The year was 1988. Walking with James on patrol one night we talked politics. I remarked that basically every president since Teddy was a disappointment as I saw it and that most of them had seriously harmed the country; financially or morally or both.

He said, “Well who would you put in office?”

I said, “A businessman.”

He said, “Interesting. How about Donald Trump?”

I said, “No way.”

In ’88 the billion dollar hairdo was a household word along with Ivana. It was a couple years before his supernova bankruptcy but I could smell the stink of failure and corruption on him. A true accidental billionaire; not in any Jobsian sense of bringing something to the game beyond a more charismatic than average, “I’d like to show you a bridge.”

“Who then?”

“I don’t know.” Four years later, I found out who.

The last time I voted for a president I voted for Perot. 19% of those who turned out voted for Perot so that’s only a shock to about half of you nit-wits.

A slick talking serial adulterer won the election with 4 out of 10 votes (with 5 out of 10 voting; making it fully 23% of America that put him in the big chair). Do you get that? If you asked 10 people on the street in 1993, Did you vote for Clinton? 8 of them would have said, No.

He wasted a lot of time and money by lying about his pecker at work. He did other things like sign 50 new death penalty crimes into law that were targeted at blacks and Hispanics and sitting by, suppressing the information, while there was French assisted genocide in Rwanda yet somehow he was the “black president.” What a brother does to a brother, right?

Perot massaged a couple thousand dollars into a couple billion as a businessman. In other words, he wasn’t a fuck-up like Trump and George². He could manage money. He is also the only corporate head I’m aware of who sponsored a successful international rescue of hostage employees. Remember the embassy employees who spent 444 days behind blindfolds at the Tehran Comfort Inn? Perot’s players came home without giving guns to terrorists. He was heroic, successful, and dirt free.

But he was short, had a squeaky voice, and wasn’t attractive. So fuck him, right?

I was gonna vote for Dean for president. I didn’t entirely like him. His politics are way too left for me. But he was a good governor on the balance sheet and he doesn’t stink like a professional politician. He was angry; like anyone who isn’t is a moron. He was legit.

Legit doesn’t play anymore. It’s a fucking joke to CNN and most all y’all. So be it.

Kerry is a professional politician. A flipping switch. A public barometer. For war? Okay, go to war and kill people. Gimme that gun, I can do it myself, for 4 months anyway. Against war? Okay, come home and throw someone else’s medals at the White House. Time for war again? Okay, vote war! A few times. Against war again so soon? I hate war. He missed the last half year of work because he was looking for a new job. He is a member of most of the same clubs as the current president you seem to believe is so different.

We talked about it before. Choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. You can say, “Oh, I’m just being practical.” You’re just practically being a Nazi.

You think most of 1938 Germany wanted to exterminate the Jews and annex Poland? Fuck no. They just wanted jobs and to feel safe. Ring any bells?

You wouldn’t let Dean get there because somehow you thought he couldn’t beat Georgey. I suppose maybe he couldn’t have but he would have got at least one vote Kerry will never see.

I really miss New Mexico because in New Mexico when your mullet-wearing tweaker roofing-contractor fucks you, sending the biggest rains the Pacific Northwest has known in 100 years cascading down the insides of your 80 year-old walls and the replacement roof to fix the situation at some considerable additional expense happens to entomb a couple rats that made in into the attic crawl space under the previous “roof”–those rats putting up quite a ruckus as they starve to death under their new, better built coffin lid on a night when the furnace has been burned out for two weeks so you’ve discovered that leaving the oven door open on 450° makes a fair substitute if your only goal is to prevent hypothermia—in New Mexico the rats would have quickly dessicated into mummies instead of rotting with a really interesting bouquet above the dining room, subsequently sending clouds of two species of house fly through the kitchen ceiling for 8 days where they commonly leave the game by burning to death in the halogen lamp—the smell of burning skin and hair permeating the living room.

All your base are belong to us could have been worse. It could
have been:

Western calendar 2101 fight started.

Captain: Just that how it did, word you bore!

Engineer: No person it seems that it could set up the explosive according to.

Communication operator: Captain! Communication entered!

Captain: No!

Communication operator: Vision comes to the main screen.

Captain: As for you!

