Okay, all kidding aside

Friday, 22 November 2002

Nigeria is the cradle of black African civilization. At the same time the Picts and Brits were buggering each other in the name of Pendragon, the Nok were creating the art that would fuel rip-off artists like Picasso throughout the post-modern art revolution; which was more ultra-pre-modern than post-modern after all. If you see early African art next to Picasso’s work and also note that his radical style change came just after major African art exhibits debuted in Paris… well, let’s say the Art of Noise may not have called Picasso an asshole but I will. We don’t know much about the culture of the Nok but we know their art was superlative and peaceful.

I know this because my last two art history classes were Asian and African art history. I know what a fan ding is too. Do you finally see the value of a college education?

Amina Lawal of modern Nigeria had a baby out of wedlock. Her distant heritage is Nok just as my distant heritage is a bunch of stone stacking sister bangers. Amina is sentenced to be stoned to death by Muslim law. Not some vague provincial unheard of branch of Muslim law but really quite common Muslim law.

To every black person in the world who thinks Islam is the proper religion of black people, I ask, “What about the Nok? Are you fucking mad?” I guess that’s rhetorical. A good portion of Nigeria seems to be quite mad and not just because of Amina. There’s Agbani and Mohammed too.

The Miss World pageant was supposed to happen in Nigeria on Pearl Harbor Day. This was a coup for a nation only even remembered as a country by the rest of the world because of its famous Internet bank scam.

Agbani DaregoNigeria won the right to host the pageant by having its contestant Agbani Darego win the previous. Nigeria could have been known for having the most beautiful women in Africa. You don’t believe me? Check it out:

That honor is going back to Ethiopia where it belongs because of what happened yesterday.

At least 100 people are dead because of the Miss World pageant and because a journalist at a newspaper called ThisDay published an op-ed piece about women in swimsuits that opined: “What would Muhammad think? In all honesty, he would probably have chosen a wife from among them.”

When he wrote that, it sparked riots. Lots of people were burned and hacked to death in the best West and Central African idiom. And you thought American journalists were dangerous.

A hundred people died and hundreds more were injured or maimed for a beauty contest. They only wear one-piece suits for Godsakes! All this death and pain for what? For a misunderstanding over lost cultures that the Prophet Mohammed has any business even being known in Africa at all. All over a simple opinion and a misunderstanding. It’s amazing.

I mean! If more than 100 human lives can be lost for someone suggesting that the Prophet Mohammed might have married a beauty queen just imagine how many lives might be lost if some careless individual were to suggest that the Prophet Mohammed took it in the ass.

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