Notes regarding the Nigerian man so disenfranchised by world politics,

Thursday, 7 January 2010

so weary of being called Captain Underpants the Ball-Scorching Wonder of Lagos, so completely ready to go down the American Hole for Children of African Descent for the rest of recorded time, and so desperate to impress the whores he met walking around downtown Amsterdam the night before he boarded Northwest Airlines Flight 253 that he had to be called Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab.

Dear America,

You know what you are, America?

You are a sad SOB who has been masturbating furiously—with diminishing productivity—to the memory of an amazingly hot girl who dumped you ten years ago after getting to know you better than anyone ever will again. And you got a look across the pews at Christmas services from a girl who vaguely resembled her but was otherwise entirely unremarkable and you have just rushed home with the spark for another failed, skin-thinning round of trying to recapture what you never had a right to hold.

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