don’t be trite

The first time I was called arrogant I guess I was 16. The popular word at my high school was conceited. But I wasn’t called this because I was only arrogant, not conceited. I was too friendly to get called conceited. I was so friendly that people weren’t one bit intimidated to call me arrogant to my face. I was also called a psychopath. People did not say this to me because they thought it was true. If you think someone is dangerously crazy you probably won’t say it to their face, even if they’re pretty friendly. I had a lot of friends though so I got to hear about it second hand.

I was so arrogant in high school this one time that my friend had to publish it in the school paper. She was one of my best friends. I hate to brag but that’s pretty arrogant. Quarter page of arrogance.

I’ve been called many bad names. More often by people who know me than by strangers. Strangers tend to like me. I respect their boundaries. It’s when they want to get to know me that trouble begins. Then they start calling me names. If you don’t like to hear bad names and bad words you should skip to the next page now.

I got called things like: asshole, prick, fascist, crypto-fascist, buttfucker (this one used to be quite popular but I haven’t heard it for years, maybe it’s ready for a renaissance; few insults seem to resonate so well), son of a bitch, fuck, fuckwad, fucker, motherfucker, motherfucking shitball, fool, dyke (while kissing my girlfriend, I’ve had long hair since I got out of the SEALS), stupid, psycho, crazy fuck, pale fuck, pale face, fruit thief, protestant, Devil worshiper (this is absurd, we’re not even dating anymore), squirrel, flying squirrel, Yankee, fern, femme, femmedog, rat, ratfuck, ratfucking bastard (this is an inept insult because clearly I can account for several fathers), dumbass, cabron, dummy, robot, Ayn Rand wannabe, New Mexican, gringo, pussy, pendejo, loser, faggot, honky, fucking honky, &c. This list shouldn’t take up more space though it could. I think you get the idea.

None of those insults bother me because I got them so much when I was a kid that I acclimated. Yo seigo Taosí, however, the cholo and pachuco constituent of la Raza Cosmica would call me fucking honky every goddamn day in junior high and sometimes in high school. It scared me really badly at first. It was like being the only black kid at school in Erie, PA. So I was scared all the time. Being scared is even worse than being angry, I think, and I don’t like being angry at all. It ended up being okay because it helped me learn to be a badass. It just ended up being trouble for the few kids who were stupid enough to still do it to my face without a gun. The last puto vato who did it was surprised when I laughed at him. I think that made him really mad. He was even more mad that he was too scared to fight me after he’d called me a name and I laughed at him. I don’t know how to spell poor baby in New Mexican Spanish but I know how to say it. I’m saying it right now for that big tough guy who called me faggot last year in my own home town. It can’t feel good to get laughed at when you’re trying to be tough.

I’ve also had people close to me say really rotten things. My first college girlfriend said, “I feel sorry for anyone close to you.” Can you believe that? I didn’t mind hardly any of the ones from before but this one bothered me. My sister said I was monstrous once. She says she loves me too. That’s sad if it’s true because people who love monsters are bound to be unhappy. My best friend of 12 years said so many terrible things about me that I’d have to write another book for that. She even drew pictures and stories to go with it. She’s a good artist and story teller so those hurt a lot. She was my best friend for 12 years though so I kept my mouth shut about it when it was going on. This is the first thing I’ve said and the only thing I’ll say about it. She was my best friend for 12 years.

You can read my stories and follow along with my ideas and I think some of you will get mad and call me names and write bad reviews and tell your friends I’m one of the dangerous kind and there oughta be a law. I just wanted you to know that if you don’t work really hard on calling me something awfully terrible and original, you’ll just look stupid. I’ve already been called, or called myself, everything. If your intention is to hurt me, may the Force be with you. If your intention is to hurt me in the eyes of others, half of the others don’t need the help and the other half will just resent you for trying. If you’ve got to do it, work for it. Don’t be trite.

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