How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Tuesday, 23 December 2003

Crashing jets is flamboyant but ultimately a bad investment because, like bank robbery, it’s likely to cost you more than you gain. The average take in a successful bank holdup is $2,500 but the prison sentence if you survive capture is likely to be in the 10-20 year range. Destroying America is no different. You have to pick your endeavors to maximize your cost-benefit ratio.

We at Sedition·com know how hard it is to keep your priorities straight and how many excellent opportunities are hiding out in plain sight. So, for the terrorist on the go, we’ve taken the time to assemble the best possible instruction set for destroying America. We apologize for the dearth of colored charts and graphs.

Create a line of affordable luxury SUVs

This is a sort of game of chicken but it could pay big. If you provide huge cars to US drivers that look like BMWs and get 7 miles to the gallon, you’ll accelerate the depletion of Petroleum and the cycle of the US’s involvement in the Middle East. It might make things worse for the oilier Islamic countries for a time but it’s going to be doing more damage to the US.

The efficacy of this tactic is a matter of historical record best illustrated by Reagan’s destruction of Soviet Russia. Sure the arms race hurt the US but it hurt them a little bit more. That’s all that matters.

Join a country club

We have no idea how the belief that Jews are either well-liked or even really tolerated in and by the USA got started.

Buy stock in Philip Morris

Frankly, 3,000 dead is soooo open mic night. The frickin flu killed 35,000 Americans last year. Alcohol got 80,000. Even ladders, stairs, Drano®, and Flinstones® vitamins killed off 20,000 Americans in the same period. So 3,000? Pshaw! That’s prom-night.

If you’re truly interested in wiping out millions of Americans, Philip Morris is the answer. Tobacco killed well over 400,000 Americans last year. Besides, flight lessons and training are expensive, Philip Morris’s stock is not.

The US Department of Justice website

Department of Justice courtesy copy of the Al Qaeda training manualThe DOJ has numerous resources that are terribly hard to come by most of the time. You can pick up your continuing education with the graciously provided PDF of an Al Qaeda Training Manual1.

Vote Republican

We add nothing.

Become journalists

Don’t bother with small papers either; the New York Times will hire you if you’re ethnic enough and they don’t do anything much in the way of what other papers call fact checking so it’s porn for propagandists. Just ask the ghosts of the 5-8 million Ukrainians they and Walter Duranty helped usher to a better place. If for some reason you’re not ethnic, try Fox News.

1 Update, 9 July 2008. The DOJ took down the link — http://www.usdoj.gov/ag/trainingmanual.htm. The document can now be found here: Alleged Al Qaeda Training Manual. As the title suggests, it appears the DOJ mislabeled it so it would make better propaganda.
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Discussion

Comments


Xcess

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

I hate all americans and I want to kill them all, I don't want to wait until the their last days, I want all of them be butcher and slaughter like pigs, all those dumb assholes and bitches all deserved to die. Your steps are vague and I wonder if whether there is some kind of aid I could support those terrorists who want to destroy America. I'm willing pay for their ammunitions, guns, bombs, anything would help them defeat the devil americans. Please respond back.

By Xcess on 25 May 2007 · 13:41
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Talk about commitment to a bit!

By Ashley on 25 May 2007 · 14:54
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secret duh dumbass

Re^2: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

ill help you destroy it from the inside i just need money im brewing an army.

By secret duh dumbass on 21 February 2010 · 17:05
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Xcess

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Yes,you probably don't know the story behind everything you hear. If you saying, it's illegal for me to say these things, so be it! I hate america and I hate americans. They don't have anything, they're the dumbest people on the planet. And I will do whatever to degrade america, I won't feel say if it destroy itself.

By Xcess on 26 May 2007 · 07:25
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anne

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

you are misunderstanding the writer of this blog ... try to work with a translator ..

By anne on 26 May 2007 · 11:35
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Pender

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

I don't feel "say" when you write such mean, mean things!!! :'( Or maybe I do feel "say", since I have no idea what you actually mean.

I kinda don't agree though, I think americans have things.

By Pender on 26 May 2007 · 16:51
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Xcess

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Listen, I don't need to explain anything to you all. I got reasons everywhere, peace!

By Xcess on 26 May 2007 · 17:43
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Pender

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

I hate you and I want you to die a horrible, horrible death. Peace out man!

By Pender on 26 May 2007 · 18:57
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Oh… nice. If I’d been drinking I might have done a spit take on that.

