Plan C: foolproof solutions for intractable problems, Iraq edition

In the response to Bush: War skeptics “proposing nothing” we offered two alternatives to Mr Bush’s Barney approved troop-trickle-as-strategy. Both of them were quite nice and seemed like the only other real options.

• Leave. Let the Mesopotamian chips fall where they may.
• Make some huge, long-term, dangerous sacrifices to commit for real with the troop levels and tactics the real military, i.e. not Donald Rumsfeld or Dick Cheney, suggested from the beginning.

There is, however, a plan C. A foolproof way to solve the Iraq question. Not only that, it would fix all our problems with Iran too. It would be heinous, soul-staining, and altogether Evil but it would also be symmetrical and represent a sort of continental drift style of justice. Hell, I think Gary Brecher might even approve of this one. Anyone who knows what language gave us the word “Baghdad” already knows where this is going. Hint: it wasn’t Arabic.

Plan C, in brief

1. Give Iraq to Iran. It was theirs a long time ago anyway.
2. Dismantle the play government we built from a Kissenger hobbyist kit.
3. Arrange with Mahmoud Ahmadinejad to have American troops create a safe corridor for Iran’s troops; they could probably muster 250,000 in a weekend and have up to a couple million in a month or two.
4. Walk them into Baghdad; and other strategic positions.
5. Leave.
6. Safely enjoy the resulting show (and discount oil) for two decades.

Plan C would have the positive side-effect of teaching the world to fear the United States in a way that would not soon expire.