This week in the news #3

Monday, 28 August 2006

Real estate is still a real value

Written by Linda Stern at Reuters. One can only assume Ms Stern currently has a difficult listing receiving infrequent nibbles entirely without the proper level of enthusiasm.

Nude teens raise eyebrows

Theresa Toney … complain[ed] about a group of youngsters naked in a parking lot. “The parking lot is not a strip club,” she said. “What about children seeing this?”

You mean the kids whose heads are still getting the right shape after being squeezed through a vagina, the kids that suck naked tits for breakfast, lunch, and supper, or the kids that need their naked asses cleaned 6 times a day and don’t get to bathe alone till their 13th birthday? Are those the kids who will be damaged by casual public nudity?

Put down the Fruit of Knowledge, honey. It wasn’t meant for you.

Farmers believe cows “moo” with an accent

Cows believe farmers should spend more time with human women and less time complimenting cows on their accents.

Stick of dynamite found in checked luggage

Made it from Argentina to Houston where it did not, alas, effect any improvements to that city or state.

Harris clarifies comments on religion

Pond clarifies comments on Katherine Harris: Loopy cunt.1

U.S. works to defuse spat with Venezuela

Little optimism to be found. Kissinger is apparently no longer the match-maker of choice.

Soft drink companies reach benzene deal

With 10.67 Pepsis to the gallon at about 50¢ each I think they should have realized a long time ago that there’s no future in benzene.

Activist’s remark starts FBI probe

Jim Bensman got an FBI call because the local toiletnewspaper exaggerated his suggestion to remove a dam at a public debate over what to do to ameliorate fish migration problems caused by the dam.

What the FBI man who answered criticism about the overreaction said should be the most welcome statement ever published for terrorists out to get America. He said–

We have to investigate everything.

There’s your manna, my bèturbanned foes. All it will take to shut down every public and federal agency in the United States of America will be a pocketful of quarters, a pay phone, and showing up to a town meeting or two unshaven and saying, “Boo.”

Taller people are smarter: study

Short people got no reason. Short people got no reason…

Ho, ho, ho.

More this week in the news via Google.

1 Yes, it’s stolen.
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