M. Phelps gets high? You don’t say?

Wednesday, 4 February 2009

The terrible part is that if he goes to another Olympics it is nearly a statistical impossibility that he will equal his last performance. It was a record setter to start; a once in 5-generations performance. He’ll be four years older as a follow up. And finally, every other swimmer in the world knows how fucking hard you have to stroke, as it were, to be anywhere near that motherfucker’s wake.

So when he doesn’t win x medals, the reason will be hedonism and drugs. Let me suggest an alternate future. A what if, if you will.

If he does win x medals—or even x - 2 given his age and the situation—let us all admit once and forever that pot is a performance enhancer. Also admitting that the best possible thing we could do for our teens to help them achieve their dreams is to stuff the bowl for them while they eat their Fruity Pebbles® and watch Robot Chicken.

Now if we could only get Lance Armstrong to admit he sucked hemp particulates at least semi-annually between 1999 and 2005…

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