Bus poetry. Always alliterated anti-climatically. Blow me.

But really. No change, had to walk to get change. Sidewalk past offramp funnels one into a dark, urine soaked corridor not wide enough to entertain an umbrella. 100 feet of street lamp free no loitering signage between the Alaskan Way and the cyclone fence protecting the shipyard’s 0.5% inspected containers from political ad hominems punctuated radiologically.

But really! A blow job in that space?! Stinking so badly of the rain catalyzed piss of 150 different men that my R-complex sent my hand rooting for a firearm no longer inhabiting that pocket; missing for the permit is 13 months expired. Rolled up umbrella almost an arnis stick. Hold your breath and swim for it.

Walking past them, barely enough room to avoid brushing. Him looking up past me with a remarkably disinterested face. Somehow able to avoid eye contact even when my eyes break his line of vision. And him, on knees, bent further still b/c the customer wasn’t a tall man. Spaced face waiting for an order to be filled, or for the pleasure to drown the stench of competing pheromones.

Barely enough room to avoid brushing. What has happened to etiquette in this country?

Sex, especially public sex, really should have rules. The wife and I established the following and I beg you to consider them as well.

• Not with the good silver.
• Never in a graveyard; excepting Halloween.
• In hotel and restaurant kitchens, use hairnets.
• No sex in the same room as the Pope, even if he’s asleep.
• Check the elevator timing before going for it.
• Do a spot test with all new substances on a small patch of skin before the full application.
• Know your state laws and their loopholes: e.g., most live animals are illegal.
• 3 or 4 hours indoors is fantastic, 3 or 4 hours in the noon sun is a trip to the ER.
• Keep the help out of it (unless they’re on the way out).
• 115° is exciting, 150° is dangerous.
• Don’t tell the cops you’d really prefer to finish up before talking with them further.
• Organic fruit is healthier.
• Someone has to watch the road; flip a coin if you have to.
• If it can get lost, it will get lost. Tie a string or a 20lb test to it.

Now please try to enjoy yourself with a similar level of decorum.

great dream campus. the one with the sunken steps that’s off sort of by itself with the trees on the opposite end from the dorms. the building itself is one long, large hallway (taller than wide) with large rooms full of expensive furniture off it all the way from end to end.

there are also doctors’ offices on this campus (a medical annex) that remind me of the police building from UNM (while i was there, not the new one).

the house was also like the dream harvard house with the large basement where i’d lived on both levels at one point or another.

in the house (seeming smaller than usual and quite dark—it was dark) i was sitting with someone having a conversation or some food. there was a woman in the other room (i couldn’t see her, only heard her) playing meaty kashian music on an acoustic stringed instrument. the sensation of hearing it was like hearing in hallucination. it was loud and the tone of the instrument was thinner than an acoustic guitar would be and it should have been quieter too but it was extremely loud in my ears. from the inside of my ears.

the person i was with told me to go talk to her. i went and sat on a couch opposite her with a coffee table between us. the instrument was pretty. it looked like a cross between a mongolion instrument and a banjo but it was made of dark wood. the neck was not wide. she was amazing on it and played for only 3-4 seconds after i sat down. i remember thinking that it was polite she stopped right away to talk with me. and that i wouldn’t have stopped if i were playing that same music.

she had bangs cut in her jet black hair. she looked like a cross between helena bonham carter and that thin pretty brunette that’s always in mammet movies. her eyes were lined but i didn’t notice any other makeup. she was pale in the dark. her voice was pleasant and entirely american.

she was trying to console me for someone’s death, i think. i wasn’t sure. i just knew that someone was going to try to facilitate some tears and i didn’t feel like crying. i expected maudlin or heavy handed tales but she started to tell me about an after hours raid on a dairy queen, presumably led by the person who had died.

her story telling was in prose poetry. easy to listen to but you had to concentrate to get a story out of it. they broke into the dairy queen and someone wanted a chocolate drink and this was very funny for some reason b/c they only had chocolate syrup and it was cold anyway. the tone of a dairy queen raid in place of a “we-will-all-miss-him” was not silly at all in the dream. it was serious and beautiful and i found i couldn’t concentrate on her words b/c i was concentrating on not letting her open my emotions like so many poorly sealed tupperware containers.

Image/post removed at the very polite request of Ms Graves.

Arafat is dead. Don’t think about it. Don’t talk about it. Don’t bother about it.

You have a few minutes that you wanted to do so? Talk about this man instead: Anwar Sadat [more].

Where Arafat was a murderer, Sadat was a soldier. Where Arafat was a terrorist, Sadat was military commander. Where Arafat was a duplicitous toady, Sadat was an imprisoned freedom fighter. Where Arafat was a thief, Sadat was a reformer. Where Arafat was revered by every human swine who ever blew up a Jewish school bus, Sadat was assassinated by the very same because he deserved his Peace Prize.

You have a few minutes that you want to spend discussing what would make the world better? What could possibly solve the problems between Arabs and Jews?

Spend your time reflecting on a Muslim leader who did just that. Don’t waste your breath on a corpse that’s finally out of the way.

EXT, AFTERNOON DAYLIGHT, PARK, MEDIUM SHOT. A husband, JIM, 40, handsome, athletic, clean shaven, sits on a picnic blanket with his wife, DORRIS. She is blond, 40 but looks 50, or maybe 55, probably was really good looking once.

JIM is wearing a pale blue Oxford, open to his chest. DORRIS has on a tennis bracelet with about 50 carats of pure DeBeers. The picnic spread is crystal and silver.

DORRIS

(Handing Jim a glass of zinfandel.)

I noticed Jim wasn’t looking at me the same way anymore.

JIM

I know relationships have their ups and downs. But, I mean, I love being married to my wife…

LONGSHOT. Visible now is a Rolls Royce limosine, a mini-buffet, and a beautiful 19 year-old Latina, CARMELA, in a maid’s uniform tending a silver chafing dish.

JIM

It was time to face facts. I hadn’t had a natural erection in the nude company of my wife for 10 years and the amyl nitrate was starting to do me harm.

DORRIS

(Setting her wine glass down.)

Without putting too fine a point on it, I reminded Jim that his prenuptual agreement would come into play if he didn’t start holding up his end of the marriage.

CLOSE UP of CARMELA, blushing and looking away.

JIM

So, I asked my doctor about Viagra.

