This week in the news #70

Saturday, 26 March 2011

Israel ready to react with “great force”: Netanyahu

Oh, thank God! I was so worried Israel was getting soft on killing Palestinian children.

Dead Kids v Dead Kids

CBS/Couric relationship ending with whimper, not bang…

And who, really, would chose the other way around?

US Finances Rank Near Worst in the World: Study

No, they don’t!!! You just hate America!!!! We’ll show you! We’ll drop a couple hundred billion more on military operations in Libya right now. Just to prove we can!!

This is not the economic report you’re looking for. We can go about our business. Move along. Move along.

Gen Y Not Slackers, Just Slow Starters

Whaaaaaaa??? Not only are they slackers, they are amoral shitheads who don’t know how to do the first fucking thing without directions or professional help, need prescriptions and cheating to be able to do the dumbed-down coursework that passes for higher education today, and think stealing is a human right.

On the plus side, seniors couldn’t compete with the younger generation in the past. I have a feeling I won’t have to look that hard for work into my centennial.

WWII vet discovers he’s not a U.S. citizen

Ninety-five-year-old Leeland Davidson discovered recently that he's not considered a U.S. citizen, despite living nearly 100 years in the country and serving in the U.S. Navy during WWII.

Could be a terrorist. We should really put him in holding until it’s all worked out.

Obama is keeping his peace prize

President Obama defended his Nobel Peace Prize on Tuesday, saying that Americans “don’t see any contradiction” in him ordering an attack on Libya to make sure “people aren’t butchered because of a dictator who wants to cling to power.”

And butchered instead by space age missiles fired from US ships and planes.

“When I received that award, I specifically said there was an irony because I was already dealing with two wars,” Obama said in an interview with CNN from El Salvador. “So I am accustomed to this contradiction of being both a commander-in-chief but also someone who aspires to peace.”

By killing record numbers of children in Afghanistan apparently. Civilian casualties are at an all time high. This is not the war report you’re looking for…

Morlock’s mother blames war, Army negligence for troubles

Of course she does. If she doesn’t she’ll have to admit what everyone else knows: she’s a terrible, terrible mother who raised a murderer.

Morlock to testify against fellow “kill team” troops.

This from the same situation: Trophy photos showing US soldiers with murdered Afghans likely to provoke backlash. Just so we know where we stand. US soldiers caught hunting civilians for sport might cause a drop in local enthusiasm for the efforts of US soldiers.

Religion may become extinct in nine nations, study says

Pack your bags! Australia, Austria, Canada, the Czech Republic, Finland, Ireland, the Netherlands, New Zealand, and Switzerland, here I come!

G.E. paid no taxes on $5.1 billion in profits

But if we could just raise taxes on the upper middle class barely making our mortgages … I mean, uh, their mortgage payments, we could uh, oh, skip it. Some of these just really don’t give much play.

AL QAEDA FIGHTERS JOIN LIBYAN REBELS

If you weren’t keeping score, the rebels are the ones we’re supporting with military strikes. In other words—because I really fear you aren’t smart enough to put together those two ideas—we’re on the side of Al Qaeda. Again.

I am actually surprised that it only took 10 years. I expected it to be 15. Ah, the pace of modern life.

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Discussion

Comments


Frederick

Re: This week in the news #71

But if we could just raise taxes on the upper middle class barely making our mortgages . . .

Is that supposed to be some kind of joke?

By Frederick on 27 March 2011 · 17:00
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Ashley

Re^2: This week in the news #71

Uh… apparently not in the sense you mean.

I paid something on the order of a hundred trillion percent more in taxes last year than GE did as they paid none and were actually credited to a grotesquely large figure. Taxing someone like me more is the outcome of these ridiculous “the rich aren’t carrying their weight” debates. The rich aren’t going to carry “their weight” no matter what the fuck you do.

But don’t worry, we’ll find a way to raise the funds to kill more foreigners and bail out corrupt financial institutions somehow. No, wait, fix the schools! That’s what we’ll use the money for. Just like we have been.

By Ashley on 27 March 2011 · 17:54
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Frederick

Re: This week in the news #71

I thought it was possibly a joke because the idea of summoning an ounce of pity for someone who is "upper middle class" and has over extended themselves to the point where the can't pay their mortgage is amusing to no end.

By Frederick on 29 March 2011 · 22:26
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Ashley

Re^2: This week in the news #71

Sure, but about futility not sympathy/pity. Though as long as I am paying the taxes for major corporations and the legion of 20something derps lining the avenues of downtown PNWia, to do nothing but suckle government employees, kill foreigners, and pay down Fannie Mae’s bad debts and foreclosure costs, I will keep some of my indignation.

Don’t nobody feel sorry for me! Sucka’!

By Ashley on 30 March 2011 · 07:13
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