CATS: Don’t you think? Busily so is, the ladies and gentlemen.

CATS: With the cooperation of the Federal Government troop, everything received your base.

CATS: Also your warship, gradually probably is end.

Captain: Foolish…!

CATS: You appreciate in your cooperation.

CATS: Before making the life which at the very most remains and is little, important…

CATS: Ha-ha-ha-ha…

Communication operator: Captain…

Captain: In ZIG all machine takeoff instruction!

Captain: Already, only you entrust to them.

Captain: Our future desires…

Captain: It is the ZIG!

If we only can find the courage to deal with these 10 issues, America will become a paradise.

#1 The media. They’re out of control. Advertising pays for them to print and air so they are never completely honest or fair. They’re paid not to be. They shouldn’t just be allowed to say anything they want because, as we’re learning the hard way, they often fabricate the news. There needs to be more government oversight of media and what people are allowed to say to the public in general.

#2 Hand guns. These weapons are too dangerous and too easy to get. It needs to be illegal to own guns.

#3 There is a chance that terror will return to the American shores, and soon. We need a law to ensure that troops can mobilize anywhere in the US and count on having housing and board available.

#4 It’s too difficult for local and national police to fight terrorism and crime when they can’t even investigate it. We need to have sweeping changes to make it legal for the police to investigate crime. Why do the criminals have more legal protection than the victims?

#5 In addition to it being too difficult to investigate, it’s too difficult to interrogate. Think of all the lives that could have been saved if only the courts and police were allowed to compel testimony. We must make getting the truth easier if we ever expect to have truth.

#6 Trials. Trials are bungled or plea-bargained down to nothing because they are required to run too quickly. There’s too much pressure and too much expense. If a defendant cannot afford an attorney, why should the taxpayers pick up the tab? Self-representation is a great American tradition and it should become law. Doing something in a hurry means doing it half-assed. If it takes something a little longer to come to trial so much the better.

#7 Juries. Juries are often not educated well enough to understand the decisions they make. They’re not professional court employees and we can’t expect them to rise to that level. Jury trials have glutted the court system and are slowing America from ever having a real sense of justice. Judges are experts and already make decisions on their own or with their peers. Jury trials are unnecessary and unreliable—they should be abolished.

#8 Crime is worse than ever in America. Yet it’s very low, almost unheard of, in many Islamic countries. The only real difference is the penalties for crime. If we want crime to end, we have to be realistic about what it will take. A drug dealer kills his customers—murder—and destroys the fabric of society. There is already a death penalty for senior drug traffickers. There should be a death penalty for street level drug dealers. High fines and corporal punishment for misdemeanors and lesser felonies would also help return America to the garden.

#9 We need to spell out the rights of everyone to protect us all. Only when we have a formal, legal list of exactly what is and what isn’t a person’s rights will we be safe.

#10 Finally, the states have too much power. Look at this gay wedding mess. It shouldn’t be legal to go to whores in one state, get high in another, and get married to your same-sex cousin in a third. We need to create a normalized code of law for the whole country and stop letting maverick states create their own little chaotic fifedoms.

Hope for the persistence of America

I hope. I hope you didn’t. I hope you’re not that stupid. I hope their rhetoric is as transparent to you. I hope you see that even dropping one of them means losing the other nine becomes that much easier. I hope you see that it’s a tapestry that’s beautiful but aged and wearing thin in spots. Don’t go pulling threads in it—you will find much more unravels than you expect and that weaving it back together isn’t possible.

Barnaby says a lot of mean things. Sometimes he says them to me!

One of the things he says a lot is: if it was up your ass you’d know. He says this whenever you say something like, “I don’t know where I left that CD.” Even if you’re looking for the CD to give it to him! He’s mean.

The first time he said it to me I didn’t even get it. What? Why would I know then? I finally got it. He was insinuating that if the lost object were up my ass it would be easier to locate since my head was presumably up there already.

I didn’t like it once I got it. I didn’t even think it was that funny. I hope you can forgive me, Barnaby.

Please don’t kill me, sir.

Boise, ID. A 20 year-old male skater type. No idea why he thought I might. I didn’t.

What’s your fucking problem?

’Burque, NM. I had some copier toner in my eye. The homophobic moron thought I was winking at him.

Oh, we got a real badass here.

