I like insects better than you #19
Wednesday, 12 July 2006
I mean really… paste this image up in your bathroom mirror and tell me you don’t agree.
An actual flicker picture, a real lily-rumped flicker
Saturday, 8 July 2006
And I thought my ass was lily white.
Headlines this Friday
Friday, 23 June 2006
TV producer Aaron Spelling dies at 83
…and…
Friday is happiest day of the year, British scholar finds
Coincidence? I think not.
Fuck the troops
Monday, 12 June 2006
When you say, “Support the troops,” what you really mean is “Don’t criticize this war.” When you say, “Don’t criticize this war,” what you’re really saying is, “Fuck the troops.”
I’m an American. I love my country and want the best for its future because it’s my future, my family’s. There is no other country quite the same nor as free though I don’t think it’s nearly free enough but that’s a cat for another skinning.
The troops are not protecting me, my family, or my country. Iraq was no threat to the US. The President, his puppeteers, and a chorus of sycophants filtered, distorted, and manipulated the information at hand to suggest otherwise. It was lies. You heard half of them yourself. The whole incident, the whole cabal, will be remembered as a horrifying joke. Historians will run races against James Buchanan, Andrew Johnson, Franklin Pierce, and George W Bush to select the worst US President in history.
The troops are not eliminating terrorism. They are spawning it. Massive amounts of it. There were no terrorists to speak of in Iraq before the war. It’s now a breeding ground for it. Just like Afghanistan was when Russia invaded there in 1979 and the CIA propped up freedom fighters. One you know by name: Osama bin Laden.1
The troops are hurting me. They’re taking my tax dollars to live 6,000 miles away and expend expensive ordnance. They’re making it unsafe for me to lay my American passport down when I travel in places like Indonesia or Africa. They’re teaching the world that American soldiers can shoot an unarmed, wounded man to death on camera and it’s not a crime. They’re implying to the world that I somehow support that instead of lynching the morons who get away with it.
The troops are hurting Iraq. Hussein was a beast but he was, of late, a stable and relatively innocuous one. The Baghdad morgue is taking in more than 1,000 murder victims a month and the number has been steadily rising since the war started. It’s also a minimum because many murders go unreported and unrecognized. This is a single city in Iraq where 20,000 civilians will be murdered this year. It will be called civil unrest but 20,000 dead in one city is a combination of anarchy and civil war. In New York City, 1.6 times more populous than Baghdad, there will be around 600 murders this year.
The troops are decent men killing innocent people because the situation backs them into corners they can shoot through but can’t see around. They’re getting hammered with things that cause post traumatic stress in strong men. As the news from Abu Ghraib, Ishaqi, Haditha, and even the American soil of Guantanamo Bay suggests, they’re being turned into monsters by these forced situations.
Far above reasonable averages, they’re coming home to divorces. They’re coming home unemployable, unable to function in normal society; damaged goods, psychological splatter damage. They’re coming home to kill their wives. They’re coming home to kill themselves. They’re even coming home with the potential to be the exact thing they’re supposedly stopping, the worst single terrorist we’ve had.
The price you think the war is exacting on them isn’t just a couple of body bags stuffed in flag-wrapped oak boxes a day. The price of this is a book of blank checks without so much as an expiration date. Stop signing them.
Support the troops? Bring them the fuck home and give everyone who wants it an honorable discharge so they can get back to taking care of America in person. Then everyone here could support them in ways that aren’t a twisted piece of jingoism tied to bumpers with yellow ribbons.
[temporary update: 2 December 2007]
Got a flood of new comments. Some did not approve in the time limit. I manually approved many a bit later than they were written.
I would also like to take the chance to remind everyone that we will have a new Chief Executive soon. Of all those running there are only four—Dodd, Gravel, Kucinich, and Paul—who are talking directly about getting out of Iraq and not getting into Iran. Ron Paul in particular has stirred up a surprising amount of support.
Anyone reading this who is serious about getting out of the war game for at least a few years, please, you must vote for one of those men. If you do not, the next round of broken servicemen plus 1,000,000 foreign dead and 5,000,000 refugees are on your head.
