Saturday, 24 March 2007
Dear guy who pees without using his hands:
You work on the 7th floor of US1 in downtown Seattle. You stand at the urinal with both hands on your hips.
Stop it.
You freak everyone out, man.
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It happened once upon a time that a certain Greek ship bound for Athens was wrecked off the coast close to Piraeus, the port of Athens. Had it not been for the Dolphins, who at that time were very friendly toward mankind and especially toward Athenians, all would have perished. But the Dolphins took the shipwrecked people on their backs and swam with them to shore.
Now it was the custom among the Greeks to take their pet monkeys and dogs with them whenever they went on a voyage. So when one of the Dolphins saw a Monkey struggling in the water, he thought it was a man, and made the Monkey climb up on his back. Then off he swam with him toward the shore.
The Monkey sat up, grave and dignified, on the Dolphin’s back.
“You are a citizen of illustrious Athens, are you not?” asked the Dolphin politely.
“Yes,” answered the Monkey, proudly. “My family is one of the noblest in the city.”
“Indeed,” said the Dolphin. “Then of course you often visit Piraeus.”
“Yes, yes,” replied the Monkey. “Indeed, I do. I am with him constantly. Piraeus is my very best friend.”
This answer took the Dolphin by surprise, and, turning his head, he now saw what it was he was carrying. Without more ado, he dived and left the foolish Monkey to take care of himself, while he swam off in search of some human being to save.
Take that, subspace.
Discussion
Comments
Re: To the guy who pees without using his hands
I suspect and regret that any ninny who pees without using hands is unlikely to be a sedition reader in which case i *also* regret that this didnt happen back in the days when I was 'resting'. I could have swum the Rio Puget, borrowed someone's card into US1 and lurked around the 7th floor loo until this buffoon came along.
Nor do I think I would have needed spend much time in the loo itself: handless pee-ers tend to announce themselves even before they've pointed percy at the porcelain. I would have spotted him by his power gait or breezy way of greeting others.
What I haven't yet worked out is how one would challenge him: these things need careful timing and phrasing for maximum shock and spillage.
"Oh - for GOD's sake!!! It's the idiot who pees without using his hands!!!"
Ideally, one would have a ninja pal ready with hood and handcuffs so as to prolong the damage.
Anyway, i hate to think of the twerp breezing thru his day oblivious to having been named and shamed.
By chris holmes on 26 March 2007 · 05:06