What I did on my summer vacation

Wednesday, 17 March 2004

I promised a report based on the pages views of this: I am selling a nuclear bomb… I’m not in the mood to write it but a promise is a promise. I wish my dead aunt Dotty had felt that way while living. All I wanted to do was go riding. She promised.

Countries trying to destroy America

These are the 39 countries who want to either obtain nuclear weapons or just kill Americans (47 visits were not traceable to a country).

Egypt, Australia, Sweden, Russian Federation, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Pakistan, Bulgaria, Norway, Canada, China, South Africa, Singapore, Finland, Ireland, Portugal, Greece, Latvia, Turkey, Italy, Philippines, Germany, Republic of Korea, Iceland, Belgium, New Zealand, Mexico, Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China, Maldives, Yugoslavia, Netherlands, Brazil, Japan, France, Croatia, Poland, Malaysia, Israel, India, and Denmark.

You think you know who your friends are.

Nuclear weapon FAQs

The most asked questions were as expected (454 visitors had no discernible or English query). A total of 162 distinct questions brought visitors in 1,103 times between the time the page went up and now.

how to make a nuclear bomb, and variants (503 times).

nuclear bombs for sale, and materials variants (35 times).

fucking americans (2 times).

how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush (2 times).

yankee pig dogs (2 times). I like being called yankee pig dog. It has the same level of acerbic mordancy that I’m sure billionaires feel when being called capitalist swine by kids doused in patchouli.

i’m going to bomb america. Listen, boys… I know the FBI is looking out for #1 but you’re not going to catch anyone this way. McVeigh didn’t have a website.

The punchline is too obvious and too tiring to cover up. The number one position for trying to find out how to build, buy, or borrow nuclear weapons is the 40th country on the list. The United States.

Raw data

Now, the who, the how many, and the selected highlights.

United States, 600.

We seem to know a bit about them already. Surprising number of references to actual models.

  • ajax bomb
  • b61 nuclear bomb
  • b61-7 nuclear weapon
  • buy nuclear bomb -book
  • do you sell h bombs
  • how to get a nuclear bomb
  • how to make a nuclear bomb
  • kill americans bomb
  • kill all americans (whoops! how did that slip in?)
  • nuclear bombs in america and why they are good (optimism over spring, I imagine).
  • triton icbm
  • uranium hexafluoride dirty bomb

United Kingdom, 154.

Our best friends. Yay for friendship!

  • dirty bombs
  • how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush
  • i want to buy a ss-n-20
  • i want to buy nuclear weapons
  • i want to buy plutonium
  • i want to buy weapons grade plutonium
  • i’m going to bomb america
  • nuclear bombs and where to buy them
  • where can i buy a nuclear bomb?

Canada, 58.

Close reliable neighbors are so important.

Australia, 47.

So like us.

No country (secret shoppers), 47.

  • b61-7 nuclear weapon
  • buy a nuclear bomb
  • how do i make a nuclear bomb
  • how to make a nuclear bomb
  • how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush
  • how to make nuclear bomb
  • i want to buy weapons grade plutonium
  • i want to buy weapons grade uranium
  • nuclear bombs for sale

Finland, 16.

Well, if I were Finnish I’d be thinking about getting some protection too.

  • fucking americans

Netherlands, 15.

Hookers and heroin aren’t distraction enough?

India, 12.

We’ll be outsourcing our own production soon so you’ll get all the schematics you need.

Italy, 10.

E tu?

Belgium, 10.

Still mad we call them French fries, eh?

New Zealand, 9.

Hey, we prop up your economy with fantasy epics!

Japan, 9.

Well, that’s a fine konichiwa.

  • fucking americans

Denmark, 9.

Still and forever rotten.

China, 8.

They don’t ask much because…

  1. Don’t need to—have plenty already.
  2. Risk being shot in the back of the head for visiting my site.

France, 7.

One is tempted to ask: And how about the Rwandans?

Israel, 7.

Well, I’m sure it’s difficult to spell in Hebrew too. Or Bedawi, Fellahi, and such.

  • nuclear detonator (the only difficult part of an a-bomb)
  • israel nuklier strategic
  • israel nyucler
  • newclear bombs
  • newclear weapon

Germany, 6.

You had your turn turns. Let someone else play.

Also ran

The runners up in this beauty pageant.

Brazil, 5.

Sweden, 4.

Republic of Korea, 4.

Pakistan, 3.

Surprisingly poor showing.

Norway, 3.

Oi san—what a brother does to a brother.

South Africa, 3.

What?

Portugal, 3.

What? What?!

Philippines, 3.

Switzerland, 2.

That’s not very neutral of you.

Ireland, 2.

Greece, 2.

Mexico, 2.

Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China, 2.

Malaysia, 2.

Egypt, 1.

Surprising lack of Internet cafés in Egypt.

Russian Federation, 1.

Bulgaria, 1.

Singapore, 1.

Latvia, 1.

Turkey, 1.

Iceland, 1.

Maldives, 1.

Yugoslavia, 1.

Croatia, 1.

Poland, 1.

Not gonna do it.

Conclusion

You can’t call me a liar, anyway.

07/28/2004 The second report is here.

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