Defecting Yeti

Monday, 4 December 2006

Defective Yeti

In spite of the fact that one Mr Pretty-Ok-Guy—née Taco John, née Matthew Baldwin—is quite clever, and in that way that some NYU-types use pejoratively but I consider complimentary, designed and ran the best game I ever played and had the pleasure of winning (on a team of three, the game was too big for one); he also sired the single best computing gag I’ve ever seen by writing a fake Unix shell at Amazon.com which intercepted regular commands and reported back, with misspellings and whatnot, that so-and-so tool was not found or such-and-such arguments were not allowed. If you’re not a *nix geek you don’t know just how fucking funny that was to watch. Where were we? Ah, yes.

Despite all that and other unenumerated personal charms, I removed a long standing link to Defective Yeti some many moons ago for this–

Read Moby Dick

As you can see, he totally deserved it.

[I almost wrote “totally fucking deserved it” because I feel the point should be emphatic but I'm trying to stop using the f-word in print so much (there are rumors that MySQL TEXT columns develop byte reading errors at a certain upper limit of profanity). So I didn’t write it.]

And not just for the horror of steering the curious and the intimidated into avoiding the book. Also because it’s iffy comedy. Way too much work to prop up a “____ dick liar” punchline.

I responded, entirely without humor, annotation, or any writerly adeptness, myself, here—That one wasn’t very funny.

I went back to Defective Yeti recently for the first time in, as I think I used a silly American Indian cliché to relate previously, more than a year. And I discovered two things.

First, he decided just a couple of weeks before my return, to take another stab at reading Moby Dick and journal about the experience. So, by that alone, all would be forgiven.

Second, the following; which I reprint in its entirety without even asking Matthew because it’s complementary so I expect he won't mind and even if he does mind, he knows I'm much bigger than he is and his WHOIS records don’t, as mine do, use a PO Box. [Also DMCA forms are a pain in the ass to fill out—believe me.]

Didn't See That Coming

I'm going to write a psychological thriller for the blind. It's not all plotted out yet, but I have a great, surprise ending: the last Braille letter will be replaced with a thumbtack.

“Didn’t See That Coming,” Defective Yeti

Any man who can write that, deserves all the second chances Liz Taylor has to give.


Myself: You sure have been leaning on that Liz Taylor gag lately. By lately I mean, for like three years.

Me: Beats your torpid dependence on the mother joke.

Myself: Speaking of torpid, how’s your moms?

Me: Did you just go after my mom?

Myself: What are you gonna do about it, big guy?

Me: Um, I don’t know. Fucking kill you?

Myself: Pfffff… throw, joto.

Me: Nah, I’m not really into Pokémon.

Myself: Write your own lines? Pussy.

Me: You are what you eat. Dick.

Myself: (Shoves me).

Me: You know what, I’m not going through with this. It’s pointless.

Myself: Why? Because you know you'll lose.

Me: More because there is no one here to shoot the winner.

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Discussion

Comments


Jen

Re: Defecting Yeti

Woohoo!! I get to comment! Look at me! I'm finally commenting on Sedition.com!

Nice job cleaning up the place. Looks great.

By Jen on 4 December 2006 · 13:45
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Ashley

Re: Defecting Yeti

Thanks, Jen. Don’t forget to include a link to your own place, or whatever next time so I have a chance to get back at you visit you. (I’m not going to be sticking “nofollow” on comment links either.)

By Ashley on 4 December 2006 · 14:29
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chris holmes

Re: Defecting Yeti

actually, all 8 recent postings are good: kotke, glay etc, but the matt baldwin one was particularly interesting. i'm not geeky enough to totally understand the unix joke, but i did the like one played on you by sean whereby you clocked into your laptop and a manic voice called everyone's attention to the fact that you were surfing porn. that Ransom. (why can't i use chris holmes as name without being lectured on alphnumerics?)

By chris holmes on 7 December 2006 · 07:56
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Ashley

Re: Defecting Yeti

I’m so glad you’re here. Thanks!

IIRC, for Matt’s fake tool wrapper, you’d type in something like–

apond@nooksack>orderstat 002-3115723-0981221

and it would quickly clear/erase what you typed replacing it with something like–

apond@nooksack>ordertast 002-3115723-0981221
"ordertast" command not found!

I’ll tweak the user information to allow spaces. Probably tonight but next time you should be able to enter it as you like. I will also make the comment box wider and taller I think. Hard to read in here while you type.

By Ashley on 7 December 2006 · 10:19
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