This week in the news #64

Monday, 16 August 2010

Boy, 13, struck by lightning — on Friday the 13th

That’s some fine news gathering there. May we humbly suggest an alternative story that might be worth pursuing, you know if you have spare cycles in the coming years.

Afghanistan, 263, struck by US armed forced — on every fucking day of the last 9 years

In related news: Pop quiz: Where is Osama bin Laden? If you answered Afghanistan or Iraq you’re as dumb as your votes.

Teen sex not always bad for school performance

That’s what I keep telling the seniors at the high school down the street!

Israel to buy world's most advanced warplane

Israel's Defence Minister Ehud Barak on Sunday approved the purchase of a fleet of US-built F-35 strike fighters … Israel is initially expected to buy 20 of the aircraft in a deal worth an estimated 2.75 billion dollars…


The United States maintained grant aid to Israel at $3 billion annually and implemented a free trade agreement in 1985…


It was beautiful. We were selling … their own fat asses back to them.

Fight Club

US aid to Israel

If Aliens Exist, They Will Probably Love Bach

If we ever make contact with aliens, they might be more interested in learning about Van Gogh and Bach than Einstein or Newton, scientists said Saturday.

Scientists said Sunday that the bratwurst was overcooked.

Scientists said Monday that you better pick up your room before I get home, I have to grade papers tonight.

Scientists said Tuesday, she’s just my GA, for Godsakes! Why do you keep asking about her?

Scientists said on Wednesday, you’re fucking kidding? None of the beakers was washed between trials? Well… I mean… we can’t just throw that data out without thinking this through, right?

Scientists said on Thursday that the grant money is mine and neither you nor your snooping little ethics committee can do anything about it.

Scientists said on Friday, yeah, you want the house, you can have the fucking house! I won’t be needing it anymore!

Scientists said in a final statement you won’t have me to kick around anymore after tomorrow and a few of you might not be left to do any kicking either.

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