UNM. He and his football player buddy were verbally harassing CM and me, and wanted it to go further. I took off my earrings and watch. CM sat grinning. They backed down.

Oh, my God. You’re beautiful.

Downtown Seattle. Her friend physically stopped her from following me down the street.

Fuck Reagan.

Venice, Italy. Don’t know what reaction he expected—he was probably pleasantly surprised.

Hey, Barnaby.

UNM. My name isn’t Barnaby. We don’t even look alike. Except maybe that we’re both white, you hypocritical prick.

Can I see some ID?

Cops. All over the US, Lord love ’em. If this is the treatment an edge of the curve hair cut gets you, I can’t imagine what it’s like having an edge of the curve skin tone.

I have said to strangers, with prompting

Seems like an awful long walk for such a short fight.

’Burque, NM. To CM’s little brother who inquired if I’d care to step outside.

You’ve got a pretty big fucking mouth for someone your size.

Downtown Seattle. Turned out he had a HWP automatic though. The only loss on the balance sheet today.

It would probably fit too.

Arroyo Hondo, NM. The operant had just offered to “stick his dick” in Cort’s ear as a way to settle a debate.

Can I help you, officer?

’Burque. To the cops who coasted their cruiser behind me one night for a block, perhaps thinking to get me to run and put the beat down on me. When I stopped and walked to the car to ask the question, they gunned it out of there.

Are you sure you want to do this?

UNM. To 5 drunk frat guys who politely invited me to tussle. The only semi-sober one mangaged to head them off and corral them back at the House.

I fucked your mother.

All over the place. I have no idea why men get so upset at me that their mothers have such difficulty remaining upright.

But truthfully it’s because I just can’t stand screwing around. Do you want to fight, or what? I’ve got things to do.

Three teen girls—I’m guessing 16—just jogged down the road took off their clothes and got in Thornton creek at the fish weirs. In approximately that order. Two Caucasians, mostly blond, and an Asian girl. All long hair.

It was quite half-baked as far as skinny dipping goes. But still, as that rocky beach in LA can attest, it’s difficult to just throw down the robes and go for it.

You might like photos but that’s not appropriate; even taking them would be illegal and probably with good reason.

So why write about it? Just so the girls have a chance of finding out someone witnessed their little expedition. That’s why.

Nathan Hale Cross Country team unless I miss my guess.

Later today the Supreme Court of the United States of America will hear the Supreme Court of Nevada case #38876; Larry D. Hiibel v. Sixth Judicial District Court of Nevada.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal maybe. It renders to this.

Show me your identification.

The Supreme Court decides today if that phrase has legal power against the law abiding citizens of the USA. In most of the rest of the world, it does. They’re not free. We’re not either but we’ve been so and we’re still mostly free. For example, we’ve been free in the past to not respond to a demand of “Show me your papers.” All the German accents it connotes.

Today we find out if the USA is still special in this regard or if we all might as well be living in Sweden or Costa Rica because there’s not much fucking difference beyond the weather anymore.

A ruling in Hiibel’s case is expected by July.

And the loser is…

06/21/04 Today Anthony Kennedy, William Rehnquist, Sandra Day O’Connor, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas decided US citizens do not enjoy a constitutional right to refuse to reveal their identity when requested by police.

Combined with the 1968 “Terry stop” ruling which decided that cops don’t need probable cause to detain you, cops now have the right to know who you are on the spot without any real reason whatsoever. This likely means—since IDs are easily forged or forgotten—cops will eventually be able to take DNA samples and fingerprints without a warrant too.

I’m very tired with my country today.

Visitors to Sedition·com between September 2002 and March 2004 came from the following 155 countries.

