About the “author”

Thursday, 20 November 2003

For the fifth anniversary I’m taking a page from the top 10 mistakes of web design and providing a bio. That is to say, I’m correcting the mistake of having previously not provided one which was itself the mistake from the top 10 list of which I was speaking. I used to be a writer.

I think we can do this in a pretty straightforward fashion otherwise.

My name is Ashley. It’s a boy’s name along with Carol, Leslie, Gail, Jody, Shannon, Dana, and Vivian. I’m a fourth generation New Mexican. I dislike first generation ones. I’m 14 or 15th generation American. I like first and 500th generation ones just fine.

In college I worked a graveyard shift and managed a copy shop. A classmate who plagiarized my work got an English degree and an A- for doing so.

I get angry sometimes but it’s okay because I am sincere about it even when it’s a bit obtuse. One of my genuine pieces of sedition was passed around the CIA some years ago.

On top of old Solbong I taught English while drinking a lot of OB Lager and lemon soju from glass pitchers with breasts with Shawn and taking extra classes for a fellow named Tim. The photo is what I look like in I’chon-si, Kyonggi-do.

I hadn’t voted for a few years before 2004 and I don’t feel one bit bad about it. Though I do feel bad when I’m wrong.

Design is one of my skills. Medical advice is one of my hobbies. Lexicography is my true love.

I don’t write my friends as often as I should but then I simply don’t write for that matter and I’m not easy to be friends with anyway.

When I used to write, I wrote quite a bit of poetry, short stories, and such like.

I endorse having the greatest number of unoccupied females possible, so if there is anything I can do to encourage young men to be gay, I will and I do.

Yojo and Will used to beat me at chess but Bobby Fischer never did. Like you, I wanted to be an astronaut. I posted some lyrics about the Columbia that I think no one connected with the date.

I like girls who smile. Ever since that March you fell, I’ve known just how to make others feel better. I am an amateur theologian and have written some study questions for your bible discussion group.

In 20 years of diverse employment, I’ve only ever had one truly unpleasant manager but it was bad enough to make me quit and lose at least a quarter million dollars in doing so.

I loved all the 15 countries I’ve visited and they all loved America. That was a long time ago, though, as I’m sure you guessed.

Recycling is something I try to do and it goes hand in hand with my minor obsession regarding things by their proper names and answering the unanswerable.

Being nice is important to me, but being honest is moreso. The single most offensive thing I’ve posted didn’t get one piece of hate mail. I guess no one made it to the last paragraph.

Now you know everything about me except how to find the secret notes on many of these pages and my email address. Oh, now I’ve gone and done it. For petesakes don’t bother sending me any penis enlargement literature—I’ve been considering reduction surgery for some time. Now you really know everything about me and in correcting this top 10 web mistake, I’ve unfortunately entered into the realm of top 10 personal decision mistakes.



Your favorite writer,

–Ashley

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Discussion

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ashleywollam

Re: About the “author”

Just wanted to send you a note to tell you that I am a boy, and my name is Ashley. You're the first I've come across beside myself: for a while now I have started giving credit to the possibility that I am the last of a dying breed. I'm pleased to see there are at least TWO of us still kicking, despite the years of nomenclature-related abuse.

Cheers,

Ashley

By ashleywollam on 9 August 2007 · 06:11
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Ashley

I…IX and counting

You now know 3 more living and 5 dead ones by proxy and that’s just in my family. It’s still listed as like 150th in boys’ names so it’s not gone, just overwhelmed by the waves of mothers who might as well have named their daughters Steve or Phillip; see also.

By Ashley on 9 August 2007 · 12:29
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