Conversation in a swamp c 1993

Friday, 24 February 2012

LUKE–AS

THE FUTURE? WILL THE MOVIES BE MADE?

ASHYO

(ASHYO CLOSES HIS EYES FOR A MOMENT.)

DIFFICULT TO SEE. ALWAYS IN MOTION IS THE FUTURE.

LUKE–AS

I’VE GOT TO START FILMING THEM.

ASHYO

DECIDE YOU MUST, HOW TO SERVE THEM BEST. IF YOU START STORYBOARDING NOW, FILM THEM YOU COULD, BUT YOU WOULD DESTROY ALL FOR WHICH THEY HAVE FOUGHT, AND SUFFERED.

LUKE–AS

(TAKES OUT HIS CELL PHONE AND DIALS A CASTING DIRECTOR.)

ASHYO

LUKE-AS! YOU MUST COMPLETE THE DUES PAYMENTS.

LUKE–AS

I CAN’T KEEP THE VISION OF C-NOTES FILLING MY SWIMMING POOL OUT OF MY HEAD. THEY’RE MY CASH COWS. I’VE GOT TO MILK THEM.

ASHYO

YOU MUST NOT DIRECT!

LUKE–AS

BUT JOSS WHEDON AND ALAN MOORE WILL ECLIPSE ME IF I DON’T.

NEIL-SAN

YOU DON’T KNOW THAT, PUSSY.

LUKE-AS LOOKS TOWARD THE VOICE IN AMAZEMENT. NEIL-SAN HAS MATERIALIZED AS A REAL, SLIGHTLY SHIMMERING IMAGE NEAR ASHYO. THE POWER OF HIS KI STOPS LUKE.

NEIL-SAN

EVEN ASHYO WOULDN’T PUSS OUT ON THIS. LITTLE BACKWARD TALKING PINK BITCH HE IS.

LUKE–AS

BUT I CAN BANK THEM! I FEEL THE MERCHANDISING!

NEIL-SAN

BUT YOU GOT NO DICK CONTROL. THIS IS A DANGEROUS TIME FOR YOU, WHEN YOU WILL BE TEMPTED BY THE FRANCHISING AND THE FREEDOM TO POP-OFF EVERY INANE WHIM WITHOUT SANE OVERSIGHT TO SHUT YOUR PUNK ASS DOWN LIKE IN ’76.

ASHYO

YES, YES. TO NEIL-SAN YOU LISTEN. THE EWOKS. REMEMBER YOUR FAILURE AT THE EWOKS!

LUKE–AS

BUT I’VE LEARNED SO MUCH NOT DOING ANY FILMS IN THE TEN YEARS SINCE THEN. MASTER ASHYO, I PROMISE TO RETURN AND MAKE A VIETNAM MOVIE. YOU HAVE MY AGENT’S NUMBER.

NEIL-SAN

IT IS YOU AND YOUR PROPERTIES THE TOY AND GAME MANUFACTURES WANT. THAT IS WHY YOUR EX-WIFE TOOK YOU FOR EVERYTHING FROM THE FIRST FILMS.

LUKE–AS

AND THAT IS WHY I HAVE TO START PRINCIPAL PHOTOGRAPHY.

NEIL-SAN

BITCH, I DON’T WANT TO LOSE YOU TO THE TRADE RAGS THE WAY I LOST COPPOLA.

LUKE–AS

YOU WON’T.

ASHYO

STOPPED THEY MUST BE; ON THIS ALL DEPENDS. ONLY A FULLY TRAINED DIRECTOR, WHO HAS MADE MORE THAN THREE MOVIES, TWO OF THEM OF MARGINAL QUALITY, AND NONE OF THEM THE BEST OF THE SERIES, WILL CONQUER THE SOPHOMORE SLUMP. IF YOU END YOUR DUES PAYMENTS NOW — IF YOU CHOOSE THE QUICK AND EASY PATH AS SPIELBERG DID — YOU WILL BECOME AN AGENT OF COMMERCIAL NONSENSE.

NEIL-SAN

SIT THE FUCK DOWN TILL YOU CAN WRITE A COHERENT TREATMENT WITHOUT ANY MICROBES OR RACIAL STEREOTYPES FOR ALIENS, SO-CAL.

LUKE–AS

AND SACRIFICE THE PREQUELS?

ASHYO

IF YOU HONOR THE ORIGINAL TRILOGY, YES!

Jar Jar says Great Job, George!

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