ZOOM OUT, EXTREME LONG SHOT of the picnic party. They are on the most beautiful hilltop imaginable. Birds chirp in the background, the sun is starting to set and the deepening cerulean sky is shot with rays of pink and green. The world is supremely beautiful.

NARRATOR (VOICE OVER)

You don’t have to find her attractive. You don’t have to be in love. You don’t even need the desire to lay her. You just need one little blue pill. Ask your doctor about it today.

FADE OUT from TITLE CARDS and DISCLAIMER.

I don’t care if I forgot your birthday again, I’m still your friend.

#10, You don’t know what’s important—you better figure it out.

The things you think you want, you might not. The things you think are important to you, they probably aren’t. The trick in life is twigging to it early enough to have the time for the knowledge to be useful.

Go see “Fight Club.” On a long enough time line, the survival rate for everyone drops to zero. You’re going to be dead any day; maybe today. Find out what’s important, to you, and don’t let it go.

#9, Love and sex overlap but they are not the same thing.

No moral judgement or high horsery. Just learn it. You will thank me someday.

#8, Don’t be sloppy with your guns.

We all have to destroy now and then in life. Whether it’s firing someone, breaking up, putting a suffering pet to sleep, ratting out a friend to save him from ODing, whatever. Pain is a given. Less pain is what you are shooting for. Shoot straight.

#8.1, Just break up.

When it’s time, just break up. Don’t call again. Don’t write more. Don’t think about the things you could have said. Just break the fuck up.

It doesn’t matter who did what to whom or why or when or even how many times while whoever was watching. It means fuck all in the end.

The things that normally sane and thoughtful people will do to each other while on The Outs are horrifying, humiliating, and can be life changing in long-term, crippling ways.

#7, Common sense is more important than formal education.

#7.1, Don’t believe anything that can’t be shown.

Contrary to what PT Barnum prompted David Hannum to say, there is not a sucker born every minute. There are 210 suckers born every minute. If it sounds too good to be true, it’s not true. Eg, the cutting of a single Lamb’s throat to save every child molester since Eve went down on Cain is neither a reasonable nor a demonstrable proposition. And therefore:

#7.2, Organized religion is wrong and it’s okay to say so.

There is not one impartially documented miracle in history. No one is born knowing God. You get a certain flavor forced down your throat like a communion rape. There are 100 religions out there and most of them say that the devotées of all the others are going to Hell. Do you believe in God? The odds that you’ve picked the wrong one are 99:1. Because you’ve never been out of Shitburg, GA you don’t know that there are other religions and that Christians are, at most, 30% of the world. Or that half the Christians think the other half are going to Hell too. I’m an atheist and I think Catholics go to Hell.

There is a powerful and important place in the minds of men that religion inhabits but the Host that grows there by dogmatic decree is cancerous; eroding the ability to be responsible for yourself; eroding thought; eroding ethics; eroding common sense.

#6, Be nice.

Do it for yourself—not them. Back-stabbing wins battles but it loses allies and therefore wars. Aggressiveness opens doors but it closes and draws the bolt on two for every one it opens.

Nice guys don’t always finish first but they don’t usually have to move or change a flat without help either. You will attract people in your life who are like you. There’s no way around it. Being an asshole may well generate friends, but they’ll be unreliable assholes too.

#5, Pain is not an illusion.

Saying that pain is an illusion is on the face a way to embolden and calm oneself against awful experiences, but it’s dangerously dismissive of something that exists to improve and protect us: pain.

#5.1, Pain without dignity is not heroic.

Being a victim does not make you a hero and it doesn’t mean you deserve a book deal with HarperCollins. It’s too bad that happened to you but quit acting like you deserve a door prize for it.

#4, War is Hell but Politics is the Devil Hisself.

Before you don a beret and grow a goatée, learn some history. From the opening skirmish of the Peloponnesian War to those killed in Persia yesterday, war has been fairly constant and has ended at least 50,000,000 lives. Politics, however, has been completely constant and in just the last 100 years governments have been directly responsible for the deaths of 170,000,000 of their own citizens.

#3, Mind your own business.

Don’t play match-maker, don’t play couples-counselor, don’t bank roll friends, don’t make job referrals, don’t talk about personal issues with strangers. You might think this sounds unfriendly, but the opposite is true. Keeping your nose out of others’ asses is the Mile 1 marker to Real Friendship.

#3.1, Bust in when it matters.

Rarely, really rarely, you should get involved and be in the middle. If you find you’ve done this more than 2 or 3 times in your whole life, back up to “Mind your own business” until you get the hang of that.

#2, Own up to it.

Taking responsibility is the only thing that will make you strong. It’s the only thing you can count on not to let you down for good. It’s the only thing standing in your way.

#2.1, Being selfish isn’t just okay, it’s right.

Selfish doesn’t mean you want a new car to impress the chicks. Get it? If you want the new car to impress them, the reason you want it isn’t selfish. It’s the opposite. You want it for someone else.

The things we really want for ourselves tend to be much healthier. And if you aren’t taking care of yourself, you’re useless to everyone else anyway.

#2.2, You’re going to be wrong.

Don’t make asinine stands just because your feelings got hurt. Pretending you weren’t wrong will not make you right. It just makes you a joke.

You want to be right so bad? Try this: I was wrong.

#1, Ignorance is weakness and suffering.

Learn the fables. The grasshopper was an ignorant fuck who had a great time till lay-offs came around. Fortune comes into it and some are paid more or less than they earn but most get pretty much exactly what they deserve out of life. What did you do today to make your life better? Unless you’re on the way to bed, you still have a piece to try for. It’s in your power to improve your mind right now. Everything you do to make yourself better makes the world better for it.

Google says: Your search — “clitoris color by race” — did not match any documents.

So I took some time off to write death threats to myself for a few weeks but it was starting to scare me. I don’t think I should go to the police because I get the distinct feeling they wouldn’t help and it would only exacerbate the situation. I don’t think I want to to make this guy mad.

I didn’t finish that novel and this is the last time you’re gonna bring it up if you like affordable health care. And I swear to God if that rotten bastard William Gibson ever pulls that I’m too good for blogging shit again, I’ll spend every waking hour spreading a rumor that “Neal Stephenson” is his pen name. Teach that motherfucker to embarrass me in front of my woman.

You may remember this, What I did on my summer vacation, and I am selling a nuclear bomb in good working order. They’re funnier. Go read them instead. This is just here because I said it would be.

Countries trying to destroy America lately

These are the 49 countries who are more or less tired of the US. Up from 39 last quarter. An increase of over 20%. Go USA, #1!

