Everyone who is opposed to homosexuality is gay

Saturday, 24 February 2007

I don’t like hardcore porn.† Seriously. I believe that proves that I am entirely heterosexual, the most straight male on the West Coast; and that Snoop Dog is pretty gay but that wanders from our point.

Why does this distaste prove me straight to an immeasurably small tolerance? I don’t like hardcore porn because I don’t like seeing another guy score on any girl—planting his flag in territory that should be mine. They should all be mine. I have a biological drive the size of Alaska which says I should breed with every woman I see, in person, in media. Porn is documentation that I didn’t score where another man did. I dislike that.

So, with my credentials in order I hereby take a stand I’ve danced around too much: I am pro-gay. I am so pro-gay that I wish every other man in the world were gay. Well, almost seriously. I’d settle for anything over the current-whatever 4–12%, but I’d love to see 98% saturation. Why do I need the competition? If the fate of mankind rested on me getting six new young ladies from every part of the world pregnant every day, I think… well, actually it’s hard to think at all with that picture in mind.

So, I must assume that anyone who is anti-gay, is gay. Because for any man who is heterosexual in fact, the more gay men he’s surrounded by, the better.


I loves me some naked women though. The softcore Perfect 10, Domai, Playboy, Suicide Girls idiom is fine. My third wish of three might be for a naked candid shot of every woman who ever lived; at the peak of her beauty. Not for bragging rights, neither. I’d never even tell.

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rekounas

Re: Everyone who is opposed to homosexuality is gay

Didn't Kurt Cobain state that everyone is gay.

By rekounas on 24 February 2007 · 10:53
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Ashley

Re: Everyone who is opposed to homosexuality is gay

I believe you are correct. Just don’t try any of that stuff with me, buster, because I hate… Oh… Oh… I… Uh, um… Oh…

By Ashley on 24 February 2007 · 11:09
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Jen

Re: Everyone who is opposed to homosexuality is gay

That reminds me of a stupid joke we told a lot in middle school [which I will now proceed to tell... because.... I'm still a silly middle-schooler at heart]. So, a bear is chasing a rabbit through the woods. Suddenly, they knock over a genie's lamp. The genie comes out and grants them both three wishes. The bear starts -- he wishes for all the other bears in the forest to be female. Then the rabbit wishes for a leather jacket. The bear thinks for a while... then for his second wish, he decides he wants all the other bears in the surrounding forests to be female. The rabbit wishes for a motorcycle. For his third wish, the bear wishes for all the other bears in the world to be female. The rabbit wishes for the bear to be gay, hops on the motorcyle and drives off as fast as he can.

:-P

By Jen on 24 February 2007 · 14:17
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Ashley

Re: Everyone who is opposed to homosexuality is gay

Yes, it’s the same story with the US Fish and Wildlife department every 10 years or so.

By Ashley on 24 February 2007 · 15:00
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