Secret messages out in the open #10

Sunday, 13 January 2008

Dear __________,

Did you know that going long enough with interrupted sleep every night (exempli gratia: 3 kids, 2 of them getting a parent up at least 2 times a night, sometimes 8 or 9 times) will actually start to make you a little clinically insane.

Don’t take that as a threat. Or tell anyone else I said it.

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chris holmes

Re: Secret messages out in the open #10

this 'clinically insane' bit is worrying me, yea unto keeping me awake at night and driving me further towards the very state i'm brooding on. since an early age i've always wondered what exactly constituted 'clinically insane'; in fact, i wonder if there's a category of instability into which go those who worry about their sanity.

i was 8 when i arrived at my first school from hong kong and i really didnt understand the british public school tradition (ie private school) with its snooty teachers, canings galore for everything including the teachers not having to think or execute judgments of solomon. prefects even beat - 14 yr olds with sticks, not a good idea at that age. one big fat prefect told me he would drive me insane and i believed him. he would put me in the rugby scrum where id get thumped and put me in front of the fastest bowlers and tell them i needed practice fending off head-high bounders; he'd wave letters from my mother from hong kong but not give them to me til lunch, or later. god the things he did and i was a very skinny kid and alone. he would ask, "you mad yet?" and i used to think i was, from fear and unhappiness.
nowadays i wonder but its from lack of sleep since my apnea machine went bust and my snoring and clogged throat keep waking me as i drift off. also, i am suddenly obsessed with an imagined slight i have suffered and which I spend my time thinking up stephen kingly revenges. finally, i seem to have acquired a list of cell fone friends (whoops the guvnor doesnt like phoney phonics, better rite proper) that stretch round the world so that my cell rings at what are all hours to me but perfectly sensible ones to the messager. so obsessed am i at hearing from anyone that i grab the phone and pray it's something important from daughter or over of whoever. then im awake so i have to re-set everything on the phone and edit my Names. so im going without sleep and seriously wondering at its effect. feel much better having got tht off my chest.

By chris holmes on 29 January 2008 · 00:59
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