Do you know who the biggest asshole in the world is?

The dickweed who knew I wouldn’t want to get up early, even though I needed to, and moved the alarm to the other room last night so I’d have to get out of bed to turn it off.

Three French cats went sailing in a bathtub and do you know what happened?

Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq.

I bought the dual G4 I’m typing on right now for three thousand bucks two weeks before Apple announced the new G5s which were better computers and cheaper along with the improved specs.

iPhone? $200? Pardon my French but y’all are a bunch of fucking crybabies.

Not to rub salt in it but I feel now is the time to remind you that AT&T, the only carrier for the iPhone, gives phone records to the government without so much as an if-you-please, let alone a warrant.

You know what I was thinking about yesterday and don’t have the energy to expand into a real post? Ah, to Hell with that. Post away, Merrill.

Absurdism, especially in the political realm, is a sort of uber-cynicism. Where cynicism still leaves room for hope, and being hurt, absurdism defies it all. When I realized this I figured a couple of things 1) it’s the next literary wave (rewave really, I never forget my Brautigan), 2) it means I’m more of a snob than I realized. 2.1) Some “people” should quit egging me on. Face.

But another realization that came with it is that forward similarities aside there is a tremendous difference in the back-end—as we say in IT and I hear is said in the odd Turkish bath—between a clown and a jester.

I never noticed how intensely orange some of their eyes are till I caught this guy. Put him right back unharmed.

_   /|
\'o.O'
=(___)=
   U    ack!

Did you hear someone is writing a Java version of ack? Yeah, it’s called jack and I want to let everyone know because I keep hearing that Java developers don’t know jack.

The Biblical context Pulp Fiction jokes require knowledge of ancient Egyptian to enjoy.

NYT: “The Myth, the Math, the Sex”

The lede is something only a woman or a wounded gay man could have written sure enough that it didn’t need even the pretense of science or citation. We’ll take Ms Kolata at her word in regards to gender.

Everyone knows men are promiscuous by nature. August 12, 2007, Gina Kolata¹ for The NY Times

Her article goes on to show it has been mathematically proved that men do not have that much sex.

It is about time for mathematicians to set the record straight, said David Gale, an emeritus professor of mathematics at the University of California, Berkeley.

“Surveys and studies to the contrary notwithstanding, the conclusion that men have substantially more sex partners than women is not and cannot be true for purely logical reasons,” Dr. Gale said.

Ah, UC Berkeley. No finer shopping mall for mind-altering substances in the world. Ask any emeritus looking to get some press to heat up his speaking engagements and chances for an eponymous wing on the new maths building. I might add, speaking as a rock musician, it’s about time to set the record straight in regards to how much horizontal horseplay mathematicians get: slim to none.

Now, maybe I can barely follow the goodies that drive the Diffie-Hellman but I’m pretty sure that unless everyone is having sex—and with the assumption of an equal number of hetero men and women—it’s just not that simple. Take our own case–

The rough and ready conclusion being that more women are getting some but some men are getting more. There’s your soundbite. Now can we please stop all this talk of logic? If not we then follow the above graphic with its implications.

I recently opined that soon prison camps would be the new black. Comedy. And that cynicism, by the light of the interrogator’s lamps, makes a poor defense against that which makes one cynical.

I propose that the safety of the cynicism—the safe parties being those in office, etc—can be maintained by easing into it. No need to boil us all at once. If you do it one American at a time, you’ll get there. The key to making investment work for you is just to be consistent and patient. You can avoid armed revolution easily if you do this in baby steps.

The best way to approach this is not to stuff the gays into prison camps, though I know you’d like to. Nor the Asians, among whom lurk the only consistent terrorists in the world outside the parking spot known as Israel. Nor even those who collaborate with Arabs.

I propose instead that we round up a palatable combination of these, making it entirely unobjectionable to the voting herd by its very focus. The first ones in prison camp will be gay Asians who have worked with North African Arabs. In fact, let’s even do a warm-up and make it only those Arab-friendly, gay Asians who have actually been in an American prison camp before. There are issues of recidivism and possible desire for revenge for being locked up for no reason the first time.

In short, I propose George Takei is the real danger to America and should be locked up before the smoking gun is whatever kind of cloud cobalt bombs and photon torpedoes produce.