This week in the news #56

Saturday, 23 January 2010

AP: A man pulls the body of an earthquake victim from a coffin in order to steal the coffin at the cemetery in Port-au-Prince

Coffins for Sale or Rent

Ladies and gentlemen, the single greatest scam conceived by mankind. “Rented” coffins in the midst of a disaster stacking bodies to the eaves.

Clinton years hold clues for Obama

What, are you serious with that?

WWCD: What Would Clinton Do?

AP

He’d bomb the shit out of some unknown countries in Eastern Europe, get mired in shady personal business dealings where everyone else involved goes to prison, turn his back on genocide in Rwanda, let his wife try to reform health care and fail spectacularly, personally oversee the execution of a lobotomized black man, get brought to a standstill on legislative initiatives by Newt Gingrich, and fuck an intern in the face; ibid, 1998.

Did you all fucking sleep through the ’90s?

Unemployment rose in 43 states last month

And we’re here to assure that it’s actually all quite a bit worse than it looks and is going to stay that way for a long, long time.

You know what is teh awesome about this? GW Bush was on the way into the history books as one of the sorriest, if not the sorriest, sacks of crude amonium nitrate to be called potus.

And now, just like Kennedy—another plumb leader for the depth of how bad can they be—followed by Nixon, no one is gonna remember GW as anything but the authentic fella from Texas who stood up to terrorists world-wide. Funny that. He’s got you college educated tubs of Blue to thank for it.

NY dairy farmer kills 51 cows, commits suicide

I’m not saying this has anything to do with the Brazil-esque set of government regulations and subsidies and counter-subsidies guiding the dairy industry into the dirt but damn if that isn’t the conclusion to which I’d love to leap.

Teen violist alleges Pittsburgh police brutality

Sorry, kid. You were black.
Jordan Miles—teen, honor student, violist, weighing in at a buck fifty. Fortunately for the good of society three plain clothes cops noticed he was also black before it was too late.

Alleged, folks. Alleged. I am sure the accusation won’t stand. Fucking honor student violist. Only thing worse is an oboist. Always walking into doors and pretending they aren’t selling drugs and shit.

But seriously. A bunch of cops got shot to death in Washington lately. The news—and the town really, there was a memorial “drive” that locked up traffic for half a day—treats it like the holocaust.

Whenever a cop is shot to death my first reaction isn’t, “Oh my God! How horrible!!!” My first reaction is, “I wonder if he had it coming.”

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