Dear Cort,

Friday, 21 April 2006

When you and I saw the news on television together of the slaughter of peacefully demonstrating students near Tiananmen Square you made a joke about it. I understand that humor in the face of horror is very human and very healthy. That day however I went straight to the shower, without a word, in all my clothes—which I’d never done before nor have done since—and cried for an hour while the water beat down on me. Cried like I was 10 and the dog that had been my best friend from the crib had just died again. Cried like I was choking to death. Wishing only that I could.

I got married on the same day years later, in part, because I knew in my entire life it wasn’t an anniversary I could ever forget.

I saw a photo of Bill Gates toasting the president of communist China today.

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