This week in the news #35

Sunday, 23 September 2007

MIT coed with fake bomb “art” arrested

Troopers arrested an MIT student at gunpoint Friday after she walked into Logan International Airport wearing a computer circuit board and wiring on her sweatshirt. Authorities call it a fake bomb; she called it art. Glen Johnson, AP

Dear Boston cops,

Since a couple of you were quite frank about having almost shot that young woman because her shirt blinked, here is an easy lesson. I hope it sticks.

How to identify an IED

“What’s the trick?” you ask. Well, it’s simple. Just ask any vet fresh off a highway patrol in Baghdad. The bomb looks like something besides a student electronics project so that it has a chance of actually killing someone you irretrievable imbeciles.

[Um… sorry in advance, Jen.]

Blogger “exposes” annoying quote abuse

Isn’t it “funny” how something can “really annoy” you for ages and then you discover via “the Internet” that the same thing “really annoys” thousands of “other people,” too? AP, regarding Bethany Keeley’s “blog”

Dear Y’all,

Quit biting my 2003 material unless you’re gonna do it better.

Sincerely,
–Grand Master Ash, the Furious Five

PS: Take note. The word sincerely above was entirely without quotation marks but the effect remains unchanged.

Ernie Chambers, hero to some

Nebraska state senator sues God

And we have a new hero at Sedition·com—Ernie Chambers. God even provided him with an impromptu halo for this photo to show He can be a good sport.

God is dead. Nietzsche
God is served. Pond

Giuliani: I’m Among Best Known Americans

“I’m probably one of the four or five best known Americans in the world,” Giuliani told [a bunch of nobodies whose names you’ll never know].

If you’d ever travelled without an entourage or bothered to meet any foreigner who is not rich enough to have a second home in New York City, asshat, you’d know the top five looks something like–

  1. Michael Jackson
  2. Madonna
  3. Brad Pitt
  4. Kenny G
  5. Ronald Reagan

You would not even crack the top 2,000, my poor deluded honky. David Hasselhoff alone is so much better known than you that there are no punchlines to top it. I suspect you’d be mistaken for a Central Park gardener by 9,999 out of 10,000 citizens of any other country.

Tens of thousands of CCTV cameras, yet 80% of crime unsolved

In fact, four out of five of the boroughs with the most cameras have a record of solving crime that is below average. thisislondon.co.uk

Anyone who is surprised by this should be kicked in the gonads by every member of A.C. Milan.

OJ Simpson charged with kidnapping, armed robbery

Boy, that’s weird.

World should brace for possible war over Iran: France

World leaders should brace for possible domestic feedback delivered in staccato crescendo1.

Canadians celebrate loonie’s parity with US dollar

Well you should. Maybe start to wake up some folks down here that the only way to destroy America outside the masturbatory Islamofascist Chinese fire drills is to keep voting Democrat and Republican. Without a thriving economy, the US is nothing but a smaller version of Canada with better beaches.

Associated Press: Madonna: I’m an “ambassador for Judaism”

Sedition·com: Israel faces new insurmountable challenge, end of days begun.

Ass hole… Ass in a hole? Hole of the ass?

Firefighters save donkey trapped in well

I hate to give ammunition to my enemies but this photo is clear proof of God. Also proof that He is either dyslexic or just plain old funny.

1

Me: What?

Myself: Music joke. Bullets. Loud.

Me: I know. I get it. It’s just stupid. And why bother explaining it here?

Myself: Because now that I’ve had a taste of #1, I ain’t never going back.

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