Raw data

United States, 422.

• (how to make+heavy water+nuclear bomb)
• after the first nuclear bomb
• b-61 nuc weapon
• building a nucular bomb
• buy a nuclear bomb
• buy nuclear bombs
• cobalt nuclear bomb
• cost to make a nuclear bomb
• dirty bomb nuclear
• gatorade bomb
• good results of the a bomb
• h bomb
• heavy water +how to make
• how do i make a nuclear bomb
• how do make a nuclear bomb
• how to get a nuclear bomb
• how to make a bomb out of materials i have at home
• how to make a good bomb
• how to make a nuclear
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb?
• how to make a nuclear weapon
• how to make a nucular bomb
• how to make good bomb
• how to make nuclear bomb
• how to make plutonium 239
• how to obtain a nuclear bomb
• http://sedition.com/daily/20031216.html
• kill the fucking americans
• make a nuclear bomb
• make a shit bomb
• make up of a nuclear bomb
• making a nuclear bomb
• NA
• neutron bomb detonator
• newclear bomb
• nuclear
• nuclear bomb
• nuclear bomb + phone
• nuclear bomb + sound
• nuclear bomb and make
• nuclear bomb core
• nuclear bomb definition
• nuclear bomb ebay
• nuclear bomb fusion
• nuclear bomb good
• nuclear bomb how-to
• nuclear bomb in bible
• nuclear bomb kill
• nuclear bomb making for dummies
• nuclear bomb prices
• nuclear bomb statistics
• nuclear bomb trailers
• nuclear bomb washington
• nuclear bomb water
• nuclear bomb+good!
• nuclear bombs
• nuclear bombs america
• nuclear fusion for dummies
• nucular fission
• obtain nuclear bombs
• plutonium centrifuge
• prices of nuclear bombs
• statistics of nuclear bomb
• step by step bomb publish
• triton icbm
• uranium hexafluoride for dummies
• vinegar and baking soda bomb
• what to do nuclear bomb
• where can i buy a nuclear bomb
• x-10 nuclear bomb

United Kingdom, 132.

• ’how to make a nuclear bomb'
• 10 steps to making a bomb
• buy a nuclear bomb
• buy nuclear bomb
• hate nuclear bomb
• how can i make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a bomb out of ajax
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb!
• how to make a nuclear bomb?
• how to make a nuclear weapon?
• how to make as nuclear bomb
• how to make dirty bomb
• how to make nuclear bomb
• how+to+make+a+nuclear+bomb
• make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear bomb core
• nuclear bombs for sale
• nuclear detonator
• nuklier bomb
• results of a nuclear bomb
• searchalot
• selling nuclear bombs
• where to buy a nuclear bomb

No country determined, 65.

• +plutonium centrifuge
• how do you make a nuclear bomb?
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• i will kill all americans
• NA
• nuclear bomb terminology
• nuclear bomb us selling
• nuclear bomb+good!
• search luggage
• sound level of a nuclear bomb
• where can buy a nuclear bomb
• working bomb nuclear

Canada, 50.

• :how to make a nuclear bomb
• buy a nuclear bomb
• george bush home address
• good about nuclear bomb
• good of nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make the easiest bomb
• it is a boy nuclear bomb
• m 80 bomb
• make nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear bomb for sale
• the first nuclear bomb

Australia, 42.

• +how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear weapon
• make a nuclear bomb
• make nuclear bomb
• NA
• newclear bomb
• newclear bombs
• nuclear detonator
• ss 18 nuclear weapon

Netherlands, 16.

• buy nuclear bombs
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make my nuclear bomb
• http://sedition.com/daily/20031216.html
• NA
• newclear bombs
• nuclear bomb
• nuclear bomb make
• the working of a nuclear bomb

Bulgaria, 10.

• how to buy a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• make nuclear bomb
• NA
• selling of nuclear weapons

India, 10.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear bombs +methodology

China, 9.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA

Finland, 9.

• buy newclear weapons
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear bomb

Sweden, 8.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make an nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear+bomb+sample
• ss-n-22 +2004
• working bomb nuclear

Norway, 8.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuklier

New Zealand, 8.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb?

Denmark, 7.

• buy + nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• newclear weapon

South Africa, 6.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• make a nuclear bomb
• NA

Ireland, 6.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• neutron bomb + statistics

Portugal, 6.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• peacekeeper icbm webpage

Italy, 5.

• b-61
• make nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear bomb uranium plutonium fission

Germany, 5.

• building a nuclear bomb
• how to make nuclear bomb
• NA
• neutron bomb working

Belgium, 5.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Japan, 5.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA

Czech Republic, 4.

• how to buy a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear bomb plan little boy

Malaysia, 4.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• nuklier

Israel, 4.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• nuclear bomb how it kill?

Greece, 3.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• newclear bomb

Turkey, 3.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• the results of nuclear bomb

Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China, 3.

• msbs m45
• nuclear bomb for sale
• nuclear bomb in america

unknown, 3.

• how make a nuclear bomb
• NA
• newclear bomb

Yugoslavia, 3.

• buy a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA

Brazil, 3.

• NA
• nuclear bomb washington

Republic of Korea, 2.

• NA

Chile, 2.

• NA

France, 2.

• how to make a nuclear bomb
• NA

Poland, 2.

• how to make nuclear bomb
• NA

Hungary, 1.

• NA

Switzerland, 1.

• i will kill all americans

Lithuania, 1.

• i’am selling

Sri Lanka, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Thailand, 1.

• +robert +newclear +bomb

Barbados, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Singapore, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Indonesia, 1.

• how to make nuclear bomb

Austria, 1.

• make a nuclear bomb

Antigua and Barbuda, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Philippines, 1.

• how to make nuclear bomb

Iceland, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Bangladesh, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Venezuela, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Slovenia, 1.

• the biggest bomb ss

Malta, 1.

• nuclear detonator

Spain, 1.