Clinton, Giuliani, Obama, and the others will continue Iraq given the chance—they most all voted for it and continue to fund it including building a huge, permanent, fortified embassy there right now—and are likely to let it jump off on Iran.
Ron Paul would beat Hillary Clinton in an election. You know it’s true. That 10% block of voters who won’t vote lesser evil are going to him (or Kucinich or nowhere).
To get something different, you have to act differently. Please. Think about it. Ron Paul can win. We can put an end to this.
1 Update, 21 December 2007: There is apparently no consensus or paper trail linking bin Laden with CIA money. With the CIA’s penchant for falsifying, hiding, and destroying evidence this is not entirely convincing but burden of proof is what it is and it ain’t there. He was in Afghanistan fighting Soviets at the time we were pouring money and weapons into Afghanistan. So, at the least, we were implicit allies.
This week in the news #2
Saturday, 3 June 2006
United States seen lagging on stem cell research
And that’s not the worst of it. We’re a full decade behind in falsifying stem cell research data.
Girls overtake boys as binge drinkers: study
Boys overtake girls passed out in the guest room: hump.
Prehistoric ecosystem found in Israeli cave
Doctor of biology Hanan Dimantman remarks, “Every species we examined had no eyes which means they lost their sight due to evolution.” Lack of vision turns out a well selected quality thereabouts.
Prince Albert says he’s father to girl, 14
Do you have Prince Albert in a can? Well, that was your first mistake. You should have him in a rubber.
US rejects North Korea invitation
Dog soup and spicy pickled cabbage cited in reluctance to participate in closed-door talks.
Anna Nicole Smith: “Yes, I am pregnant”
And in a first ever, the sonogram revealed the fetus pleading for a mercy abortion.
Me: Jesus!!
Myself: You say that an awful lot for an atheist. Issues much?
Me: Where in the Hell does that crap come from?
Myself: It’s called brinkmanship, man, and it’s what it takes to keep your seat in the game.
Me: …
Myself: You’re saying she didn’t ask for it? Doesn’t? Every moment she draws breath?
Me: Well, hold on now. No one’s saying that.
Michael Moore Sued by Iraq War Vet
Apparently someone led Sergeant Damon to believe that arms could be reattached at $42,000,000 apiece. Or perhaps that his suffering, being worth only a human oil change or two at the VA, is worth more in Hollywood bucks.
Women gaining on men in advanced fields
In a related set of data, women are nearly at parity for plagiarism and cribbed exam notes.
Study wants nuclear weapons outlawed
Great idea! Now we just need a couple of countries with the might to enforce such a restriction. If we only had some sort of ultimate consequence with which to threaten violators we’d be guaranteed complete compliance worldwide. Ah, the paradise of world peace always just an angstrom out of reach.
Study wants nuclear weapons outlawed (take 2)
Website wants anthropomorphized nouns taken out back and shot.
Man severs penis to prove faithfulness
Woman pulls out own eyes to show she can stay on a diet.
New Orleans levees repaired
Yay! Now the local officials can finally get back to redirecting those monies where they were going for the 20 years previous they were supposed to be spent fixing the levees: untraceable slush funds and kickbacks.
Vargas exit provokes debate, unease
Cohn pull-out garners skepticism, doubt.
Montreal jazz festival unveils lineup
Dictionary unveils definition of jazz invalidates festival lineup.
New technology probes ancient Greek manuscript
Web satirist probes “Greek” joke. Finds gag still holds its own. And that of its younger male companion.
What’s the emoticon for a rim-shot?
Oh!
If imitation in the sincerest form of flattery, does that make theft of design into carnal obsession?
Wednesday, 31 May 2006
And if so, don’t you think you should ask before you try to fuck me?
Their site
My site
At least it’s not some retarded Canadian satellite scam artist stealing from me this time. I appear, at least, to be coming up in the world.
