Getting a blow job from a stripper is like getting surgery from a veterinarian. Yeah, they can probably manage it but if you want quality, go for the pro.¹

A few days later but the same place. They seem to like the Indian plum leaves.

Marsha found it was easier to just go ahead and get a cat than to continue to say, "No. Why?" when guests first entered her house.

Now I know the 21 miles you had left to SEATAC is not far when you’re going 300 miles per hour but you were still a bit low, boys. The local birds fly higher.

The only thing I will admit changed in me post Autumn of 2001 is that I don’t fucking like jet planes to be flying where I have never seen them fly before.

That boy’s more full of shit than Timmy McVeigh’s moving van.

’Course it just reminds one that being full of shit does not mean harmless and sometimes should command a little caution and respect.

Top Hamas official: Kill all Americans

take 1

Ashley: Stupid terrorist! Be. More. Original.

take 2

Just to remark that I read the original transcripts and they were translated quite badly. He did not say, “Kill all Americans.” He used an inflected form of the genitive meaning, roughly, “land upon which American Indians live.” He was really just siding with about 10 US presidents and America in general offering his support for the genocide of any indigenous populations which stand in the way of freedom’s progress.

Rage Against the Machine rages at Coachella music festival

[Zack de la Roch] also railed against the war in Iraq and likened Bush administration officials to Nazi war criminals.

“This current administration is no exception. They should be tried and hung and shot,” he said.

Solvej Schou, Associated Press

That’s why I’ve always hated these guys. That is so wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong. You absolutely do not hang and shoot them. You shoot them then hang them. What the hell has happened to etiquette in this country?

Plus — quit stealing my material. All y’all are like 18 months behind on everything I post.

Fiery crash collapses Bay Area freeway

A gasoline tanker crashed and burst into flames near the San Francisco-Oakland Bay Bridge on Sunday, creating such intense heat that a stretch of highway melted and collapsed. Marcus Wohlsen, Associated Press

It’s a conspiracy, man!!! We all know that there is no such thing as fire hot enough to make steel supported concrete collapse.

Oh, but the Lord loves Hisself some idiots.

Love plans to sell Cobain’s belongings

That doesn’t sounds like her. It seems so classless and desperate. Not whorey and grasping.

Employer beheads worker for not milking cows

There. Now we all know the actual definition of an overreaction.

Okay, I know what you’re thinking but it’s uniquely dangerous to shoot the agent of your Karma.

Still, I want you to take a moment and curse me. Really let it out. Start a comment in your mind. All the expletives you can affix to the word “misogynist.”

Now, there are some good reasons to go after her that we won’t really dig as deeply as I’d like because she’s pulled her posts; the epitome of bad netiquette by the way. She recently pretended to prove that Cho Seung-hui was a Pakistani Moslem, making the Virginia Tech massacre another reason Iran needs to be returned to sender. Why would someone do this? Because she cannot tell the difference between two different men of a race other than her own. Well, not her own, but… oh, dear, better not.

Why I’m entitled to do the pictorial above–

NAAFA hails fat celebrities, like actress Camryn Manheim ("I proudly say I'm a size 24. I really, really don't want a life without tiramisu," she told Marie Claire mag), author of New York Times best-seller "Wake Up, I'm Fat." Wake up, you're disgusting.

This is what she said about Camryn Manheim, a woman who is not only very talented but seems to be enjoying her life. Wouldn’t that be something, Debbie!

Calling people fat has a rich tradition of the old boomerang. I remember when Al Franken put on about 100lbs right after he published Rush Limbaugh Is a Big Fat Idiot and Other Observations. I can only lament I never read the book since I’m sure the other observations were equally keen.

This got me reflecting though. What if I get fat someday? Won’t everyone get a big laugh out of that because I insulted so many heavy people? But I realized I haven’t. I generally don’t put much stock in looks, color, size, whatnot. Only when it’s ironic, like a Yiddish girl having trouble telling two completely different Korean men apart or calling some woman disgusting for refusing to be ashamed of enjoying dessert. Maybe Debbie’s just jealous. She shouldn’t be though. She’d have an Emmy® too if they had a category for Best Post By a Deranged Unconsciously Ironic Racist Bitch. They can’t give them all to Malkin and Coulter.

I do call a lot of people stupid though. A lot. I wish automatic readers could read italics. I feel bad that my section 508 readers don’t know that “a lot” was just in italics.

So I was getting nervous that I’ll be stupid someday. That’s how it works. The Gods love that shit. But I think it’s more of a Flowers for Algernon situation because the great thing about calling other people idiots is that if I’m someday struck on the head by a dresser falling off some Okie’s unsecured load of crap on the Interstate and lose most of my IQ, I will be too stupid to comprehend the irony of ever having called anyone stupid.

Dear ______, ______, and _______,

From what I hear, you got your shot with an A&R guy in New York City. Private audition. You spent all night before partying and getting coked out of your minds. You blew the audition and any chance you’d ever have of getting signed.

Maybe it was just exaggerated gossip but it sure sounded like you guys to me.