• how to make a nuclear bomb

Raw querries

how to make a nuclear bomb (390 times)

na (271 times)

buy a nuclear bomb (11 times)

how to make nuclear bomb (9 times)

nuclear bomb us selling (8 times)

nuclear bomb (8 times)

make a nuclear bomb (7 times)

newclear bomb (5 times)

how to make a nuclear bomb? (4 times)

make nuclear bomb (4 times)

plutonium centrifuge (4 times)

how to make a nuclear (3 times)

how to make a nuclear weapon (3 times)

nuclear bomb washington (3 times)

nuclear detonator (3 times)

nuklier (3 times)

buy nuclear bombs (2 times)

nuclear bomb ebay (2 times)

newclear weapon (2 times)

i will kill all americans (2 times)

where to buy a nuclear bomb (2 times)

gatorade bomb (2 times)

nuclear bomb terminology (2 times)

nuclear bomb+good! (2 times)

nuclear bomb trailers (2 times)

nuclear bomb statistics (2 times)

cobalt nuclear bomb (2 times)

cost to make a nuclear bomb (2 times)

http://sedition.com/daily/20031216.html (2 times)

+how to make a nuclear bomb (2 times)

newclear bombs (2 times)

nuclear bomb core (2 times)

how to buy a nuclear bomb (2 times)

how do i make a nuclear bomb (2 times)

where can i buy a nuclear bomb (2 times)

nuclear bombs for sale (2 times)

working bomb nuclear (2 times)

making a nuclear bomb (2 times)

nuclear bomb for sale (2 times)

how to make a nucular bomb (2 times)

searchalot (1 time)

dirty bomb nuclear (1 time)

how to make my nuclear bomb (1 time)

how make a nuclear bomb (1 time)

selling of nuclear weapons (1 time)

how to obtain a nuclear bomb (1 time)

neutron bomb + statistics (1 time)

how to make an nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear bombs +methodology (1 time)

nuclear bomb in america (1 time)

how to make a bomb out of materials i have at home (1 time)

nuclear bomb + phone (1 time)

the first nuclear bomb (1 time)

how do you make a nuclear bomb? (1 time)

building a nucular bomb (1 time)

how do make a nuclear bomb (1 time)

kill the fucking americans (1 time)

nuclear bomb good (1 time)

buy nuclear bomb (1 time)

the working of a nuclear bomb (1 time)

how to make a nuclear bomb! (1 time)

triton icbm (1 time)

how to make the easiest bomb (1 time)

m 80 bomb (1 time)

after the first nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear bomb in bible (1 time)

x-10 nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear fusion for dummies (1 time)

vinegar and baking soda bomb (1 time)

nuclear bomb prices (1 time)

how to make a nuclear weapon? (1 time)

h bomb (1 time)

nuclear bomb plan little boy (1 time)

how to make as nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear+bomb+sample (1 time)

uranium hexafluoride for dummies (1 time)

results of a nuclear bomb (1 time)

sound level of a nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear bombs america (1 time)

nuclear bomb + sound (1 time)

i’am selling (1 time)

nuclear bomb definition (1 time)

george bush home address (1 time)

the results of nuclear bomb (1 time)

hate nuclear bomb (1 time)

nucular fission (1 time)

nuclear bombs (1 time)

make up of a nuclear bomb (1 time)

heavy water +how to make (1 time)

b-61 nuc weapon (1 time)

nuklier bomb (1 time)

good about nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear bomb make (1 time)

nuclear bomb fusion (1 time)

building a nuclear bomb (1 time)

buy + nuclear bomb (1 time)

how to make dirty bomb (1 time)

it is a boy nuclear bomb (1 time)

good of nuclear bomb (1 time)

what to do nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear bomb how it kill? (1 time)

nuclear bomb and make (1 time)

:how to make a nuclear bomb (1 time)

step by step bomb publish (1 time)

neutron bomb working (1 time)

how to make good bomb (1 time)

10 steps to making a bomb (1 time)

buy newclear weapons (1 time)

nuclear bomb how-to (1 time)

make a shit bomb (1 time)

+robert +newclear +bomb (1 time)

nuclear bomb water (1 time)

selling nuclear bombs (1 time)

good results of the a bomb (1 time)

+plutonium centrifuge (1 time)

nuclear (1 time)

peacekeeper icbm webpage (1 time)

msbs m45 (1 time)

where can buy a nuclear bomb (1 time)

nuclear bomb kill (1 time)

nuclear bomb making for dummies (1 time)

neutron bomb detonator (1 time)

statistics of nuclear bomb (1 time)

how to make a bomb out of ajax (1 time)

how to make plutonium 239 (1 time)

(how to make+heavy water+nuclear bomb) (1 time)

how can i make a nuclear bomb (1 time)

ss-n-22 +2004 (1 time)

the biggest bomb ss (1 time)

prices of nuclear bombs (1 time)

nuclear bomb uranium plutonium fission (1 time)

’how to make a nuclear bomb' (1 time)

ss 18 nuclear weapon (1 time)

how+to+make+a+nuclear+bomb (1 time)

how to make a good bomb (1 time)

search luggage (1 time)

b-61 (1 time)

how to get a nuclear bomb (1 time)

obtain nuclear bombs (1 time)

In every single US Presidential election of the last 40 years at least 35% of eligible voters did not vote and in 2 elections 50% did not vote. In our generation a President has been chosen by 23% of voting age adults.

Your vote matters. Your vote can change things. It’s not a fantasy, it’s not propaganda, it’s not excuses. It’s just a matter of taking responsibility.

The National Mail Voter Registration Form The National Mail Voter Registration Form is the one document that allows you to register to vote from anywhere in the United States. Download the PDF.

William Gibson has embarrassed me again. Asshole. He gave up writing a web journal because–

…the thing I’ve most enjoyed about it is how it never fails to underline the fact that if I’m doing this I’m definitely not writing a novel — that is, if I’m still blogging, I’m definitely still on vacation.

Asshole. Who does he think he is?! Where’s a fucking interrobang when I need it? How dare he?! Prick! Pseudo-Canadian bastard.

Show me up, will you?

JULIE

Why is the machete in the bedroom?

ASHLEY

It was making me nervous in the kitchen.

A recruiter from LA contacted me out of the blue, as the kids say. It was about a job, or finding someone for the job, at a company I’ve been interested in putting out of business for 4 years. Not because I dislike them but because I want the business.

I can’t move though, much as I’d like to study their business from inside, leave, and do what they do right and avoid what they do wrong. I’m too busy pulling ivy, holly, and Japanese knotweed from the creekside, and watching Veri get smarter.

Anyway, I know a few kids from LA, including Barnaby, who you know already. I’ve met some kids through him including, unfortunately, Billy Bob Thornton, and some others I like much better like Eric, who also knows a little Perl, and Dave.

Dave.

Now, when I was 15 I was into D&D, just then become AD&D. I loved it but I was even more infatuated with scifi on account of The Empire Strikes Back filling all the voids in my young life that my father and my church were unable to address. So between the hours of 7pm and 3am, every night for two years, I wrote a game called Stars End.

