This week in the news #18

Sunday, 11 March 2007

Eddie Van Walking Dead

Eddie Van Halen in Rehab!

I remember clearly c. 1988 everyone being in agreement that whether or not Alex Van Halen was the worst drummer in rock he was certainly the ugliest.

I guess Eddie just needed time to bloom.

Some coins lack “In God We Trust”

I’ll PayPal $100 a negotiable amount to the first person to mail me one; privately, please! I don’t want a Treasury cop at my door. (Update: prices for them on eBay so far are quite a bit better than my guess.)

Bush won’t engage in fight with Chavez

Good choice, George. Even though Chavez is like all of 5'2", he’d paste you, cream puff. Might be worth the beating, though, for you to see how someone goes about it when they really want it.

New climate report: More bad news

From the AP

The harmful effects of global warming on daily life are already showing up, and within a couple of decades hundreds of millions of people won't have enough water, top scientists will say next month at a meeting in Belgium.

You could keep waiting for so-called scientists to tell you how the world works, or you could listen to me. I don’t have the immense lag involved in peer review and publication.

will oil start world war 3

You’re still worried about oil? I’d take a fucking second to have a nice breather and consider instead what civil war in the US west might look like when Arizona uses up the last of the freshwater keeping golf-‌courses and show-‌lawns in 110° weather and the price of municipal water goes over a dollar a gallon. Tens of millions of people die every year from lack of fresh water now, not in some imaginary future where oil and shale and natural gas is finally running low and the tides are running a foot and a half higher. When it’s not just people south of the Equator dying like fraternity brain cells during pledge week I think you might see a change in world-‌wide focus.

will oil start world war 3, 07 May 2005

WorldTribune.com: U.S. reports 80 percent drop in Iraq insurgency strikes

Sedition·com reports 75% inflation of optimism and misdirection from Zionist news organizations. Yeah, I said it.

Last of deadly VX rockets destroyed

…VX blocks the action of acetylcholinesterase, thus resulting in sustained contractions of all the muscles in the body. Sustained contraction of the diaphragm muscle causes death by asphyxiation. As little as 200 micrograms is enough to kill an average person… VX Wikipedia entry

I haven’t thought about that fucking stuff for 20 years… wow. Do you have any idea how many illegal—by international conventions—weapons of mass destruction the US still has laying around and being researched and built right now? I wonder if anyone does.

Y’all are so scared of a nuke accident. Those things won’t go off without being in perfect working order and detonated intentionally. That’s why they’re so hard to build. They’re very difficult to detonate. When we finally do have a big accident with some horrifying weapon, look to the programs that haven’t ever had any mass media coverage.

MIT to offer its courses free online by year end

This is the best news wafting down from the ivory towers. Of course you’ll want to consider skipping the Linguistics chair’s lectures on politics and the Engineering department’s view on the divinity of the Christ.

Gaming 3.0: Sony's Phil Harrison explains the PS3 virtual community, Home

Aside from the stupid title… wow. Basically it’s Second Life meets the Sims but with much, much, much better graphics, audio, interface, freedom to create, and reason to invest time and care.

If Sony can pull this off—and doesn’t screw it up with too many rules or licensing crap—no more Microsoft in the videogame sector come Christmas 2011 or so.

Captain America dies on the page

Well… okay, I guess. As long as none of the really popular heroes like Iron Fist, Red Tornado, and Mary Marvel die too.

Teen shoots girl, self at Mich. school

Let this be a lesson young ladies and young men. Don’t get together with someone until you know them really well. Break up a little more carefully next time and don’t ever lie. It’s hard enough being a teenager already, yeah?

Gates warns on US immigration curbs

That’s the headline. When you realize that he’s only talking about H-1B immigrants the subtext becomes obvious:

Gates warns on fucking with his operational costs

Foreman: Matt Sanchez is not the hypocrite

Headless Matt Sanchez

But he does seem to be a liar who has revised his personal life and the duration and timing of said for his new friends.

Matt, “film career” is an expression for those who have either been put on film or at the very least seen a theatrical release; not those who have straight Vs beside all their entries on the IMDb.

I know you say you’re not gay. Fair enough, I suppose, not that it matters to me. You might consider if it matters to you. You have probably just made yourself a casual enemy of 80% of the gay men in the US, meaning if you ever have gay sex again, you’ll be outed again and you won’t be able to blame Ted Kennedy this time.

You should think about what’s going to make you happy in life. Pretending to be what Michelle Malkin wants you to be or living the way you want.

Now… let the dirty Sanchez jokes commence!


Me: Oh, Jesus. You didn’t.

Myself: How did you get past the Drixoral and Red Bull?

Me: Where’s our credibility going if you stomp on every point with poop covered shoes?

Myself: Heh-heh-heh-heh… You said, “Poop.” There’s nothing as funny as poop.

Me: You are not linking to that place.

Myself: Oh, but it was your idea: Doodie.com.

Me: Well… at least you didn’t mention the 11" schweinstucker.

Myself: Wait, wait, I’m still uploading the image!

Me: No, no, no. You know I hate that. Oh, no… You couldn’t have found one of Stacy Sanches instead?

Myself: Thank God for the Wayback Machine, huh?

Me: What does the “in” and “out” mean?

Myself: Well, you see. When one man, who is not gay, loves another man, who has every right to a private life, on video for a couple thousand bucks and a saucer of blow…

Me: Enough! I already read “Leaves of Grass.”

Myself: See, you can be funny!

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Discussion

Comments


jody

Re: This week in the news #18

For MAKING me view that, I hope you spent hours searching for the perfect image and your eyes are STILL bleeding. Pox on you.

By jody on 11 March 2007 · 07:48
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Ashley

Re: This week in the news #18

I must admit some feelings of discomfort—mostly I was just worried Julie would turn up over my shoulder, me sputtering, “B-b-b-but, you don’t understand. It’s for a piece! I’m not gay. Just like Matt!”—when researching it.

It was the other guy who stopped me from putting a black bar over the ol’ whangdoodle. At least I didn’t post an excerpt from his genre fiction.

By Ashley on 11 March 2007 · 12:59
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