10 things not to do before I die

Wednesday, 29 July 2009

Being half-empty glass groupies–

  1. Have my scrotum nailed to the wooden chair in which I am bound.
  2. Walk 100 miles in sand in 110° weather or die.
  3. Be mauled by a mastiff while its fat white owner finishes her Pabst Blue Ribbon and watches.
  4. Get raped in prison (or anywhere else come to think of it).
  5. Catch on fire unintentionally.
  6. Drive a species extinct by eating its last member.
  7. Get syphillis twice.
  8. Be bitten by any animal in either of these categories–
    • Poisonous enough to kill Rasputin.
    • Able to ingest a limb in one gulp.
  9. Drink Evan Williams again.
  10. French kiss Elizabeth Taylor.
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