Twenty-two races, two gallaxies, governments, imperial cops, custom lasers by caliber/color, rail-shuriken-guns, AIs as NPCs, biological weapons and space flight bred by the oldest civilization known, a dozen character classes, 48-hour-long game parties in teams alternating between the Atari 5200 and playing on the clock to find the biggest zero stone in the known universe for Alexander the former Red Boot. Everyone who played it said it was better than Gamma World; well, that’s not such a compliment but they also thought it was better than Traveller, better than D&D. We had fun with that game.

When Dave was 15 he was off doing super genius stuff that maybe 20 kids in the entire world were doing. University stuff—smarter than the smartest person you ever had a friend lie about knowing stuff. Don’t be misled. He didn’t silently observe many moments where there was a chance to discuss it in a few short terms. So not only did I know he was smarter than I am but I got to get reminded, like I needed it. Like it didn’t itch already. Like it doesn’t still bother me today that I’ve met someone smarter than I am.

I let Eric know about the recruiter in case he wanted the job, though I was pretty sure he wasn’t in LA and I’m still kinda mad he thought I left the band because I was scared of LA and not because I was disgusted with the situation. Anyway, I let Eric know.

Eric wrote a nice reply. He’s in Singapore doing swimmingly. I’m not sure what “swimmingly” means beyond “well” but I’ve enjoyed saying it ever since I was a kid and realized it bugged my dad. Eric didn’t need the job and Singapore was treating him much better than it treated me.

Eric wrote to Barnaby and me. He mentioned Cort might like the job. You see how friendly we all are. I said he was otherwise employed at Microsoft. He remarked how weird it was we all ended up in IT; not one of has a formal background in it. Well, maybe we’re not as smart as Dave but we’re all pretty smart and IT came easily for us all.

Eric talked about what he’s up to and that Dave is there in Singapore too, being successful with him. He also remarked that they were playing D&D again and enjoying the new ruleset.

The year was 1988. Walking with James on patrol one night we talked politics. I remarked that basically every president since Teddy was a disappointment as I saw it and that most of them had seriously harmed the country; financially or morally or both.

He said, “Well who would you put in office?”

I said, “A businessman.”

He said, “Interesting. How about Donald Trump?”

I said, “No way.”

In ’88 the billion dollar hairdo was a household word along with Ivana. It was a couple years before his supernova bankruptcy but I could smell the stink of failure and corruption on him. A true accidental billionaire; not in any Jobsian sense of bringing something to the game beyond a more charismatic than average, “I’d like to show you a bridge.”

“Who then?”

“I don’t know.” Four years later, I found out who.

The last time I voted for a president I voted for Perot. 19% of those who turned out voted for Perot so that’s only a shock to about half of you nit-wits.

A slick talking serial adulterer won the election with 4 out of 10 votes (with 5 out of 10 voting; making it fully 23% of America that put him in the big chair). Do you get that? If you asked 10 people on the street in 1993, Did you vote for Clinton? 8 of them would have said, No.

He wasted a lot of time and money by lying about his pecker at work. He did other things like sign 50 new death penalty crimes into law that were targeted at blacks and Hispanics and sitting by, suppressing the information, while there was French assisted genocide in Rwanda yet somehow he was the “black president.” What a brother does to a brother, right?

Perot massaged a couple thousand dollars into a couple billion as a businessman. In other words, he wasn’t a fuck-up like Trump and George². He could manage money. He is also the only corporate head I’m aware of who sponsored a successful international rescue of hostage employees. Remember the embassy employees who spent 444 days behind blindfolds at the Tehran Comfort Inn? Perot’s players came home without giving guns to terrorists. He was heroic, successful, and dirt free.

But he was short, had a squeaky voice, and wasn’t attractive. So fuck him, right?

I was gonna vote for Dean for president. I didn’t entirely like him. His politics are way too left for me. But he was a good governor on the balance sheet and he doesn’t stink like a professional politician. He was angry; like anyone who isn’t is a moron. He was legit.

Legit doesn’t play anymore. It’s a fucking joke to CNN and most all y’all. So be it.

Kerry is a professional politician. A flipping switch. A public barometer. For war? Okay, go to war and kill people. Gimme that gun, I can do it myself, for 4 months anyway. Against war? Okay, come home and throw someone else’s medals at the White House. Time for war again? Okay, vote war! A few times. Against war again so soon? I hate war. He missed the last half year of work because he was looking for a new job. He is a member of most of the same clubs as the current president you seem to believe is so different.

We talked about it before. Choosing the lesser of two evils is still choosing evil. You can say, “Oh, I’m just being practical.” You’re just practically being a Nazi.

You think most of 1938 Germany wanted to exterminate the Jews and annex Poland? Fuck no. They just wanted jobs and to feel safe. Ring any bells?

You wouldn’t let Dean get there because somehow you thought he couldn’t beat Georgey. I suppose maybe he couldn’t have but he would have got at least one vote Kerry will never see.

I really miss New Mexico because in New Mexico when your mullet-wearing tweaker roofing-contractor fucks you, sending the biggest rains the Pacific Northwest has known in 100 years cascading down the insides of your 80 year-old walls and the replacement roof to fix the situation at some considerable additional expense happens to entomb a couple rats that made in into the attic crawl space under the previous “roof”–those rats putting up quite a ruckus as they starve to death under their new, better built coffin lid on a night when the furnace has been burned out for two weeks so you’ve discovered that leaving the oven door open on 450° makes a fair substitute if your only goal is to prevent hypothermia—in New Mexico the rats would have quickly dessicated into mummies instead of rotting with a really interesting bouquet above the dining room, subsequently sending clouds of two species of house fly through the kitchen ceiling for 8 days where they commonly leave the game by burning to death in the halogen lamp—the smell of burning skin and hair permeating the living room.

All your base are belong to us could have been worse. It could
have been:

Western calendar 2101 fight started.

Captain: Just that how it did, word you bore!

Engineer: No person it seems that it could set up the explosive according to.

Communication operator: Captain! Communication entered!

Captain: No!

Communication operator: Vision comes to the main screen.

Captain: As for you!

CATS: Don’t you think? Busily so is, the ladies and gentlemen.

CATS: With the cooperation of the Federal Government troop, everything received your base.

CATS: Also your warship, gradually probably is end.

Captain: Foolish…!