Countries (alphabetically)

1. Albania
2. Algeria
3. Andorra
4. Angola
5. Antigua and Barbuda
6. Argentina
7. Armenia
8. Australia
9. Austria
10. Azerbaijan
11. Bahamas
12. Bahrain
13. Bangladesh
14. Barbados
15. Belarus
16. Belgium
17. Benin
18. Bermuda
19. Bhutan
20. Bolivia
21. Bosnia and Herzegovina
22. Brazil
23. Brunei Darussalam
24. Bulgaria
25. Burkina Faso
26. Côte d’Ivoire
27. Cambodia
28. Cameroon
29. Canada
30. Chad
31. Chile
32. China
33. Colombia
34. Costa Rica
35. Croatia
36. Cuba
37. Cyprus
38. Czech Republic
39. Denmark
40. Dominican Republic
41. Ecuador
42. Egypt
43. El Salvador
44. Eritrea
45. Estonia
46. Ethiopia
47. Fiji
48. Finland
49. France
50. French Polynesia
51. Gambia
52. Georgia
53. Germany
54. Ghana
55. Gibraltar
56. Greece
57. Greenland
58. Guadeloupe
59. Guam
60. Guatemala
61. Holy See
62. Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China
63. Hungary
64. Iceland
65. India
66. Indonesia
67. Iran (Islamic Republic of)
68. Ireland
69. Israel
70. Italy
71. Jamaica
72. Japan
73. Jordan
74. Kazakhstan
75. Kenya
76. Kiribati
77. Kuwait
78. Kyrgyzstan
79. Lao People’s Democratic Republic
80. Latvia
81. Lebanon
82. Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
83. Liechtenstein
84. Lithuania
85. Luxembourg
86. Macau
87. Madagascar
88. Malaysia
89. Maldives
90. Malta
91. Mauritius
92. Mexico
93. Monaco
94. Mongolia
95. Morocco
96. Myanmar
97. Namibia
98. Nepal
99. Netherlands
100. New Zealand
101. Nicaragua
102. Nigeria
103. Northern Mariana Islands
104. Norway
105. Oman
106. Pakistan
107. Palau
108. Panama
109. Papua New Guinea
110. Paraguay
111. Peru
112. Philippines
113. Poland
114. Portugal
115. Puerto Rico
116. Qatar
117. Republic of Korea
118. Republic of Moldova
119. Romania
120. Russian Federation
121. Rwanda
122. Saudi Arabia
123. Senegal
124. Singapore
125. Slovakia
126. Slovenia
127. Solomon Islands
128. South Africa
129. Spain
130. Sri Lanka
131. Sudan
132. Suriname
133. Sweden
134. Switzerland
135. Syrian Arab Republic
136. Taiwan Province of China
137. Thailand
138. Togo
139. Trinidad and Tobago
140. Tunisia
141. Turkey
142. Uganda
143. Ukraine
144. United Arab Emirates
145. United Kingdom
146. United Republic of Tanzania
147. United States
148. Uruguay
149. Uzbekistan
150. Venezuela
151. Viet Nam
152. Yugoslavia
153. Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, the former
154. Zambia
155. Zimbabwe

Countries (in rank of total visitors)

1. United States
2. Japan
3. Canada
4. United Kingdom
5. Germany
6. Australia
7. France
8. China
9. India
10. Spain
11. Italy
12. Philippines
13. Netherlands
14. Republic of Korea
15. Brazil
16. Belgium
17. Switzerland
18. Saudi Arabia
19. Austria
20. Mexico
21. Sweden
22. Singapore
23. Finland
24. New Zealand
25. Malaysia
26. Turkey
27. Poland
28. Israel
29. Portugal
30. Denmark
31. Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China
32. United Arab Emirates
33. Iran (Islamic Republic of)
34. Slovenia
35. Ireland
36. Egypt
37. South Africa
38. Norway
39. Taiwan Province of China
40. Argentina
41. Greece
42. Czech Republic
43. Romania
44. Thailand
45. Kuwait
46. Russian Federation
47. Chile
48. Pakistan
49. Indonesia
50. Hungary
51. Venezuela
52. Croatia
53. Peru
54. Estonia
55. Lithuania
56. Bulgaria
57. Lebanon
58. Yugoslavia
59. Algeria
60. Viet Nam
61. Slovakia
62. Jordan
63. Iceland
64. Colombia
65. Malta
66. Cyprus
67. Oman
68. Ukraine
69. Bahrain
70. Kenya
71. Latvia
72. Sri Lanka
73. Trinidad and Tobago
74. Puerto Rico
75. Qatar
76. Bosnia and Herzegovina
77. Costa Rica
78. Nigeria
79. Dominican Republic
80. Luxembourg
81. Bangladesh
82. Guam
83. Guatemala
84. Bahamas
85. Syrian Arab Republic
86. Tunisia
87. Morocco
88. Nepal
89. Mauritius
90. Barbados
91. The former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia
92. Uruguay
93. Bolivia
94. Bermuda
95. United Republic of Tanzania
96. El Salvador
97. Belarus
98. Republic of Moldova
99. Zimbabwe
100. Georgia
101. Namibia
102. Macau
103. Liechtenstein
104. Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
105. Albania
106. Ethiopia
107. Ecuador
108. Eritrea
109. Ghana
110. Papua New Guinea
111. Maldives
112. Jamaica
113. Azerbaijan
114. Panama
115. Armenia
116. French Polynesia
117. Brunei Darussalam
118. Paraguay
119. Gibraltar
120. Fiji
121. Myanmar
122. Andorra
123. Senegal
124. Northern Mariana Islands
125. Cameroon
126. Monaco
127. Mongolia
128. Lao People’s Democratic Republic
129. Cuba
130. Sudan
131. Antigua and Barbuda
132. Madagascar
133. Cambodia
134. Côte d’Ivoire
135. Angola
136. Togo
137. Kazakhstan
138. Bhutan
139. Greenland
140. Solomon Islands
141. Holy See
142. Burkina Faso
143. Uzbekistan
144. Kiribati
145. Rwanda
146. Benin
147. Zambia
148. Suriname
149. Guadeloupe
150. Nicaragua
151. Kyrgyzstan
152. Palau
153. Chad
154. Uganda
155. Gambia

