Why I can guarantee you won’t see any new pictures of Debbie Schlussel on her website anytime soon

Friday, 4 May 2007

Update: Mizz Schlussel says she’s gonna sue over the photos so they’re down till I either manipulate them which makes them protected as satire (uh, oh, Debbie, are you sure you know what you’re getting into) or figure something else out.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking but it’s uniquely dangerous to shoot the agent of your Karma.

Still, I want you to take a moment and curse me. Really let it out. Start a comment in your mind. All the expletives you can affix to the word “misogynist.”

Now, there are some good reasons to go after her that we won’t really dig as deeply as I’d like because she’s pulled her posts; the epitome of bad netiquette by the way. She recently pretended to prove that Cho Seung-hui was a Pakistani Moslem, making the Virginia Tech massacre another reason Iran needs to be returned to sender. Why would someone do this? Because she cannot tell the difference between two different men of a race other than her own. Well, not her own, but… oh, dear, better not.

Why I’m entitled to do the pictorial above–

NAAFA hails fat celebrities, like actress Camryn Manheim ("I proudly say I'm a size 24. I really, really don't want a life without tiramisu," she told Marie Claire mag), author of New York Times best-seller "Wake Up, I'm Fat." Wake up, you're disgusting.

This is what she said about Camryn Manheim, a woman who is not only very talented but seems to be enjoying her life. Wouldn’t that be something, Debbie!

Calling people fat has a rich tradition of the old boomerang. I remember when Al Franken put on about 100lbs right after he published Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations. I can only lament I never read the book since I’m sure the other observations were equally keen.

This got me reflecting though. What if I get fat someday? Won’t everyone get a big laugh out of that because I insulted so many heavy people? But I realized I haven’t. I generally don’t put much stock in looks, color, size, whatnot. Only when it’s ironic, like a Yiddish girl having trouble telling two completely different Korean men apart or calling some woman disgusting for refusing to be ashamed of enjoying dessert. Maybe Debbie’s just jealous. She shouldn’t be though. She’d have an Emmy® too if they had a category for Best Post By a Deranged Unconsciously Ironic Racist Bitch. They can’t give them all to Malkin and Coulter.

I do call a lot of people stupid though. A lot. I wish automatic readers could read italics. I feel bad that my section 508 readers don’t know that “a lot” was just in italics.

So I was getting nervous that I’ll be stupid someday. That’s how it works. The Gods love that shit. But I think it’s more of a Flowers for Algernon situation because the great thing about calling other people idiots is that if I’m someday struck on the head by a dresser falling off some Okie’s unsecured load of crap on the Interstate and lose most of my IQ, I will be too stupid to comprehend the irony of ever having called anyone stupid.

Myself: How you can even manage to get to look like that without pork products is beyond me.

Me: Hey. God, man, why? What do you have against Jews?

Myself: Truthfully?

Me: Yes.

Myself: It’s kind of humiliating but when I was a kid there was a Jewish kid who used to pick on me every fucking day. Take my lunch money. Kick my ass. See this tooth? Chipped that knocking me against the urinal. Gave me a swirly and presented me to the drill team in my underwear. I guess I never got over that and I’m just lashing out.

Me: Whoah. That’s awful. Who the hell was it?

Myself: Oh, you know. Josh Watanabe.

Me: What? Watanabe is a Japanese name.

Myself: Huh… Looked Jewish to me.

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Re: Why I can guarantee you won’t see any new pictures of Debbie Schlussel on her website anytime …

all i see in the first photo is another bleached blonde and make up ..that would stop me from listening to what she had to say ..

By anne on 4 May 2007 · 05:38