Study: US mothers deserve a Boy Scout’s assistance with their gonads
Tuesday, 23 May 2006
Sorry this wasn’t ready for Mother’s Day. I’ve been busy… uh… with important things. Like the Mercenaries mini-game in Resident Evil 4.
Reuters lately reported as news a marketing gimmick from salary-dot-com—and plenty of normally sober men with nice wives picked it up—detailing the imagination-time earning power of the average US mother. [Ed: note to Canadian moms, the dollar figures are in money, not in snow pesos.]
Me: You did not.
Myself: What do you want? Jody’s got a sense of humor.
Me: You went after his old lady, man.
Myself: Hey! I’m not the one implying the hen is past her spring. Besides. Where do you get off bringing this here? But I guess it’s not like you’re doing a lot of writing on the old log, huh?
Me: You know, we’ve got real health insurance now and I’ll bet a good therapist could clear you right up.
Myself: Ha! Sign us up. We’ll see who’s still here when the dust settles.
So, U.S. mothers are apparently worth $134,121 in salary.
To reach the projected pay figures, the survey calculated the earning power of the 10 jobs respondents said most closely comprise a mother’s role — housekeeper, day-care teacher, cook, computer operator, laundry machine operator, janitor, facilities manager, van driver, chief executive and psychologist.
Okay. See, I’m at the playground, or the store, or the park, or the aquarium, or the zoo, or the kid’s museum almost every day. I know how well these moms are doing their “jobs.”
Housekeeper. You mean put dishes in the machine and wipe up? Run a vacuum around now and then? Turn a washing machine on and move a load two feet to the dryer? Maybe you’ve been in a cave and the whole illegal immigrant thing hasn’t reached you but that labor is worth minimum wage without benefits. So that’s 2 hours a day—tops!—by $5.00 an hour. $80 a week.
Already up to $5,000 a year. See! Finishing high-school was totally worth it.
Day-care teacher. You mean turn on Nick Jr? Buy another cartridge for the V-tech? Teacher… teacher…? Aren’t American kids the ones who can’t find Mexico and Canada on a map? Isn’t this the country where barely 13% of children understand that all animals, including humans, arrived in their present form via evolution?
Cook. Happy meals, snacks with 35 grams of sugar a serving, and ice cream for 1 year-olds? 15% of American kids are overweight. I ate at most all my friends’ houses and none of them is in the Michelin Guide because they don’t give fractions of a star. Mulligan’s Stew is just not served.
Computer operator! I worked in a technology company’s customer service email and call center. A computer operator is someone who doesn’t need help with a computer. A typist you’re trying to replace before she can do any more damage is your mom.
Laundry machine operator. See “housekeeper.”
Janitor; ibid.
Facilities manager. Oh, lord. Well, at least I got a laugh out of the list. Moving the couch and changing a light bulb doesn’t make you qualified to run a “facility.”
Van driver. Yeah, that’s right. They actually didn’t make this job sound as hard as it really is what with putting on make-up and telephoning Oprah-friends while tailgating at 15 over the limit. Thank the Lord for air bags.
Chief executive. Well, when you consider luminaries like Kenneth Lay I suppose most moms are entirely qualified for this role. I wonder how much they increase the profit in the company each year. I heard your mom was bringing in like $100-$200 a night, one Jackson at a time.
Psychologist. Here’s a recent example overheard on the playground–
Girl of 5: Why did he do that?
Mom: Boy’s just do stuff like that, honey.
Malpractice insurance and perennial suits wipe out that portion of the income.
So, what’s a mom worth?
How about Andrea Yates or Susan Smith or any of the garden variety backwards twats I see hitting their kids in the mall parking lot every weekend?
We seem to talk a lot about fathers being poor parents. About this leading to problems in later life. We seem to forget that mothers are still the primary caregivers for children. We seem to forget that most every murderer, molester, petty thief, and even American president had a mother. A mother who had thousands of days to steer a child right.
How many children do you see on an even keel today? Making it to adulthood happy and prepared for life? Answer that and you’ll know how much mothers are worth.
