shame and loathing in Hokona

I lived in the dorms for a long time. The dorm I lived in was called Hokona. I lived an entire lifetime there. It was like a mini-city. A microcosm of a real adult life. College is romantic and exciting all in all. I think about going back to college because of that. I don’t care to get another degree. I didn’t care to get the one I have and that’s why it took six years. I’d just like to be in college again.

I was a dorm dick. That’s what we called ourselves on dormitory security. That was my job for three years. It was fun because it was between midnight and 6 a.m. and the girls rarely wore anything but underwear and T-shirts at those hours but they still liked to chat it up with us dorm dicks.

Dorm means sleep. That’s how the dormouse got its name. It likes to sleep during the winter. In Italian if you ask someone who slept well how they slept they never say, “I slept like a log.” They say, “Ho dormato come un ghiro.” That means: I slept like a dormouse. I like Italians because they are cute, sarcastic, or romantic about everything. They’d never say something as stupid as, “I slept like a log.” It makes me ashamed to speak English when I hear someone say that.

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