I have two normal feet and I can’t see the slightest God-damned reason why anybody should stare at them.
Saturday, 24 March 2007
Dear guy who pees without using his hands:
You work on the 7th floor of US1 in downtown Seattle. You stand at the urinal with both hands on your hips.
Stop it.
You freak everyone out, man.
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A Dog and a Cock, who were the best of friends, wished very much to see something of the world. So they decided to leave the farmyard and to set out into the world along the road that led to the woods. The two comrades traveled along in the very best of spirits and without meeting any adventure to speak of.
At nightfall the Cock, looking for a place to roost, as was his custom, spied nearby a hollow tree that he thought would do very nicely for a night’s lodging. The Dog could creep inside and the Cock would fly up on one of the branches. So said, so done, and both slept very comfortably.
With the first glimmer of dawn the Cock awoke. For the moment he forgot just where he was. He thought he was still in the farmyard where it had been his duty to arouse the household at daybreak. So standing on tip-toes he flapped his wings and crowed lustily. But instead of awakening the farmer, he awakened a Fox not far off in the wood. The Fox immediately had rosy visions of a very delicious breakfast. Hurrying to the tree where the Cock was roosting, he said very politely:
“A hearty welcome to our woods, honored sir. I cannot tell you how glad I am to see you here. I am quite sure we shall become the closest of friends.”
“I feel highly flattered, kind sir,” replied the Cock slyly. “If you will please go around to the door of my house at the foot of the tree, my porter will let you in.”
The hungry but unsuspecting Fox, went around the tree as he was told, and in a twinkling the Dog had seized him.
Take that, subspace.
Discussion
Comments
Re: To the guy who pees without using his hands
I suspect and regret that any ninny who pees without using hands is unlikely to be a sedition reader in which case i *also* regret that this didnt happen back in the days when I was 'resting'. I could have swum the Rio Puget, borrowed someone's card into US1 and lurked around the 7th floor loo until this buffoon came along.
Nor do I think I would have needed spend much time in the loo itself: handless pee-ers tend to announce themselves even before they've pointed percy at the porcelain. I would have spotted him by his power gait or breezy way of greeting others.
What I haven't yet worked out is how one would challenge him: these things need careful timing and phrasing for maximum shock and spillage.
"Oh - for GOD's sake!!! It's the idiot who pees without using his hands!!!"
Ideally, one would have a ninja pal ready with hood and handcuffs so as to prolong the damage.
Anyway, i hate to think of the twerp breezing thru his day oblivious to having been named and shamed.
By chris holmes on 26 March 2007 · 05:06