CATS: You appreciate in your cooperation.

CATS: Before making the life which at the very most remains and is little, important…

CATS: Ha-ha-ha-ha…

Communication operator: Captain…

Captain: In ZIG all machine takeoff instruction!

Captain: Already, only you entrust to them.

Captain: Our future desires…

Captain: It is the ZIG!

If we only can find the courage to deal with these 10 issues, America will become a paradise.

#1 The media. They’re out of control. Advertising pays for them to print and air so they are never completely honest or fair. They’re paid not to be. They shouldn’t just be allowed to say anything they want because, as we’re learning the hard way, they often fabricate the news. There needs to be more government oversight of media and what people are allowed to say to the public in general.

#2 Hand guns. These weapons are too dangerous and too easy to get. It needs to be illegal to own guns.

#3 There is a chance that terror will return to the American shores, and soon. We need a law to ensure that troops can mobilize anywhere in the US and count on having housing and board available.

#4 It’s too difficult for local and national police to fight terrorism and crime when they can’t even investigate it. We need to have sweeping changes to make it legal for the police to investigate crime. Why do the criminals have more legal protection than the victims?

#5 In addition to it being too difficult to investigate, it’s too difficult to interrogate. Think of all the lives that could have been saved if only the courts and police were allowed to compel testimony. We must make getting the truth easier if we ever expect to have truth.

#6 Trials. Trials are bungled or plea-bargained down to nothing because they are required to run too quickly. There’s too much pressure and too much expense. If a defendant cannot afford an attorney, why should the taxpayers pick up the tab? Self-representation is a great American tradition and it should become law. Doing something in a hurry means doing it half-assed. If it takes something a little longer to come to trial so much the better.

#7 Juries. Juries are often not educated well enough to understand the decisions they make. They’re not professional court employees and we can’t expect them to rise to that level. Jury trials have glutted the court system and are slowing America from ever having a real sense of justice. Judges are experts and already make decisions on their own or with their peers. Jury trials are unnecessary and unreliable—they should be abolished.

#8 Crime is worse than ever in America. Yet it’s very low, almost unheard of, in many Islamic countries. The only real difference is the penalties for crime. If we want crime to end, we have to be realistic about what it will take. A drug dealer kills his customers—murder—and destroys the fabric of society. There is already a death penalty for senior drug traffickers. There should be a death penalty for street level drug dealers. High fines and corporal punishment for misdemeanors and lesser felonies would also help return America to the garden.

#9 We need to spell out the rights of everyone to protect us all. Only when we have a formal, legal list of exactly what is and what isn’t a person’s rights will we be safe.

#10 Finally, the states have too much power. Look at this gay wedding mess. It shouldn’t be legal to go to whores in one state, get high in another, and get married to your same-sex cousin in a third. We need to create a normalized code of law for the whole country and stop letting maverick states create their own little chaotic fifedoms.

Hope for the persistence of America

I hope. I hope you didn’t. I hope you’re not that stupid. I hope their rhetoric is as transparent to you. I hope you see that even dropping one of them means losing the other nine becomes that much easier. I hope you see that it’s a tapestry that’s beautiful but aged and wearing thin in spots. Don’t go pulling threads in it—you will find much more unravels than you expect and that weaving it back together isn’t possible.

Barnaby says a lot of mean things. Sometimes he says them to me!

One of the things he says a lot is: if it was up your ass you’d know. He says this whenever you say something like, “I don’t know where I left that CD.” Even if you’re looking for the CD to give it to him! He’s mean.

The first time he said it to me I didn’t even get it. What? Why would I know then? I finally got it. He was insinuating that if the lost object were up my ass it would be easier to locate since my head was presumably up there already.

I didn’t like it once I got it. I didn’t even think it was that funny. I hope you can forgive me, Barnaby.

Please don’t kill me, sir.

Boise, ID. A 20 year-old male skater type. No idea why he thought I might. I didn’t.

What’s your fucking problem?

’Burque, NM. I had some copier toner in my eye. The homophobic moron thought I was winking at him.

Oh, we got a real badass here.

UNM. He and his football player buddy were verbally harassing CM and me, and wanted it to go further. I took off my earrings and watch. CM sat grinning. They backed down.

Oh, my God. You’re beautiful.

Downtown Seattle. Her friend physically stopped her from following me down the street.

Fuck Reagan.

Venice, Italy. Don’t know what reaction he expected—he was probably pleasantly surprised.

Hey, Barnaby.

UNM. My name isn’t Barnaby. We don’t even look alike. Except maybe that we’re both white, you hypocritical prick.

Can I see some ID?

Cops. All over the US, Lord love ’em. If this is the treatment an edge of the curve hair cut gets you, I can’t imagine what it’s like having an edge of the curve skin tone.

I have said to strangers, with prompting

Seems like an awful long walk for such a short fight.

’Burque, NM. To CM’s little brother who inquired if I’d care to step outside.

You’ve got a pretty big fucking mouth for someone your size.

Downtown Seattle. Turned out he had a HWP automatic though. The only loss on the balance sheet today.

It would probably fit too.

Arroyo Hondo, NM. The operant had just offered to “stick his dick” in Cort’s ear as a way to settle a debate.

Can I help you, officer?

’Burque. To the cops who coasted their cruiser behind me one night for a block, perhaps thinking to get me to run and put the beat down on me. When I stopped and walked to the car to ask the question, they gunned it out of there.

Are you sure you want to do this?

UNM. To 5 drunk frat guys who politely invited me to tussle. The only semi-sober one mangaged to head them off and corral them back at the House.

I fucked your mother.

All over the place. I have no idea why men get so upset at me that their mothers have such difficulty remaining upright.

But truthfully it’s because I just can’t stand screwing around. Do you want to fight, or what? I’ve got things to do.

Three teen girls—I’m guessing 16—just jogged down the road took off their clothes and got in Thornton creek at the fish weirs. In approximately that order. Two Caucasians, mostly blond, and an Asian girl. All long hair.

It was quite half-baked as far as skinny dipping goes. But still, as that rocky beach in LA can attest, it’s difficult to just throw down the robes and go for it.

You might like photos but that’s not appropriate; even taking them would be illegal and probably with good reason.

So why write about it? Just so the girls have a chance of finding out someone witnessed their little expedition. That’s why.

Nathan Hale Cross Country team unless I miss my guess.

Later today the Supreme Court of the United States of America will hear the Supreme Court of Nevada case #38876; Larry D. Hiibel v. Sixth Judicial District Court of Nevada.

