4,000 1 US servicemen 2 killed

Thursday, 5 July 2007

Point! George W Bush 4,000 dead, Osama bin Laden 2,974

Jihad comes to Arlington

As of right now—yes, you heard it here first!3—the military dead count for the anti-terror adventure is 4,000. Bin Laden et al didn’t even reach 3,000. Another gravestone milestone brought to you for your own good by your benevolent leaders. Happy Independence Day! Missed it by that much.

Okay, okay. I know bin Laden can count the World Trade Center bombing, the USS Cole, and the embassies in Tanzania and Kenya. That only brings up the American body count by about 35. On the other hand, if we consider contractors and journalists in Iraq and Afghanistan we can easily add another 250 to Bush’s tally. So let’s not fight in front of the round numbers. Instead we’ll bask in their majesty and magic. The more zeroes queued, the fewer faces of the dead we’ll be able to visualize. Just think about how innocuous 1,000,000 dead Iraqis sounds. And 5,000,000 refugees sounds positively genial in its incomprehensible vastness.

Perhaps the diligent hounds of FOXNews will be so kind as to trot out to Arlington to frottage the name on the gravestone following MMMCMXCIX so we can all thank him or her for dying to protect American freedoms like habeas corpus and the spirit of dissent.4

1 Just to be clear. I think the figures do not count suicides. If they did, 4,000 would have been reached a month ago. And just to be super-duper clear, the 25,000 or so wounded might also be considered bad.

2 I know “troops” would be better SEO but I just can’t bring myself to sound so stupid. I might not be able to fight the power but I can try to fight the red tide of linguistic ignorance.

Me: So servicemen is okay with you though?

Myself: Oh, they don’t let women serve now, do they? I told you this is what would happen if we let ’em start voting and taking jobs.

3 Unless you heard it where we heard it: icasualties.org/oif + icasualties.org/oef; but please allow us the dignity of applying our hard won public school math skills to combine them into a novel infobite.

4 That might be a typo. Our spell checker also suggested “descent” and we just flipped a coin.

Myself: I don’t get your humor. Is that supposed to be a Darwin joke?

Me: You should know. Takes one to know one.

Myself: Eh-yeah, yep, yep, yep. Would’ve gone with a price of gas joke, myself. But you know, nothing personal, that’s just me. I like funny jokes.

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