Thou shalt not bend thy knee.

Thou shalt not inherit dirt.

Thou shalt remember all bleed red.

Thou shalt speak aloud all words thy knoweth.

Thou shalt leave the children out of it.

Thou shalt have no God in common with another.

Thou shalt not commit multiple homicide.

Thou shalt not twist thy tongue.

Thou shalt not look away.

Thou shalt not duck.

I promised a report based on the pages views of this: I am selling a nuclear bomb… I’m not in the mood to write it but a promise is a promise. I wish my dead aunt Dotty had felt that way while living. All I wanted to do was go riding. She promised.

Countries trying to destroy America

These are the 39 countries who want to either obtain nuclear weapons or just kill Americans (47 visits were not traceable to a country).

Egypt, Australia, Sweden, Russian Federation, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Pakistan, Bulgaria, Norway, Canada, China, South Africa, Singapore, Finland, Ireland, Portugal, Greece, Latvia, Turkey, Italy, Philippines, Germany, Republic of Korea, Iceland, Belgium, New Zealand, Mexico, Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China, Maldives, Yugoslavia, Netherlands, Brazil, Japan, France, Croatia, Poland, Malaysia, Israel, India, and Denmark.

You think you know who your friends are.

Nuclear weapon FAQs

The most asked questions were as expected (454 visitors had no discernible or English query). A total of 162 distinct questions brought visitors in 1,103 times between the time the page went up and now.

how to make a nuclear bomb, and variants (503 times).

nuclear bombs for sale, and materials variants (35 times).

fucking americans (2 times).

how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush (2 times).

yankee pig dogs (2 times). I like being called yankee pig dog. It has the same level of acerbic mordancy that I’m sure billionaires feel when being called capitalist swine by kids doused in patchouli.

i’m going to bomb america. Listen, boys… I know the FBI is looking out for #1 but you’re not going to catch anyone this way. McVeigh didn’t have a website.

The punchline is too obvious and too tiring to cover up. The number one position for trying to find out how to build, buy, or borrow nuclear weapons is the 40^th country on the list. The United States.

Raw data

Now, the who, the how many, and the selected highlights.

We seem to know a bit about them already. Surprising number of references to actual models.

• ajax bomb
• b61 nuclear bomb
• b61-7 nuclear weapon
• buy nuclear bomb -book
• do you sell h bombs
• how to get a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• kill americans bomb
• kill all americans (whoops! how did that slip in?)
• nuclear bombs in america and why they are good (optimism over spring, I imagine).
• triton icbm
• uranium hexafluoride dirty bomb

Our best friends. Yay for friendship!

