The Fountainhead, starring Skull Force

Wednesday, 31 August 2011

“The Fountainhead,” starring Skull Force by Robert Lee.

*

Peter Keating: Sorry you got kicked out of school, Howard.

Howard Roark: Don’t be sorry for me, sucka!!! Don’t nobody never be sorry for me!!! (Clacks teeth menacingly.)


*

Peter: I work for the greatest architect in the world! Sorry you’re working for some washed-up shmoe. Say, can you do this work for me?

Howard: You betcha! But what I really ought to do is pull out your heart and eat it!!! AH-HAAAA-HAAAA-HAAA-HAAAAAAAAAA…


*

Peter: That building you designed for me made me rich and famous! I know you’re broke, Howard. Can I help you out?

Howard: Not me, buddy. I’m going to work in a quarry upstate. And you’re lucky I don’t take your spine with me as a souvenir! AH-HAAAA-HAAAA-HAAA-HAAAAAAAAAA…


*

Dominique Francon: Hello. To prove how far above the masses we are, would you like to break into my house tonight and rape me?

Howard: Would I? Hotcha!!! (Clacks teeth, intending to be jaunty, but comes across as menacing.)


*

Dominique: I love you so much I must destroy you!!! I think I’ll marry Peter Keating.

Howard: Wouldn’t have it any other way, baby!


*

The Masses: Oh, Ellsworth Toohey, you’re magnificent!

Ellsworth Toohey: If only they knew how much I despised them all, and how I long for every bit of their individuality to be eradicated. I must destroy that Howard Roark!!!


*

Gail Wynand: Now that I’ve met Howard Roark, I don’t think I’ll kill myself, and I’ll put all the resources of my vast publishing empire to work championing him! Let’s get married, Dominique!!!

Dominique: Okay.


*

Peter: Now I’m old and sad, Howard. Will you design this building for me?

Howard: Oh, why not?


*

Howard: Man, do I hate this building!!! Why do I keep doing buildings for that guy?


*

Howard: Blah, blah, blah, blah, ninety thousand pages of blah…blah, blah, blah…


*

Toohey: Howard Roark won, but at least I sued you and kept my job!!!

Wynand: Nuh-uh! I’ve realized that I’ll never be like Howard Roark, so I’m closing the paper and liquidating my vast financial empire.


*

Dominique: Yay! Now we can get married!!!

Howard: Why couldn’t we before?

The above parody was created by Robert Lee and lost to the Interwebs some time ago. We recently discovered a saved copy and return it to public view. If Mr Lee comes forward we’ll certainly add a link-back to anything he likes.

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