Our Lady of the Hygienic Waterboard –or– Hillary Soprano

Monday, 26 November 2007

It’s five months overripe now and probably everyone has seen it and half of them have talked about it. Still, I have the sneaking feeling that the Democrats are stupid enough to run with Hillary. Time we talked about why this doesn’t seem to be bothering many on the Red side of the aisle much. In fact, I think Karl Rove even suggested it to them through press releases a couple of times.

If you haven’t seen it or want to refresh–

Saw a talk news program where pundits awarded her “A”s all around for this; one minus, a couple pluses. This is the depth of analysis in this country. There was nothing worse than an A- offered and no criticism at all of the many underlying messages. Time to pay the price.

What was said vs what was said

Hillary: We have some great choices.
And I’m excited I’ll be making them for you.
Hillary: I ordered for the table.
Just like Lenin. You can expect me to get all kinds of things done whenever you leave the room or show up late to a summit.
Hillary: I’m looking out for you.
You’re too stupid and weak1 to choose correctly for yourself. I’m strong enough, I’m smart enough, and doggone it, people2 elected me.
Hillary: Where’s Chelsea?
I have no idea where my kid is, but hey, it takes a village, right?
Bill: How’s the campaign going?
Hillary: Well, like you always say, “Focus on the good times.”
And never, never, never talk about the scandals unless couched in conspiracy theory phraseology. And you wouldn’t have to ask if you’d slept in the same bed as me once in the last year.

By adopting the role in the spot, Mrs Clinton has aligned herself with Tony. She has ostensibly tapped into a strong vein of pop culture and gained popularity and social credibility from it. She has metaphorically, however, identified herself with a minor mob boss. A killer. A pimp. A thief. A drug dealer. A defender of one’s immediate interests only. A master manipulator. A sociopath.

She has managed one smooth trick. She turned the tables on Bill. She’s put him in the dress and put on the pants. She’s made him the cuckold and herself the player. Wonderful only if it remains subliminal. If the trick is explained to you, you remember that she’s the one who has quietly swallowed more of Bill’s awful episodes than she’s spat. Someone who remains in a relationship when constantly humiliated is to be feared. That kind of discipline can only be maintained by an amazing will to grasp that which one cannot earn.

Let’s pretend for a minute that the sexes can be viewed equally. Let’s flip them. A rich man who’s wife has slept with half her chauffeurs, Mr Universe, her husband’s friends, television actors, employees, interns, and business acquaintances.

Do you respect the man who puts up with that? It’s not possible.

When Bush ran in 2000, I thought, Wow! There is no way this serial-loser can win a presidential election. But then the Dems put up that pasty sack of gym towels forgetting completely that a good chunk of the country was sick to fucking death of a new Clinton scandal every six months and that Gore was just a sorry second-hand reminder of it all.

One blow job made both sides forget all the heinous episodes. The Democrats seemed really, truly grateful for a hollow scandal for a change. It was simple adultery. It didn’t involve Hillary losing FBI files for a year and then finding them on a coffee table. It wasn’t Bill approving the manslaughter of 25 kids in Texas. It wasn’t Hillary turning a $1,000 investment into $100,000 in a day. It wasn’t Bill fighting off rape and sexual harassment charges from women who weren’t savvy enough to save their semen-stained dresses. It wasn’t Hillary’s first project, Health Care, headed to the toilet faster than Tijuana tap water. It wasn’t Bill jumping into wars in Africa and Eastern Europe.

And, kids, I know you were young but even you must remember, that’s only the hors d’œuvre.

But, but, but, but the economy!!!

Shut the fuck up.

  • It was a Republican Congress that ran the budget and the funding during those years.
  • It was an economy that went kablooey a few months after Bill and Hillary left the Big House. A strong economy takes years to tank, not months.
  • [update] Business drives economies. Governments leech them.

Just the fact of sharing a work address was enough to scuttle Gore. If y’all run Hillary, a lot of people will start doing a lot of remembering; things they’re saving like a war chest to bring out after the primaries. What’s going to happen then is probably another photo-finish that the courts will have to hash out.

Unless Ron Paul somehow makes it to the general election. He’d beat Hillary. All the others are about as equally revolting as Hillary so if you run one of them there’s no telling. The good news on that front is it won’t make any difference anyway.

1 And fat.

2 Well… I don’t know about people. New Yorkers, anyway.


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Re: Our Lady of the Hygienic Waterboard –or– Hillary Soprano

Walter Karp, in his book Indispensable Enemies, dives into the fatuous runaround sold as candidate selection. It's no accident, as you conclude, that we've got Evildum vs. Evildee squaring off once again. There are better and worse ways to try to disrupt or interrupt the process, but only opprobrium lies in oiling the machinery of it.

By Vagrant on 26 November 2007 · 03:00