The return of some well-meaning fan mail

Wednesday, 31 March 2010

On Mar 31, 2010, at 3:07 PM, wrote:

Dear Ashley,

I understand that you are the creator of this website and of the Facebook page "Fuck The Troops". First let me say the obvious, you are able to have this type of website and this type of Facebook page because you live in the United States of America. Your freedoms in the United States of America are protected by these very troops, the ones you are saying to fuck
In reference to your specific comments on your Facebook page, no, of course, you don't mean to actually fuck the troops, that would make you a homosexual-well judging by your picture I guess that is a possibility-but it's not really relevant now is it. The message you have tried to convey in your very limited intellectual capacity is that this war is fucking the troops. I don't see any type of educational masthead or anything that would tell me or any one else reading your comments that you are intellectually qualified to make this statement, so I'm going to guess that this is just your very limited and I might add, lame ass opinion. You specifically mention all of the innocents being killed. I'm just curious, what would you call all of the people killed in the 9-11 attacks?

Here's the thing Ashley, it's beyond difficult to have an intellectual argument with someone like you who is completely unarmed. I'm guessing you live in a trailer park and are married to your sister, but that's just a guess..actually it could be your first cousin, no matter. So, I'm going to start a new Facebook page called "Fuck the moron Ashley". I think it will be quite popular and if you'd like to send me your address, I'd be happy to send you a one way airline ticket to any place else in the world, so you can go there and experience first hand, what it's like to live in another country, without the types of freedoms you obviously take for granted every single day of your useless life.

Oh and one more thing, I am not afraid to sign this communique (is that word too big for you-it's french you know) and to give you my true contact information. Unlike you, I don't hide behind a Facebook page or a website. I do, however, hide behind our troops, because you see I am not brave enough or qualified enough to do what they do. I am not a hero. I am an average American citizen who thanks God (yes, Ashley that's with a capital "G") every day for the sheer bravery and heroism exhibited by our men and women in uniform.

In closing, I would like to wish you well. People like you who never accomplish anything in life are truly sad individuals that's why you live through anonymous websites and Facebook pages. You don't have the courage or intellect to actually get out there and do anything, now do you? Frankly, I pity you, but candidly, I pity your mother more.

Barbara Donahue
Grand Prix Productions

Dear Ms Donahue,

You understand wrong. The Facebook group has nothing to do with me and I’ve never commented there. This page——which they linked at some point is mine. I wrote many thousands of other pages with which you aren’t familiar; none of them on Facebook.

The piece is a defense of the troops. A plea to penetrate the mindless jingoism and bring them home where they belong and can live their lives in peace. As of today, 5,418 men and women in the service have died for nothing. Tens of thousands have been severely damaged physically. I am aware of the loss everyday and wrote code to track it to try to bring it to the attention of others who either don’t remember or think a “thank you” can justify robbing a child of a parent or parents of a child. My non-fiction writing generally has a Gunning fog of 5th grade.

Gay-baiting? Really? And an AOL account to boot.

For the clarity of the record and to update the PowerPoint I keep in case of a sudden need for eulogy material, I am–

There are so many persons who will be tickled by this list. I am. My only regret is that I already published something today. I hate double posting but if I wait to put this up till tomorrow, no one will believe it’s a real email.

My name is Ashley Pond V. The V isn’t French. It’s Roman. Live it up.

4 comments · Commenting is closed
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Re: The return of some well-meaning fan mail

OK, your mother is totally tickled!

By mom on 5 April 2010 · 15:23

William Shakesweasel

Re: The return of some well-meaning fan mail

What do you mean "possibly homosexual"? You still sticking with the whole "the heat is broken and we HAVE to spoon" excuse?

By William Shakesweasel on 6 April 2010 · 08:05

A is A

Re^2: The return of some well-meaning fan mail

I don’t recall a lot of complaints.

By A is A on 6 April 2010 · 18:54

William Shakesweasel

Re: The return of some well-meaning fan mail

"Cover-Hog" wasn't just an observation.

By William Shakesweasel on 6 April 2010 · 19:22