I like my crane flies like I like my women: all shoulders and knees, and gravid.

Reverend Jerry Falwell Dies at 73

Ron Godwin, the university’s executive vice president … said Falwell “has a history of heart challenges.” Associated Press

We will be sending Mr Godwin a check our prayers to cover this most excellent punchline epitaph.

Do you suppose it’s finally enough to get us banned in France? I did recently inherit some Nazi memorabilia.

Do you further suppose it will eventually be illegal in some states to sell or promote GOP artifacts?

Bill Clinton warns of looming disasters

Sounds like I’m not the only one quite correctly frightened by the notion of President Hillary.

German man found after 7 years dead in bed

These stories pop-up semi-regularly at this point.

Pope: God Will Punish Drug Dealers

Apparently by visiting lots of evil on their heads like more girls than they know how to please in one evening and more money than they know how to spend on cars, stereo equipment, and video games.

Christians and atheists start a calmer dialogue

Atheists: Several million people have been killed for your faith. You ostracize, fire, or otherwise punish non-believers and outsiders at every opportunity. You’re currently involved in yet another bloody conflict which has no political or military rationale. You undermine basic education and redraft science and medicine to fit your own medieval dogma. You are desperate for the world to end because your faith says the destruction of the world is the best possible thing that could happen for a faithful Christian. For the love of all that is good and holy, stop it!

Christians: You forgot to say please.

Human Papilloma Virus Linked to Throat Cancer

Oral sex is probably the main way the virus is transmitted… Michael Smith, MedPage Today

All I can think about now is the poor boys who are going to have to explain to their parents five years ahead of schedule why exactly they should be getting the shots alongside their sisters.

unanswered questions of the bible

• Is there sentient life on other planets?
• What causes illness and how do you cure it?
• How do you build a load bearing arch or dome?
• How do human organs work?
• Why is aspirin toxic to cats but not dogs?
• How old is the Earth?
• Why can’t an eagle breed with a hawk when a horse can breed with an ass or a zebra?
• What is the gravitational constant?
• Is a virus alive?
• How do bees communicate?
• What kind of light lies beyond human sight?
• Is there enough water in the world to cover the entire Earth’s surface?
• How do you start a heart that has stopped beating?
• What makes the sky appear blue?
• Why does God allow communication satellites when He wouldn’t allow the Tower of Babel?
• How many planets are there?
• How do you make a vaccine?
• Will the Earth reach tidal lock before the sun burns out?
• When is Jesus coming back?

So, yeah, pretty much every single question in the entire world except why you better kill your kids in a hurry when the Lord asks and how to rat out a cherished friend for 30 shekels.

This quote—You can’t say you love your country and hate your government.—is from William Jefferson Clinton. Wow, just wow.

Since this idea, if not the vessel from which it squirted, has regained some cachet it’s time to revisit it. Let’s see how much mileage it’s got.

You can’t say you love medical science and hate the doctor who killed your mom because he’s incompetent and performs surgery drunk.

You can’t say you love having someone take your trash away each week but you hate the garbage man who keeps throwing your bin in the bushes.

You can’t say you love education and hate the teacher who molested your 7 year-old.

You can’t say you love pornography and hate taking the money shot.

You can’t say you love swimming and hate being eaten by alligators.

You can’t say you love asdf and hate qwerty.

Do you know what Bill Clinton’s IQ is? I don’t but I can tell you the IQ of anyone who even for a moment considered that it could possibly be 180 is no better than half that.

And do not forget–

You can’t say you love the Internet and hate Sedition·com.

This is why if I had a children’s book publishing house I would hire the dirtiest bastards I could find to read manuscripts before publication and give feedback about what might come off sexual or inappropriate. Neil and Jeff would probably appreciate the extra income too.

Slow news day and I’m not sure if I want to publish The 99 Names of God (revised) and get a fatwa on me before my concealed pistol license is renewed in a couple weeks.

So, we’re now carbon neutral.

Strange thing is, I’m not even sure how I feel about it because it’s hard to see through all the poses and phoniness swirling around the global warming issue like so many bad hurricane predictions. I skimmed the website of the folks they buy their offset credits from and while some of it sounds great, much of it comes off as Orwellian marketsprak. Maybe they just have assholes in their marketing department. But what are the odds of that?

The entire dealio is real too because we just went 100% wind power [Ed: this is not actually a pun] at the home office. What’s a few thousand birds with cracked skulls in the name of protecting nature? Oh, uh…

Red Rock West, if you were curious.

Getting a blow job from a stripper is like getting surgery from a veterinarian. Yeah, they can probably manage it but if you want quality, go for the pro.¹