David Neiwert? I love him! He’s the kind of strong friend of mankind who would gladly exchange another million dead foreigners for the simple price of restricting a democracy that happens to represent any dangerous views he doesn’t already accept. What’s the only thing worse than a corporate America which funds the Right?² A bunch of trailer trash who have $103 each.³

New species to me. Nice looker. More silvery-gray-black than the flash photo shows. Found indoors and escorted out. With the shape, fur, and big spinnerets it looks like a trapdoor spider to me.

When you misunderstood what I was trying to explain to you on the phone about my unwillingness to put your wife’s label paper through our copiers at Copy Queen you cut me off, aggressively asking, “Are you calling my wife a liar?” Even years later I feel the need to clarify and apologize.

I was absolutely not calling your wife a liar, as I said ineffectively at the time. I am sorry if somehow I conveyed that. I never thought it for a moment. It was accidental and pure cloddishness on my part. And I suppose a side-effect of trying to account for the situation without saying what we both clearly knew — that your wife was an idiot unable to navigate the most simple errand without calling for help.

PS: If it wasn’t cocaine that was toggling your conversational modalities that day, I highly encourage you to seek anger therapy. Or, you know, leave veterinary medicine, get your MBA, and go into money management where Type A personalities seem to shine.

Found outside the house

Found inside the house

Now compare and contrast. You’ll be graded on a lack of resulting neatness in depictions of possible conclusions.

First, why do you want to get rid of it? Tomboys are hot. They’re the perfect outlet for men who are straight but attracted to masculinity. So I say keep it! Don’t get rid of it unless, of course, you’re having trouble tolerating all that anal sex.

It being Christmas Eve and all, I’ll tell you what someone told me. The only reason I got a 100% instead of a 96% or whatever. You don’t have to know why or what. Just remember the following–

13'6"

Make your “thank you” checks payable to the Orphans of Internet Pr0n.

Just in time to save the day night. This picture was taken 10 minutes ago. First owl I’ve seen in 7 years here. Great night to show up.

HR 1955: Violent Radicalization and Homegrown Terrorism Prevention Act of 2007.

1.3% of House Democrats voted against this. Specifically, three of them. Here are the ones who voted for it. Specifically, the ones you voted for.