• dirty bombs
• how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush
• i want to buy a ss-n-20
• i want to buy nuclear weapons
• i want to buy plutonium
• i want to buy weapons grade plutonium
• i’m going to bomb america
• nuclear bombs and where to buy them
• where can i buy a nuclear bomb?

Close reliable neighbors are so important.

So like us.

• b61-7 nuclear weapon
• buy a nuclear bomb
• how do i make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush
• how to make nuclear bomb
• i want to buy weapons grade plutonium
• i want to buy weapons grade uranium
• nuclear bombs for sale

Well, if I were Finnish I’d be thinking about getting some protection too.

• fucking americans

Hookers and heroin aren’t distraction enough?

We’ll be outsourcing our own production soon so you’ll get all the schematics you need.

E tu?

Still mad we call them French fries, eh?

Hey, we prop up your economy with fantasy epics!

Well, that’s a fine konichiwa.

• fucking americans

Still and forever rotten.

They don’t ask much because…

1. Don’t need to—have plenty already.
2. Risk being shot in the back of the head for visiting my site.

• kill all americans

One is tempted to ask: And how about the Rwandans?

Well, I’m sure it’s difficult to spell in Hebrew too. Or Bedawi, Fellahi, and such.

• nuclear detonator (the only difficult part of an a-bomb)
• israel nuklier strategic
• israel nyucler
• newclear bombs
• newclear weapon

You had your turn turns. Let someone else play.

Also ran

The runners up in this beauty pageant.

Surprisingly poor showing.

Oi san—what a brother does to a brother.

What?

What? What?!

That’s not very neutral of you.

Surprising lack of Internet cafés in Egypt.

Not gonna do it.

Conclusion

You can’t call me a liar, anyway.

07/28/2004 The second report is here.

There were two Germans in the St Georg hotel bar in Bavaria, Regensburg, yelling at each other about Hitler. That much translated. I think it’s safe to say it was a pro and con discussion since no one would raise his voice trying to decide if Hitler was more or less evil than Stalin.

Never before in my life did I care that German is the only Western European language with which I can’t rub two sticks together. Would’ve traded all the crêpes à l’orange in Paris to have been able to understand everthing said.

Writing a report to follow “I am selling a nuclear bomb in good working order” I found many interesting queries. At least one intrepid Frenchman wanted to find “kill all americans.” That’s really rude. Let’s put the report off and go for a tangent.

Before we begin—in all fairness, 3 searches for “kill americans” came from US IPs. Still, that’s not as much fun to write about and I’m in favor of that hardcore an interpretation of the 1^st Amendment anyway.

You can’t kill all Americans. As we’ve gone over several times now, you can’t even kill more Americans than Americans kill with slippery bath tubs. The country is too wide, too rich, too hard to do anything but the most piddling of rock throwing toward. Even the USSR at their fighting prime only could have got a small to middling percent.

Killing all French on the other hand is entirely possible and since the USA is so rich, it’s affordable. Though morally reprehensible, you brought it up. Let’s explore for a little perspective.

As we know from the CIA World Fact Book (it’s amazing how accurate their reports are when the Executive branch isn’t interceding):

France is 220,000 square miles. This makes it approximately four-fifths the size of Texas. Population roughly 60 million. 99% literacy in ethnic French population.

Texas is only the second biggest US state—France is less than 40% the size of Alaska. There are 48 more including one you may remember, Louisiana. Enough passive digression. To it.

We’ve got about 16 Ohio class nuclear subs that could be treading water off Calais or Marseilles now for all I know. That’s 2,750 or so nuclear warheads on Tridents. Capable of hitting any given square inch of France within 20 minutes.

With 1 warhead for every 80 square miles of France we can also call it capable of hitting every square inch of France before the tea is cold. Probably enough juice left over for Quebec.

And don’t even think about throwing Vietnam out ever again. We don’t all have the memories of gnats and Frenchmen. You started Vietnam.

It’s stupid but we have to get it out of the way.

To the parent who is not planning to get your kid a chocolate cake for the birthday party but a carrot cake instead. What are you? Retarded? Why don’t you want your kid to be happy? Do you know how embarrassing that is? Why don’t you just quit fucking around and serve a 3-bean salad instead? What did your parents do to you that you’d do this to a child? Do you remember what it was like to be young?

Carrot cakes? How does the Left ever expect to be taken seriously?