Guideline to homosexual tells

Friday, 20 April 2007

The Gay Army is out to get you!

With America at war abroad it’s easy to forget that we’re fighting a war at home. And losing. To the gays.

One of the most important things in fighting them and making sure they don’t come for you is to be able to identify them. Here at Sedition·com we’ve assembled everything you need to know to identify homosexuals before you inexplicably find yourself engaged in tonsil Jai-alai.

#1

A disdain of gay sex is a good sign but beware when the lady doth protest too much. A total, obsessive hatred of buttfuckery can be a red flag.

Compare these two reactions to “anal sex” between men–

  1. Mmmmm… in the butt? With a man? Not really for me, I think. I mean, you never know… but, nah.
  2. We must protect our children and our sacred institutions. Men who debase themselves with unholy sexual congress are a threat to us all and deserve to die!

Now, pick the closet door.

#2

Any many who owns a VW Jetta or Rabbit. He is unquestionably gay. While those who own tricked out Scions and Acuras are certainly suspicious there is no way to be sure without catching them with Christina Aguilera or Green Day in the CD changer.

#3

Fashion in and of itself is not a tell. The tell lies in the ratio of one’s finances regarding fashion. If a man’s expenditures in the haberdashery equals or exceeds his outlays for housing and board, gay, gay, gay, gay, gay!

#4

Any usage of the word skosh in any construction whatsoever.

Myself: Wait, wait, wait, wait. Little shoe’s on the other bound-foot now. You used it.

Me: I never.

Myself: Mmmmm… hold on–

Queries from the Weblog Addressed #1. All topics, questions, &c will come directly from the weblog. The answers will come from Ireland and Kentucky with just a skosh of ergot. Uh, yes, you did

Me: Oh, I guess I remember that. That was a bit. I guess I was trying to emulate a cool gay friend from work. That’s where I learned the word to start with.

Myself: So you’re saying the cool factor is what made you switch teams.

Me: What? No!

Myself: What else did you learn from this “cool gay friend” of yours?

Me: Well, some history of the Oscars and… hey, wait. No!

Myself: Is that how they recruit? Telling you it’s cool to be gay. All the kids are doing it, lots of perks, best friends with benefits your mom will let sleep over, and so forth.

Me: No! Though that last bit might have been nice. Well, actually I can see another major advantage to being gay. No emotional entanglements with women.

Myself: What exactly is so wrong with women?

Me: They’re all lying whores when you get right down to it.

Myself: Ah, okay. My mistake. You’re straight.

Me: No, no, wait. Lemme think about this a little more.

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Discussion

Comments


anne

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

you know ... your quote from somewhere ... you ought to hear my long snake moan ...just popped in to my head, with visions of you yard again, ... you are such a sexy guy , hug .. also i found myself looking for my led zep tapes the other day , ..oh and i love when you talk to yourself ..

By anne on 20 April 2007 · 13:24
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anne

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

your

By anne on 20 April 2007 · 13:25
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anne

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

just looking back at my comment... it is too hard to follow ..delete if you like ../ but of the other part ...i do love it when you talk to yourself ..

By anne on 20 April 2007 · 23:34
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William Shakesweasel

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

Does getting your semen on me during mutual masterbation in ABQ, count?? At least that time we were using our own hands...

By William Shakesweasel on 21 April 2007 · 01:45
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Ashley

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

Hey!!! You said you were taking donations for charity.

By Ashley on 21 April 2007 · 09:43
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anne

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

of williams comment , gosh i wish i was there for that, sign of a smiley face,from a girl with doe eyes ...

By anne on 21 April 2007 · 04:37
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William Shakesweasel

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

Not a very pretty picture. That was years before the brazilian...pubes you could floss your teeth with. All I have left is regret and cavities.

By William Shakesweasel on 22 April 2007 · 21:38
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anne

Re: Guideline to homosexual tells

is your friend shakes talking to me .. i guess he doesn't know that i'm a hippy girl ...

By anne on 23 April 2007 · 05:16
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