allegations of incest are exaggerated and that when Trump said, ”If Ivanka weren’t my daughter, perhaps I’d be dating her,” he meant it. Nothing ever happened. He’s never touched her. He just fantasizes about it when he bangs the poor girl’s stepmother.

Me: Shit! Goddamn it! What is even wrong with you? Whuhhh… Nothing as funny as misogyny except maybe incest?! ಠ_ಠ

Myself: Thank goodness. It’s so nice to hear you finally agree with me about something.

Me: Pffff… And I noticed you squeezed in a little bonus homophobia there.

Myself: Wait? Was that gas or did you say something? Between your breath and your mumbling, I can’t tell the difference.

Me: Ron. …In the list.

Myself: Ha! A) I’m not homophobic. As I’ve gone to great lengths to repeat: I wish every other man in the world were gay. B) Ron is not gay, you liberal fuck. C) Calling Ron a first daughter is a joke he’d like. He’s a hell of a lot funnier than you are and he knows I earned the right to make the joke. I took ballet too.

Me: Made your stupid deadline with this tripe. Happy now?

Myself: All day long.

Me: Why? You didn’t vote for the newly minted… what did you call him on the chalkboard in November? Trashfire in Chief. New Yorker bit you a couple days ago, you know?

Myself: Mmmm, hmmmm… I’ve got a case of schadenfreude that makes watching the director’s cut of the Lord of the Rings on cyclobenzaprine and clomipramine while lying in a tub of warm jello seem like a prom date with my sister.

Me: What the actual fuck? …Why?

Myself: All day long. Hillary Diane née Rodham, mother-fucking, Clinton and the acres of pussy Bill plumbed that she had to ignore and the thousand humiliations and the setbacks and losing the big chair to a black Chicago nobody and all the rest. And she put up with it. All of it! The endless lies. The gallons of pride she had to swallow. She endured it and she beat them all. No amount of scandals or bad behavior got in the way. She played the party and the process like the devil plays a fiddle. And she did it for what she has to watch someone else get again today. And not just anyone else. The least deserving, least qualified, most absurd person imaginable and by an electoral…college…win. Agony and ecstasy live together in perfect harmony. Side by s–

Me: She won’t watch it.

Myself: She will. And because she will, and only because she will, so will I. I want to feel every second of it through her.

Me: I won’t watch it.

Myself: Oh, I’ll fill you in. If you know what I mean. Wuf! You go take your moral stand over there, okay? The grown-ups have to catch up on our stories.

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One State, Two State, Penny and Dime

Sunday, 15 January 2017

If Israeli Jews are to retain their homeland—while rejecting a two-state solution to the “Palestinian Problem”—based on nothing but the fact that it is their homeland, I submit: Every Israeli must take a DNA test; every Palestinian too. Those who most closely match any bones from 5,000 year old burial sites… say, within 90% or else we’re not letting in the Chosen really, they are, alone, allowed to stay.

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