It doesn’t seem like a big deal maybe. It renders to this.

Show me your identification.

The Supreme Court decides today if that phrase has legal power against the law abiding citizens of the USA. In most of the rest of the world, it does. They’re not free. We’re not either but we’ve been so and we’re still mostly free. For example, we’ve been free in the past to not respond to a demand of “Show me your papers.” All the German accents it connotes.

Today we find out if the USA is still special in this regard or if we all might as well be living in Sweden or Costa Rica because there’s not much fucking difference beyond the weather anymore.

A ruling in Hiibel’s case is expected by July.

And the loser is…

06/21/04 Today Anthony Kennedy, William Rehnquist, Sandra Day O’Connor, Antonin Scalia, and Clarence Thomas decided US citizens do not enjoy a constitutional right to refuse to reveal their identity when requested by police.

Combined with the 1968 “Terry stop” ruling which decided that cops don’t need probable cause to detain you, cops now have the right to know who you are on the spot without any real reason whatsoever. This likely means—since IDs are easily forged or forgotten—cops will eventually be able to take DNA samples and fingerprints without a warrant too.

I’m very tired with my country today.

Visitors to Sedition·com between September 2002 and March 2004 came from the following 155 countries.

Countries (alphabetically)

1. Albania
2. Algeria
3. Andorra
4. Angola
5. Antigua and Barbuda
6. Argentina
7. Armenia
8. Australia
9. Austria
10. Azerbaijan
11. Bahamas
12. Bahrain
13. Bangladesh
14. Barbados
15. Belarus
16. Belgium
17. Benin
18. Bermuda
19. Bhutan
20. Bolivia
21. Bosnia and Herzegovina
22. Brazil
23. Brunei Darussalam
24. Bulgaria
25. Burkina Faso
26. Côte d’Ivoire
27. Cambodia
28. Cameroon
29. Canada
30. Chad
31. Chile
32. China
33. Colombia
34. Costa Rica
35. Croatia
36. Cuba
37. Cyprus
38. Czech Republic
39. Denmark
40. Dominican Republic
41. Ecuador
42. Egypt
43. El Salvador
44. Eritrea
45. Estonia
46. Ethiopia
47. Fiji
48. Finland
49. France
50. French Polynesia
51. Gambia
52. Georgia
53. Germany
54. Ghana
55. Gibraltar
56. Greece
57. Greenland
58. Guadeloupe
59. Guam
60. Guatemala
61. Holy See
62. Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China
63. Hungary
64. Iceland
65. India
66. Indonesia
67. Iran (Islamic Republic of)
68. Ireland
69. Israel
70. Italy
71. Jamaica
72. Japan
73. Jordan
74. Kazakhstan
75. Kenya
76. Kiribati
77. Kuwait
78. Kyrgyzstan
79. Lao People’s Democratic Republic
80. Latvia
81. Lebanon
82. Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
83. Liechtenstein
84. Lithuania
85. Luxembourg
86. Macau
87. Madagascar
88. Malaysia
89. Maldives
90. Malta
91. Mauritius
92. Mexico
93. Monaco
94. Mongolia
95. Morocco
96. Myanmar
97. Namibia
98. Nepal
99. Netherlands
100. New Zealand
101. Nicaragua
102. Nigeria
103. Northern Mariana Islands
104. Norway
105. Oman
106. Pakistan
107. Palau
108. Panama
109. Papua New Guinea
110. Paraguay
111. Peru
112. Philippines
113. Poland
114. Portugal
115. Puerto Rico
116. Qatar
117. Republic of Korea
118. Republic of Moldova
119. Romania
120. Russian Federation
121. Rwanda
122. Saudi Arabia
123. Senegal
124. Singapore
125. Slovakia
126. Slovenia
127. Solomon Islands
128. South Africa
129. Spain
130. Sri Lanka
131. Sudan
132. Suriname
133. Sweden
134. Switzerland
135. Syrian Arab Republic
136. Taiwan Province of China
137. Thailand
138. Togo
139. Trinidad and Tobago
140. Tunisia
141. Turkey
142. Uganda
143. Ukraine
144. United Arab Emirates
145. United Kingdom
146. United Republic of Tanzania
147. United States
148. Uruguay
149. Uzbekistan
150. Venezuela
151. Viet Nam
152. Yugoslavia
153. Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia, the former
154. Zambia
155. Zimbabwe

Countries (in rank of total visitors)

1. United States
2. Japan
3. Canada
4. United Kingdom
5. Germany
6. Australia
7. France
8. China
9. India
10. Spain
11. Italy
12. Philippines
13. Netherlands
14. Republic of Korea
15. Brazil
16. Belgium
17. Switzerland
18. Saudi Arabia
19. Austria
20. Mexico
21. Sweden
22. Singapore
23. Finland
24. New Zealand
25. Malaysia
26. Turkey
27. Poland
28. Israel
29. Portugal
30. Denmark
31. Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China
32. United Arab Emirates
33. Iran (Islamic Republic of)
34. Slovenia
35. Ireland
36. Egypt
37. South Africa
38. Norway
39. Taiwan Province of China
40. Argentina
41. Greece
42. Czech Republic
43. Romania
44. Thailand
45. Kuwait
46. Russian Federation
47. Chile
48. Pakistan
49. Indonesia
50. Hungary
51. Venezuela
52. Croatia
53. Peru
54. Estonia
55. Lithuania
56. Bulgaria
57. Lebanon
58. Yugoslavia
59. Algeria
60. Viet Nam
61. Slovakia
62. Jordan
63. Iceland
64. Colombia
65. Malta
66. Cyprus
67. Oman
68. Ukraine
69. Bahrain
70. Kenya
71. Latvia
72. Sri Lanka
73. Trinidad and Tobago
74. Puerto Rico
75. Qatar
76. Bosnia and Herzegovina
77. Costa Rica
78. Nigeria
79. Dominican Republic
80. Luxembourg
81. Bangladesh
82. Guam
83. Guatemala
84. Bahamas
85. Syrian Arab Republic
86. Tunisia
87. Morocco
88. Nepal
89. Mauritius
90. Barbados
91. The former Yugoslav Republic of Macedonia
92. Uruguay
93. Bolivia
94. Bermuda
95. United Republic of Tanzania
96. El Salvador
97. Belarus
98. Republic of Moldova
99. Zimbabwe
100. Georgia
101. Namibia
102. Macau
103. Liechtenstein
104. Libyan Arab Jamahiriya
105. Albania
106. Ethiopia
107. Ecuador
108. Eritrea
109. Ghana
110. Papua New Guinea
111. Maldives
112. Jamaica
113. Azerbaijan
114. Panama
115. Armenia
116. French Polynesia
117. Brunei Darussalam
118. Paraguay
119. Gibraltar
120. Fiji
121. Myanmar
122. Andorra
123. Senegal
124. Northern Mariana Islands
125. Cameroon
126. Monaco
127. Mongolia
128. Lao People’s Democratic Republic
129. Cuba
130. Sudan
131. Antigua and Barbuda
132. Madagascar
133. Cambodia
134. Côte d’Ivoire
135. Angola
136. Togo
137. Kazakhstan
138. Bhutan
139. Greenland
140. Solomon Islands
141. Holy See
142. Burkina Faso
143. Uzbekistan
144. Kiribati
145. Rwanda
146. Benin
147. Zambia
148. Suriname
149. Guadeloupe
150. Nicaragua
151. Kyrgyzstan
152. Palau
153. Chad
154. Uganda
155. Gambia

