Class action –or– Not the suing kind

Monday, 9 February 2004

I have in the past and even lately insulted the integrity and feminine hygiene of a few individuals based solely on their proclivity to bring suit in situations where any reasonable adult would conclude that they were done no serious or lasting harm.

I guess I understand how we can fall out of trust based on the actions of others and I shouldn’t admit it but it hurts me that you don’t believe I have a right to stand on this soapbox.

We were going to a Primus show in ’Burque. My word that man Les hops like he is made of pogo-sticks. Here’s another chance to show that I own the soapbox—I drove us all to the show sober. While I will help my sister back a VW van out of an unfortunate parking situation at the Angladas Building too drunk to stand, I will not drive in any gear but reverse while intoxicated.

Once we were parked in the garage, out came the beer. Coors Extra Gold in 16 ounce cans. Now you also see my credibility as an American was unfairly smeared when someone saw me buying Japanese beer on one occasion.

Quickly through my first 16 fl-ozes, I opened my next beer and began to go. Once the can was tipped a bit, I got a mouthful of broken glass. How broken glass gets in a can of beer is beyond me since I’m sure bottles and cans are handled in different plants, but it did appear to be the brown glass from a regular Coors bottle.

I spat the beer and glass fragments onto the parking garage pavement.

My two compatriots were shocked and dismayed but I wasn’t cut and if I swallowed any glass, it wasn’t much. They recommended saving the beer and bringing suit. It’s true I was upset, but only that I would be unable to finish my second beer.

I suppose I should have complained at least. Surely the good grandsons of Adolf Coors would have set me up with a compensatory case of the alcoholic variety.

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