Who(m) you can trust, reprise (expurgated)

Sunday, 7 March 2004

I cannot tell you definitively who to trust—the list is too small and too many phony credentials are available and, I sheepishly confess, my track record is not stellar—but I can tell you whom you cannot trust. That at least will save you some time.

You always think I’m wrong about this stuff and then 3 years later you’re sorry but still ready to go another throw. Skinned knees and all.

You cannot trust someone who won’t have a drink with you. It means one of 3 things.

  1. The person who won’t drink with you doesn’t drink and is therefore either some brand of socio-religious-fanatic or on daily medication that proscribes alcohol consumption. Neither one makes for trust. Crazy or damaged. That it may not be his or her fault doesn’t change the conclusion.
  2. The person who won’t drink with you is an alcoholic attempting recovery. You can’t trust an addict. The end. If you doubt the veracity of this, we have three adjuncts to describe your problem:
    1. Too young to have discovered this already.
    2. To stupid to learn lessons no matter how painful or obvious or painfully obvious.
    3. You are yourself an addict and you haven’t hit bottom yet.
  3. The person who won’t drink with you dislikes you. While they may be right not to like you, the point today isn’t, “Are you a likable person?” it’s “who you can trust.” You can’t trust someone who dislikes you.

You cannot trust someone who will drink with you. They could be an alcoholic in denial. We already covered trust and addicts. They could just want to get you drunk enough to fuck you. Don’t assume anything based on gender and never accept a drink you didn’t open yourself or see poured at the bar.

You cannot trust someone who only knows how to do one thing. This is the sign of a mind with no interest in the world. Someone who doesn’t care about the world is hardly going to care about who? Oh, you! They can’t even be troubled to keep track.

You cannot trust someone who thinks a college education matters. It means they think they are better than you by their education. Or maybe not technically better, just better equipped to make decisions than you are. Decisions like who gets to vote, who writes policy, who gets jobs, who gets a bullet in the back of the neck, so on.

You cannot trust someone who thinks education is bullshit. It means they think they are better than you by flavor of faith or skin tone or favored malt liquor. You have to have an education to know why you’re better than others.

You cannot trust anyone who writes online. They don’t know you, or are miles away from you. This means they can say whatever they want without fear of even oral reprisal let alone a Texas-style correction of view. Anyone who doesn’t have to look you in the eyes while they talk with you can’t be trusted.

Present company excepted.

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