Thou shalt not bend thy knee.

Thou shalt not inherit dirt.

Thou shalt remember all bleed red.

Thou shalt speak aloud all words thy knoweth.

Thou shalt leave the children out of it.

Thou shalt have no God in common with another.

Thou shalt not commit multiple homicide.

Thou shalt not twist thy tongue.

Thou shalt not look away.

Thou shalt not duck.

I promised a report based on the pages views of this: I am selling a nuclear bomb… I’m not in the mood to write it but a promise is a promise. I wish my dead aunt Dotty had felt that way while living. All I wanted to do was go riding. She promised.

Countries trying to destroy America

These are the 39 countries who want to either obtain nuclear weapons or just kill Americans (47 visits were not traceable to a country).

Egypt, Australia, Sweden, Russian Federation, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Pakistan, Bulgaria, Norway, Canada, China, South Africa, Singapore, Finland, Ireland, Portugal, Greece, Latvia, Turkey, Italy, Philippines, Germany, Republic of Korea, Iceland, Belgium, New Zealand, Mexico, Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China, Maldives, Yugoslavia, Netherlands, Brazil, Japan, France, Croatia, Poland, Malaysia, Israel, India, and Denmark.

You think you know who your friends are.

Nuclear weapon FAQs

The most asked questions were as expected (454 visitors had no discernible or English query). A total of 162 distinct questions brought visitors in 1,103 times between the time the page went up and now.

how to make a nuclear bomb, and variants (503 times).

nuclear bombs for sale, and materials variants (35 times).

fucking americans (2 times).

how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush (2 times).

yankee pig dogs (2 times). I like being called yankee pig dog. It has the same level of acerbic mordancy that I’m sure billionaires feel when being called capitalist swine by kids doused in patchouli.

i’m going to bomb america. Listen, boys… I know the FBI is looking out for #1 but you’re not going to catch anyone this way. McVeigh didn’t have a website.

The punchline is too obvious and too tiring to cover up. The number one position for trying to find out how to build, buy, or borrow nuclear weapons is the 40^th country on the list. The United States.

Raw data

Now, the who, the how many, and the selected highlights.

United States, 600.

We seem to know a bit about them already. Surprising number of references to actual models.

• ajax bomb
• b61 nuclear bomb
• b61-7 nuclear weapon
• buy nuclear bomb -book
• do you sell h bombs
• how to get a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• kill americans bomb
• kill all americans (whoops! how did that slip in?)
• nuclear bombs in america and why they are good (optimism over spring, I imagine).
• triton icbm
• uranium hexafluoride dirty bomb

United Kingdom, 154.

Our best friends. Yay for friendship!

• dirty bombs
• how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush
• i want to buy a ss-n-20
• i want to buy nuclear weapons
• i want to buy plutonium
• i want to buy weapons grade plutonium
• i’m going to bomb america
• nuclear bombs and where to buy them
• where can i buy a nuclear bomb?

Canada, 58.

Close reliable neighbors are so important.

Australia, 47.

So like us.

No country (secret shoppers), 47.

• b61-7 nuclear weapon
• buy a nuclear bomb
• how do i make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb
• how to make a nuclear bomb to kill bush
• how to make nuclear bomb
• i want to buy weapons grade plutonium
• i want to buy weapons grade uranium
• nuclear bombs for sale

Finland, 16.

Well, if I were Finnish I’d be thinking about getting some protection too.

• fucking americans

Netherlands, 15.

Hookers and heroin aren’t distraction enough?

India, 12.

We’ll be outsourcing our own production soon so you’ll get all the schematics you need.

Italy, 10.

E tu?

Belgium, 10.

Still mad we call them French fries, eh?

New Zealand, 9.

Hey, we prop up your economy with fantasy epics!

Japan, 9.

Well, that’s a fine konichiwa.

• fucking americans

Denmark, 9.

Still and forever rotten.

China, 8.

They don’t ask much because…

1. Don’t need to—have plenty already.
2. Risk being shot in the back of the head for visiting my site.

France, 7.

• kill all americans

One is tempted to ask: And how about the Rwandans?

Israel, 7.

Well, I’m sure it’s difficult to spell in Hebrew too. Or Bedawi, Fellahi, and such.

• nuclear detonator (the only difficult part of an a-bomb)
• israel nuklier strategic
• israel nyucler
• newclear bombs
• newclear weapon

Germany, 6.

You had your turn turns. Let someone else play.

Also ran

The runners up in this beauty pageant.

Brazil, 5.

Sweden, 4.

Republic of Korea, 4.

Pakistan, 3.

Surprisingly poor showing.

Norway, 3.

Oi san—what a brother does to a brother.

South Africa, 3.

What?

Portugal, 3.

What? What?!

Philippines, 3.

Switzerland, 2.

That’s not very neutral of you.

Ireland, 2.

Greece, 2.

Mexico, 2.

Hong Kong Special Administrative Region of China, 2.

Malaysia, 2.

Egypt, 1.

Surprising lack of Internet cafés in Egypt.

Russian Federation, 1.

Bulgaria, 1.

Singapore, 1.

Latvia, 1.

Turkey, 1.

Iceland, 1.

Maldives, 1.

Yugoslavia, 1.

Croatia, 1.

Poland, 1.

Not gonna do it.

Conclusion

You can’t call me a liar, anyway.

07/28/2004 The second report is here.