By Ashley on 26 May 2007 · 19:04
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Xcess

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

patriotism is everywhere, even on the internet. yanks will always be yanks, morally and biolocially! :P every member in this forum are all yanks anyway, they will never agree, say you stuff somewhere else. click on my name!

By Xcess on 27 May 2007 · 08:40
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

They’re bouncy, trouncy, flouncy, pouncy, fun, fun, fun, fun, fun! But the most wonderful thing about _________ is I’m the only one. Yes, I’m the only one.

Better a yank than a wank.

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 11:38
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Crank?

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 12:11
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Stank.

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 12:11
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Bank!

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 12:12
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

No

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 12:12
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

thank

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 12:12
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Ashley

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

you.

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 12:12
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Ashley

30

I’m the man! I’m the man! I’m bad! I’m so bad I should be in detention! I’m the man!

By Ashley on 27 May 2007 · 12:13
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alteredbeast6

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

look, anyway of america, is retarded, your all fat retards, who eat burgers, britain in like the 1950s, or something like that, was good, until you bought your fatty shitty foods here, so, a yank than a wank huh? i bet you have the stupidest accent, and lets see, 911 was the perfect day to laugh at the americans, anyone take the chance? i would, your all pathetic, go and die in your greasy, sloppy holes that stink of ciggaretes, burgers and drugs, because you are but a scorch of shit on this earth, the terrorists are doing what they need to do, good for them! i vote for them!

By alteredbeast6 on 24 September 2009 · 15:09
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Ashley

Re^2: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Well reasoned … I mean well conceived … I mean well written … I mean well spelled … I mean well capitalized …

I mean … Well, at least you’ll have the dole and state dental care.

By Ashley on 24 September 2009 · 21:03
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Laxassasin

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

HAHAHAHA you stupid nerd terrorists... you dumb dropouts! you feel bad so you're going on an online forum to vent your hatred because you are all nothing more than insecure no-lifes! you aren't f-ing philosophical f-ing geniuses so curb the crap America is degrading yes but only because a-holes like you allow it to do so.

By Laxassasin on 19 May 2010 · 21:26
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mike totten

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

9\11 was good but a gross misallocation of money,time and disposibal life.grandstanding in this war is not practical,run silent,run deep...lives lost then is nothing compared lives lost from americans pursuing their greedy goals.quebec canada supplies elecro to all of newyork i have located 137 points that COULD be messed with simple devices that would have to all be deployed before the first was detonated. depriving them for even 20 days would cause anarchy martial law hopfully forcing to redeploy troops on their own soil reducing military strength in iraq wait for changes in troop movements then exploit the situation. in british columbia they supply much of the hydro all the way down to n.cali. what would happen if that where to be hexed? american water resovoirs HAVE NEXT TO NO SECURITY. a nation of war criminals they should be treated as such and be brought to heel. the lowest form of humanity is only a rifle shot from here i have a pyro-tech freind who will donate for our cause another who knows of the location of several drums of raw amonium nitrate that could not be traced...we need more men isreal should be attacked concurrently in a similer way. p.l.o. need advisers? i am looking for a free ride to the middle east the only thing i have left to live for is to make our world a better place.join the candian free malitia belial007@live.com may the world soon be at peace and love

By mike totten on 19 November 2010 · 16:50
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Karen Woo

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Mmm, let's see. Destroy the family. Celebrate homosexuality. Create vacuous celebrity culture. Invade foreign countries and kill as many foreigners as possible (pretend you are doing it to support democracy). Attack foreign countries by revising history as you see fit. Spread porn around the world together with the dreadful money- and fame-obsessed celebrity culture conceived earlier. Worship money and possessions. And oil. Pretend you are somehow better than everyone else (even though you stole your entire nation and are essentially a European colony) and instil arrogance in the national psyche through a corrupted education system that exists only to generate slaves to a military-industrial complex controlled by a handful of corporate Luciferians. Your meddling in the affairs of other nations and destruction of what they hold dear will now have succeeded in generating seething hatred for the USA in every other country in the world, especially those considered close allies. Now sit back and watch the show.

"[They] will hate the prostitute. They will bring her to ruin and leave her naked; they will eat her flesh and burn her with fire."

By Karen Woo on 30 November 2010 · 12:21
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Wotansk

Re: How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

American people are not more than a bunch of landstealers who fleed from Europe. Well Traitors landstealers your time has come Even 80% of all Euopeans realy fucking hate you. Hamburger eating, Baby dog throwing, Child molesting, Pedophiles! By Odin i hope u fuckers go down real fast

Nuke em till they glow, and then shoot em in the dark FUCK USA;)

By Wotansk on 13 May 2011 · 02:31
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