This week in the news #31

Saturday, 21 July 2007

June Attacks in Iraq at All-Time High

Come on! We need to give the surge time to work. The fact that they’re fighting back is proof that we’re … uh, oh, don’t worry. September is almost here and then there will be no denying the problem.

Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!! Oh, ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!!!!! Oh, they’ll run out of denial juice. Oh, that’s the kind of comedy that kills and is either funny or drives you to militancy. You’re laughing, right? Only traitors don’t laugh.

James “Che Pazzo” Curcio

Man accused of assaulting elderly woman with shopping cart

Accused!?! My gentle readers. Could this possibly be the face of man who would repeatedly run over a 72 year-old woman with his shopping cart, try to run from the store with $84 in stolen groceries, flee the scene, later lie to the police, and claim he was robbed and assaulted between the door and his car?

Please give him the benefit of the doubt. You simply cannot judge a book by its crazy ass cover.

“Full House” actress gets married

Her huge melons cited in editorial license to make news out of an idiot pun.

LA cardinal apologizes to plaintiffs

Cardinal Roger Mahony, leader of the nation's largest Roman Catholic archdiocese, apologized Sunday to the hundreds of people who will get a share of a $660 million settlement over allegations of clergy sex abuse. AP, Gillian Flaccus

How is it that raping kids only gets you a fine?

Let’s explain this in its wider context. Priests are raping and otherwise molesting children, usually homosexually. This happens everywhere the Catholic Church is and it happens all the time. Priests do not go to prison for it. They rarely even lose their priesthood. It remains “allegation” no matter how many thousands of victims step forward.

Now when they do it enough, in this case 500 people were raped/molested, to be caught, they pay the victims a fine via the machinations of the US Justice system.

So essentially, you have the church as a customer for child prostitution, the US courts and lawyers acting as pimps to negotiate price per act, and the victims as retro-active prostitutes. If no one goes to prison and the “service provider” and solicitor
are paid by the service seeker, that’s legalized child prostitution.

Not that I wouldn’t enjoy a million dollars but if someone raped me as a kid I would not take any settlement less than the guy going to the big house defrocked for a few years of real penance administered by a couple of guys from South Central named Cyril and Luis. And not to give you any ideas but if I ever sit on a Sleepers-oriented jury, I can assure the killer an acquittal or a hung jury.

Seven Week Old Infant Left In the Road In Lebanon [Ohio]

Around 2:30am, 9-1-1 dispatchers received a call that a naked woman was carrying a baby in the roadway on Miller Road Extension. The caller also told officials that the woman stated she was taking the infant to Satan. …The woman was transported to Bethesda Arrow Springs for a medical and psychological evaluation. http://www.fox19.com/ in Cincinnati

Do you know why they took her to the loony ward? Because people who believe in God and the Devil are insane. It’s just less deniable when anyone actually puts some real faith on display.

Singer Shot at Wyo. Bar; Husband Sought

Police were searching Sunday for a National Guardsman with sniper training who they suspect shot his wife to death while she sang with a band in a restaurant and bar.

I know the Hurricane Center doesn’t hit the mark well lately but how about this? I think it’s a much safer bet–

Whirlwind predictions

I predict bumper crops 10 years on.

Al-Qaida likely to attack US, intel says

Elevated threat level

It’s good to know we’ve all been cowering in the basement these 6 years for a good reason. Apparently terrorists want to get us and we must be warned!!!

U.S. no longer tallest country in world

Being hunched over in fear takes 4 or 5 inches right off.

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Discussion

Comments


Vagrant

Re: This week in the news #31

U.S. no longer tallest country in world Being hunched over in fear takes 4 or 5 inches right off.

Hear, hear! The level of willful fearfulness has long since surpassed narcissistic self-indulgence. The most self-indulgent, appropriately, are the people who aren't worth the effort it would take to hurt them.

By Vagrant on 21 July 2007 · 19:01
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Ashley

Re^2: This week in the news #31

Testify. You don’t even have to hurt them. Intoning “boo” while wearing a false beard and a table cloth sends them into paroxysm.

I try so hard not to throw the p-word around these days too… The other one. I wonder if it came from pusillanimous? None of the dictionaries agree with me but I can’t help but see it.

By Ashley on 21 July 2007 · 19:10
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Vagrant

Re^3: This week in the news #31

That etymology would seem intuitive. A quick google reveals this helpful entry. It's certainly a lot more elegant than the commonly accepted derivation. But I'm afraid we're stuck with the mildly misogynist one.

By Vagrant on 21 July 2007 · 21:39
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chris holmes

Re: This week in the news #31

Smarmy Mahony (which rhyme does not work in the USA where i believe it rhymes closer with cojony): one of the joys of reading Sedition is that he dishes great lines I can chew over by the pool and laugh quietly to myself.

"I would not take any settlement less than the guy going to big house, defrocked for a few years of real penance administered by a couple of guys from South Central named Cyril and Luis." It's spot-on touches like getting the names bang-on right - 'Cyril and Luis' - that distinguish the pros from the mere fancy pants wordsmithereens.

By chris holmes on 22 July 2007 · 05:06
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William Shakesweasel

Re: This week in the news #31

So...is that 4 to 5 inches standing or lying down?

By William Shakesweasel on 22 July 2007 · 20:57
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