Matt Drudge = National Enquirer Lite™

Saturday, 28 August 2010

Matt Drudge really has become a sort of National Enquirer Lite™. I must point out that this is a bit of an unintended slight against the good people at the Enquirer who write more than headlines for a living. Word count alone, Matt is probably the highest paid creative writer in history.1 And this includes the artist formerly known as Richard Bachman. Back of the envelop calculations suggest Matt makes something like $8 per word he writes. Doesn’t sound like that much. If I made that this site would have paid me $6.3 million so far. This post alone would be another $1,984.

Here’s a typical day’s output for Matt–

Hours Away from Nuclear.

This about nuclear power actually. Not weapons. He’s doing this more and more. For example he wrote this about Obama starting his car–

ONE KEY TURN AWAY FROM A SERIES OF PERFECTLY TIMED EXPLOSIONS

And this for the Maine Lobster Festival–

THOUSANDS BOILED ALIVE IN A SINGLE DAY!

His piece after losing his virginity–

SEX SHOWN TO CAUSE AN 60% DECREASE IN PENIS SIZE
ACCOMPANIES SEVERE ELECTROLYTE LOSS

The headline for when his mother reached menopause–

AFTER BLEEDING FOR 35 YEARS, WOMAN’S ORGANS CEASE TO FUNCTION

And after his failed bar mitzvah–

EAST-COAST JEWS STINGY, VINDICTIVE

…S’okay. We can’t all be men, Matt. Or journalists.

1 You heard it here first. When someone else notices in two years, tell them who your daddy is. If you can remember. And you were ever sure.

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