Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!®

Monday, 1 January 2007

Chaotic Registered Trademark

Anyone still in the camp that trademark and copyright law doesn’t need fixing?

During a bout of late night TV I noticed that “Help, I’ve fallen and I can’t get up!®” is a trademarked phrase. In other words, you are legally prohibited from using it without connecting it to its owner, Life Alert.

When noticing this I thought, Well, it’s so catchy I guess they deserve it. Then I looked it up.

They didn’t come up with it. It was, excepting the word “help,” the catch phrase of another, now defunct, company, Lifeline. Seeing that you can aquire things created by others and already firmly rooted in popular culture sets me atingle.

So, this is my notice that I intend to formally register the following. The original part which I feel entitles me to trademark is red and italicized for the benefit of our friends at the United States Patent and Trademark Office.

Sedition·com trademarks

  • Hello, hello
  • I love you, no, seriously
  • A-OK™ (the USPTO has cancelled NASA’s registration for “A-OK” due to nonuse and abandonment.)
  • I’m with next to stupid™
  • I really do™ (Cash in on wedding enthusiasts here)
  • wxyz™
  • Just do it again™ (Gear up for Nike lawsuit)
  • ¿What?™
  • Hey, fuck you!™

My herbalist Spen Kafford, Sr informs us—quite rudely in all caps—that we are still welcome to use the phrase freely as long as such usage has no connection to the immobilized geriatric seeking aid via telephony: CENTRAL DISPATCH SECURITY SYSTEM COMPOSED OF TELEPHONE TRANSMITTERS AND RECEIVERS SO THAT THE ELDERLY AND HANDICAPPED CAN SEND EMERGENCY SIGNALS TO SUMMON MEDICAL AID WHEN NECESSARY.

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