How to destroy America; step by step instructions for Al Qaeda

Crashing jets is flamboyant but ultimately a bad investment because, like bank robbery, it’s likely to cost you more than you gain. The average take in a successful bank holdup is $2,500 but the prison sentence if you survive capture is likely to be in the 10-20 year range. Destroying America is no different. You have to pick your endeavors to maximize your cost-benefit ratio.

We at Sedition·com know how hard it is to keep your priorities straight and how many excellent opportunities are hiding out in plain sight. So, for the terrorist on the go, we’ve taken the time to assemble the best possible instruction set for destroying America. We apologize for the dearth of colored charts and graphs.

Create a line of affordable luxury SUVs

This is a sort of game of chicken but it could pay big. If you provide huge cars to US drivers that look like BMWs and get 7 miles to the gallon, you’ll accelerate the depletion of Petroleum and the cycle of the US’s involvement in the Middle East. It might make things worse for the oilier Islamic countries for a time but it’s going to be doing more damage to the US.

The efficacy of this tactic is a matter of historical record best illustrated by Reagan’s destruction of Soviet Russia. Sure the arms race hurt the US but it hurt them a little bit more. That’s all that matters.

Join a country club

We have no idea how the belief that Jews are either well-liked or even really tolerated in and by the USA got started.

Buy stock in Philip Morris

Frankly, 3,000 dead is soooo open mic night. The frickin flu killed 35,000 Americans last year. Alcohol got 80,000. Even ladders, stairs, Drano^®, and Flinstones^® vitamins killed off 20,000 Americans in the same period. So 3,000? Pshaw! That’s prom-night.

If you’re truly interested in wiping out millions of Americans, Philip Morris is the answer. Tobacco killed well over 400,000 Americans last year. Besides, flight lessons and training are expensive, Philip Morris’s stock is not.

The US Department of Justice website

The DOJ has numerous resources that are terribly hard to come by most of the time. You can pick up your continuing education with the graciously provided PDF of an Al Qaeda Training Manual.

Vote Republican

We add nothing.

Become journalists

Don’t bother with small papers either; the New York Times will hire you if you’re ethnic enough and they don’t do anything much in the way of what other papers call fact checking so it’s porn for propagandists. Just ask the ghosts of the 5-8 million Ukrainians they and Walter Duranty helped usher to a better place. If for some reason you’re not ethnic, try Fox News.