QWA #1: the debut edition

Queries from the Weblog Addressed #1. All topics, questions, &c will come directly from the weblog. The answers will come from Ireland and Kentucky with just a skosh of ergot.

things not to say when firing someone

We’re really looking for someone with a little less melanin.

Your co-workers constantly complain about your huge breasts being distracting.

We’re not letting you go because you stink, but Jesus that odor helped tip the balance.

Severance pay. Blow job. Severance pay. Blow job. Seems like it would be an easy decision, doesn’t it?

Do you hear that? [silence] It’s the sound of the job market shouting out your name.

I have to let you go because your replacement has shown much less aversion to to a blumpkin now and then.

You know, even though the company has broken about 16 Federal statutes this quarter alone, firing you won’t be one of them.

I just have to ask you since you’re leaving: are you like clinically retarded or is it just a bad case of ADD or what?

We have to lay you off because we have too many people in this division. If 3 or 4 of them were to die in an office shooting or something, we’d have room to take you back though.

What do you say to a goodbye pork?