She should know what really happened

Saturday, 19 April 2003

Danielle is a gorgeous, intelligent and kind young lady from Taos. Not like you nobodies née New York. We all called her Dani. We all thought she was terrific. I never tried to lay a hand on her over-developed-self, unlike some of the boys. You know who you are. She was the smart little sister in the group. Never mind the buds gone to flower pre-legal.

I heard that Dani thought and said some quite terrible things about me. This hurt and confused me. As I said, I thought the world of her and never did her harm. I was confused for a year or so. Recently it occurred to me what was probably going on.

Long time back, I was down hanging around with Cort and Barnaby at my house I think. I can’t remember anything about what I was doing but that it was the kitchen phone I answered. We were probably playing music. I just know we weren’t up the canyon at Barnaby’s house because Calvin called from there.

We all owned knives. It was the thing. And unicycles. That was the other thing. Northern New Mexico could only be more boring for adolescents if it were more difficult for them to purchase alcohol and narcotics.

It seems Calvin and Eliam were playing with one of the toothéd representatives of the pantheon of 440. Calvin called and told me Eliam had stabbed himself in the leg while poking at a Popsicle stick on his thigh. He called me in part b/c everyone else in my family with my name was a doctor at the time.

I asked how bad it was and got a vague answer which led me to believe it was like all the other knife wounds I’d had and seen lately: not that bad. Calvin said he was going to use hydrogen peroxide to clean it. I told him that it wouldn’t do any good on a puncture wound. He said he’d try some liquor then. I volunteered that this was also not efficacious or particularly lucid. I said, “If you’re worried about it, you should go see a doctor.” This didn’t sit well with him. I said something along the lines of, “Okay. But if it still hurts or is hot or really red in another hour, he needs to go to the emergency room to get looked at.” And we hung up.

Calvin is now one of my good friends and Eliam is a great guy. At the time they were fucking stupid 14 or 15 year-olds. And at that particular time, they were both drunk off their asses. That was the other reason they called me instead of a parent and why they didn’t want to have anything to do with a doctor. And why Eliam passed out for the better part of the day, didn’t see a doctor, and ended up with blood poisoning that came pretty close to killing him.

Eliam’s sister is, you guessed it, Dani. Dani probably never heard that version of the story. She probably heard the one from her mother: Reb Judith.

Orthodox Judaism and Christianity are antiwoman in that they are patriarchal. God is He. Woman, first in sin, is made not even of mud but of a piece of the mud pie. You can’t reclaim it. It’s an antithesis. A woman becoming a Rabbi is a bit like a black man trying to become a Grand Dragon. Revealing.

When Eliam lay in the hospital that moaning old bag of cat bones did what she always did. She kvetched and wailed and blamed everyone else—she fired poor Harry once for something he didn’t do either—for her son’s brush with the great Lexicographer. She even threatened to sue me, a minor at the time, or my parents. I can only imagine what she said about me to Dani. I can only imagine that Dani might still have the notion that I nearly killed her brother.

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