Awwwww, geeeeeeze Edith! Pearl Hahrbor day?

Thursday, 7 December 2006

Kamikaze George

Pearl Harbor day snuck, sneaked, snuck up on me. [Those sneaky Japanese!] Instead of talking about how evil the Japanese used to be before they started making transistor radios and tentacle-based romance novels let’s talk about a hypothetical attack on the US. We will always have to be vigilant. It’s self-evident.

What scares me most is a direct large-scale attack on the US. Can you imagine if terrorists burned down the White House? God, I can barely contain my anger just thinking about it. I’m sure they want to do it. What if they burned down every single government building in DC? The Library of Congress, the House and Senate, all of it.

America could collapse. Think about it. No government to save us and make sure the country runs all right on a daily basis. But if by some miracle we managed to withstand such an assault, it would be our obligation to seek justice.

We’d have to crush the perpetrators utterly. If they were sponsored by any foreign governments, we should definitely, definitely, definitely, invade and not rest until the leaders of those countries were executed and their governments replaced with democratically elected bodies.

Osama bin Cockburn

Any real patriot realizes it wouldn’t matter how long it took. We would never be safe for a moment if we didn’t show terrorists everywhere that American justice is inexorable, guaranteed. No one attacks us and walks away from it. You don’t burn down the Capitol of the United States of America and think you’ll just turn around and be our friends a few years later. You must be brought to justice!

So I propose we do something about it. Because it’s not actually hypothetical, it happened.

British forces destroyed just about every government building in DC. It was not recently but it was well after the Revolutionary War. We can’t let the distance in time stand in the way of justice. Canada helped—and to this day could attack us at any moment along a huge unguarded border—so they need to be invaded too. Think of the great park we could turn the place into!

And Australia, we’ll be keeping an eye on you.

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