Gary Ackerman, Thomas Allen, Jason Altmire, Robert Andrews, Michael Arcuri, Joe Baca, Brian Baird, Tammy Baldwin, John Barrow, Melissa Bean, Xavier Becerra, Shelley Berkley, Howard Berman, Robert Berry, Timothy Bishop, Earl Blumenauer, Dan Boren, Leonard Boswell, Frederick Boucher, F. Boyd, Nancy Boyda, Robert Brady, Bruce Braley, Corrine Brown, George Butterfield, Lois Capps, Michael Capuano, Dennis Cardoza, Russ Carnahan, Christopher Carney, Kathy Castor, Ben Chandler, Yvette Clarke, William Clay, Emanuel Cleaver, James Clyburn, Steve Cohen, Jim Costa, Joe Courtney, Robert Cramer, Joseph Crowley, Henry Cuellar, Elijah Cummings, Lincoln Davis, Peter DeFazio, Diana DeGette, Rosa DeLauro, William Delahunt, Norman Dicks, John Dingell, Lloyd Doggett, Joe Donnelly, Michael Doyle, Thomas Edwards, Keith Ellison, Brad Ellsworth, Rahm Emanuel, Eliot Engel, Anna Eshoo, Bob Etheridge, Sam Farr, Chaka Fattah, Bob Filner, Barney Frank, Gabrielle Giffords, Kirsten Gillibrand, Charles Gonzalez, Barton Gordon, Raymond Green, Raul Grijalva, Luis Gutierrez, John Hall, Phil Hare, Jane Harman, Alcee Hastings, Stephanie Herseth Sandlin, Brian Higgins, Baron Hill, Maurice Hinchey, Rub?n Hinojosa, Mazie Hirono, Paul Hodes, Tim Holden, Rush Holt, Michael Honda, Darlene Hooley, Steny Hoyer, Jay Inslee, Steve Israel, Jesse Jackson, Sheila Jackson-Lee, William Jefferson, Henry Johnson, Stephanie Jones, Steve Kagen, Paul Kanjorski, Marcy Kaptur, Patrick Kennedy, Dale Kildee, Carolyn Kilpatrick, Ronald Kind, Ron Klein, Nicholas Lampson, James Langevin, Tom Lantos, Rick Larsen, John Larson, Barbara Lee, Sander Levin, John Lewis, Daniel Lipinski, David Loebsack, Zoe Lofgren, Nita Lowey, Stephen Lynch, Tim Mahoney, Carolyn Maloney, Edward Markey, James Marshall, Jim Matheson, Doris Matsui, Carolyn McCarthy, Betty McCollum, James McDermott, James McGovern, Mike McIntyre, Jerry McNerney, Michael McNulty, Kendrick Meek, Gregory Meeks, Charles Melancon, Michael Michaud, R. Miller, Harry Mitchell, Alan Mollohan, Gwen Moore, James Moran, Patrick Murphy, John Murtha, Jerrold Nadler, Grace Napolitano, Richard Neal, James Oberstar, David Obey, John Olver, Solomon Ortiz, Frank Pallone, William Pascrell, Edward Pastor, Donald Payne, Ed Perlmutter, Collin Peterson, Earl Pomeroy, David Price, Nick Rahall, Charles Rangel, Laura Richardson, Ciro Rodriguez, Mike Ross, Steven Rothman, Lucille Roybal-Allard, C.A. Ruppersberger, Bobby Rush, Timothy Ryan, John Salazar, Loretta Sanchez, John Sarbanes, Janice Schakowsky, Adam Schiff, Allyson Schwartz, Robert Scott, Jos? Serrano, Joe Sestak, Carol Shea-Porter, Heath Shuler, Albio Sires, Ike Skelton, Louise Slaughter, Adam Smith, Victor Snyder, Hilda Solis, Zackary Space, John Spratt, Fortney Stark, Bart Stupak, Betty Sutton, John Tanner, Ellen Tauscher, Gene Taylor, Bennie Thompson, John Tierney, Edolphus Towns, Niki Tsongas, Tom Udall, Christopher Van Hollen, Nydia Velazquez, Peter Visclosky, Timothy Walz, Debbie Wasserman Schultz, Maxine Waters, Diane Watson, Melvin Watt, Henry Waxman, Anthony Weiner, Peter Welch, Robert Wexler, David Wu, Albert Wynn, and John Yarmuth.

Credit for the catch belongs to UFO Breakfast Recipients, Vichy Democrats.

what does it mean when someone is dismissive of your pain?

Context. Context. Context.

A) Are you barely ambulatory after a recent major accident, surgery, or death of a close relative? It means the person is dickweed. Fuck him. Better, send me his email address and I’ll talk him into suicide.

B) Are you going on about something that happened more than six months ago that didn’t physically harm you seriously or put you into a psychiatric hospital? Let it go. You need to move on. The person in question might be trying to help you do it.

C) Are you whining and misting up about health problems you brought on yourself with diet or inactivity, or something you wouldn’t give a flying fig about if you didn’t see it in the news every day? It means you’re a loser and you’re going to continue to lose until you take the variegated clues life has been piling on and extract your cranium from your rectum. Sympathy is a show with a limited run. Pain is there to tell you to do something about it. Either do something about it or shut up.

The “yer mamma is so fat” jokes require a degree in ancient literature to understand.

Zimbabwe inflation hits record high

And Will Smith officially has the the widest hatband in el Pueblo de Nuestra Señora la Reina de los Culos Sombreros.

Poll: Some Germans see good in Nazi rule

Let me guess. About 32%?

Poker game led to Pamela Anderson’s latest marriage

Tripping and falling on a semi-erect pecker at Central Casting expected to lead to knot #4.

Scientists narrow optimism area in brain

And they expect to continue doing so for the foreseeable future.

Too much support may hamper kids’ development

Well, that’s excellent. My kids have nothing standing in their way.