This week in the news #54

Friday, 18 December 2009

Tiger Woods voted AP’s top athlete of the decade

How many strippers hostesses do you have to frost to get in the running? Any? Oh, then I withdraw my name from consideration for next decade’s awards.

Iranians Seize Iraqi Oil Well

Iranians seize their shit, take one scalp at a time

Dear Matt,

“The oil field is in disputed territory in between Iranian and Iraqi border forts,” he said, adding that such incidents occur quite frequently.

US military spokesman to the AFP

If something happens quite frequently it’s what we in the journalism game call “dog bites man.” Now if you could just catch Harry Reid going down on President Obama, we’d have some news.

What’s the matter? Don’t you get it?

White Americans’ majority to end by mid-century

We’ll-ehehehehehehlllllll just see about that. I’m told a healthy fella produces well over 10 trillion spermatozoa in his life and I’ve only burned through half that stack so far.

Obama: “Time for talk is over”

Would, would, would that it were so.

The Overseer is mad that poor people are starting to stand up for themselves and ask that they not be forced to buy health insurance or face jail and fines and not forgo national progress in the name of first world beach front properties and meta-nanny hysteria.

Brazil toddler has 50 sewing needles inside body

Whatever your picture of humanity, of the benevolence of the universe or God or the greatness of mankind or the kindness in your own heart I would like you to consider that right now, somewhere, someone outwardly normal, well-liked, and even respected in their community is torturing a child to death.

Sorry. Was that a buzzkill?

Well, you can at least take comfort in the Bible. Nobody kills any children in there.

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