the 56k modem was just as useless against Communism as the 22k had been

While waiting on the download he was able to knock down the first forty pages of Willard and his Bowling Trophies. He definitely needed a better modem but he never got phone calls anyway, telemarketers withstanding, so what do you care?

Dear Ms. Pond,

Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jerry Martabani and I sell modems. I read your article and assure you I care very much about your downloads. Your data transfer rate is sacred to me.

I could hook you up with a modem perfect for your needs. Maybe even at a substantial discount seeing as how you are my very favorite writer. I can occasionally even obtain our top modems for free. Perhaps we could discuss it over dinner sometime?

Your fan and admirer,

Jerry Martabani, US Robotics


Dear Mr. Martabani,

I’m not a woman. However. If you can get my downloads sped up to where they belong, perhaps we could talk about it.

Your favorite writer,

Ashley Pond V, An Elektrum Press


Dear Mr.(!) Pond,

I apologize for my earlier foolishness. You’ve made the same mistake I’m afraid. I am not a Mr. any more than you are a Ms. (That’s funny, isn’t it?). I’m a woman. However. I don’t date men. I assumed from your writing that you were… Well, sorry.

Still your fan,

Jerry Martabani, US Robotics


Dear Jerry,

You’re sure?

Your favorite writer,

Ashley Pond V, An Elektrum Press


Dear Ashley,

Well, do you happen to have a goatée?

Your friend,

Jerry


Jerry,

Yes.

Yours,

Ashley


Ashley (Vivian!),

I’ll be on TWA 112 on the 6th, the connection is out of St. Louis. Go ahead with the reservations you suggested last night. I can’t think of anything I’d rather do. Thanks again for calling. I can’t wait.

always your: Jerry

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