Dear Santa,

Dear Santa,

This year I returned someone’s bank book complete with the social security numbers of her whole family, a lost cell phone, and tore up a signed, blank check I found from a local nursery. As of 15 minutes ago you can add saving a life to the list.

You'd better come through, old man.

–Ashley da Quinto

PS: I’m an atheist, you cheating, lying, thieving, back-turning, church-going, sons-a-whores.

Dear Santa,

I would like to write again to formally apologize for tacking an insult to those on the naughty list onto my last missive. I hope the “sons-of-whores” thing didn’t queer the deal.

–Ashley the remorseful

Dear Santa,

Sorry about the “queer the deal” thing. I didn’t mean nothing. Some of my best-friends favorite bloggers are dedicated anthrophagists.

–Ashley who has been waiting without complaint for 3 years for a PS3 still please