Your IQ as determined by your favorite Star Wars movie

Monday, 8 November 2010

Empire Strikes Back

Empire Strikes Back → IQ > 120

Highlights: incest, Œdipal revelation, the last time we see the Force when it isn’t sucking George Lucas raw.
A New Hope

A New Hope → IQ 110–130

Highlights: there is a version available which George Lucas hasn’t reedited to include Greedo shooting first and about 10,328 other asinine frames spackled with the effluence of self-abuse.
Return of the Jedi

Return of the Jedi → IQ 90–109

The potentially normal IQ here deserves a sidebar: There is no accounting for taste so you may be of average intelligence. This profoundly stupid movie has every useless conceit of the “first” three movies plus Han saying “I love you” in what is the single worst moment of acting Harrison Ford has delivered in his 44 year career.
Highlights: Teddy bears throwing rocks can take out an armored storm trooper, Boba Fett going out like a bitch.
Revenge of the Sith

Revenge of the Sith → IQ 90s…ish

Highlights: while it does require Swiss engineered scientific tools to take the measurements, it sucked less than episodes I and II.
Attack of the Clones

Attack of the Clones → IQ 65–85

Highlights: I can’t really remember any of it.
The Phantom Menace

The Phantom Menace → IQ 35–64,
“Moderate to mild mental retardation”

Highlights: Microbes… …he just fucking said the Force is made of microbes. No wait! The Jedi are nothing but political tools who don’t blink at slavery or killing for the government. No wait! Indirect depiction of the Japanese as money grubbing, technophile, duplicitous war mongers. No, wait! Darth Vader built C3PO. No, wait! Anakin was born of immaculate conception. No, wait! Jar Jar Binks.
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