This week in the news #22

Sailors say Iran ordeal “very difficult”

I got a number for you pussies: 444.

15 Percent Increase in Iraq Deaths Despite Surge

Despite? I’m not a “coincidence equals causality” kind of guy but let’s at least entertain the redaction–

15 Percent Increase in Iraq Deaths Despite Due to Surge.

First woman faces death penalty in S.D.

Don’t get your hopes up. The story has nothing to do with Laura Bush.

“Sopranos” last run poses question: will Tony die?

He is a fat, balding, heavy-breathing man with an explosive temper and a reptilian gaze. Starting on Sunday and lasting nine weeks, Americans are going to be on tenterhooks, wondering if he will live or die. Reuters, Arthur Spiegelman

Sedition·come-off-it poses question: will anyone care?

The last season was an over-spiced turd of uncertain taxonomy which was filled with slush pile scripts about being dead left over from Northern Exposure and only included a single interesting moment with Tony—when he intentionally goaded his muscle-bound body guard into swinging at him so he could go alpha-male in front of the boys who were having doubts about his power—and a fun but predictable and ultimately very unsatisfying plot arc about being a mafioso fag.

If I had worked on any of those episodes I would have asked for the ol’—now deprecated—Alan Smithee treatment.

Fuck all y’all who tuned in for that shite last year and stiffed Deadwood; the show which actually deserved another season.

Supreme Court Nixes Guantanamo Detainees’ Appeal

Nixons? No? Nixes? Oh.

The botched US raid that led to the hostage crisis

Didn’t you know it? That somehow George Bush would be responsible for even this.

Search your feelings. You know it to be true.

Heather Mills Denies She’s a “Gold Digger”

Do you suppose we’ll soon see Heather messin’ wit a broke n… er, uh, Ringo?