My new favorite album doesn’t exist. From my maritime shipping consultant I discover the delightful formula for making album covers posited by theoretical drink mixer Fish-Fish McCarlsteinfreud.

And the back cover with song list.

Any designer who cares should treat this as an exercise to be completed once a month. We’ll see if I care.

[Image links go to the image sources.]

…yesterday he sighed and said, “Aw, I wish I was famous like you.”

Getting him a little red electric guitar today. Oh, yeah.

It’s legal for me, in most of the US, to pay 10 girls to fuck each other with Dale Chihuly’s entire fall exhibition, and fuck the ever living feces out of some poor 10" peckered freak’s Viagra saturated corpus. As long as I film it for distribution and make sure to make copies of it available for sale. Then it’s called pornography and it’s entirely legal, almost, everywhere in the US.

It’s illegal for me, almost, everywhere in the US to pay a woman, or a man for that matter, $200 for 30 minutes worth of service. I know you can’t do that kind of work all day but that does net you over a half million dollars a year at that rate and while most of the prostitutes out there don’t clear that, some do, and most make much more than they would in futile and socially sterile battles with Word docs and Xerox collating functions.

I can pay people to have sex as long as I’m not one of them. I dare add there isn’t a porn producer in America who doesn’t get comped plenty. The hypocrisy of the American public is so chillingly cognitive dissonant that it would make ears bleed if synesthesia were applied.

I further dare add that a statistically significant number of marriages would dissolve instantly were the cash flow to suddenly go dry. But they’re not whores! They truly care about their clients husbands. The mortgage crisis will be bringing ’em out of the woodwork. If I were single, I’d be looking forward to the blooming buyers’ market.

These are a skosh sloppier visually than I’d like but if I don’t post them now I never will. The goal is to cuddle the drop caps but not too closely. Click for the PDF it produces.

And the raw LaTeX

… [read more]

I want my hour back, you fucking prick.

Juan “in a million” Cole—now I’m guilty of vile debasements, but it was worth it—often gets the goods and does nice reporting. Why I tune in. But Christ!–

I want to say something about Barack Hussein Obama’s name. It is a name to be proud of. It is an American name. It is a blessed name. It is a heroic name, as heroic and American in its own way as the name of General Omar Nelson Bradley or the name of Benjamin Franklin. And denigrating that name is a form of racial and religious bigotry of the most vile and debased sort. It is a prejudice against names deriving from Semitic languages! Barack Hussein Obama, Omar Bradley, Benjamin Franklin and other Semitically Named American Heroes

In just one paragraph, so much untreated sewage.

American names look like Sacagawea, Goyaałé, Thašųka Witko, and sometimes things like Free Dominguez and Moon Unit Zappa. Barack Hussein Obama is a Muslim + Kenyan name. You don’t have to pretend it’s American to treat it like any other name. Things are not rendered better or more acceptable just because of that ever more slippery adjective. Getting on the contrary bandwagon is why Bush has power. You, Juan Cole, are building up the power of the next version of George Bush.

Names cannot be heroic. What horrible treatment of language. How many orphans did his name pull from a burning bus? His name is blesséd? Who the fuck blessed him? God? Or do you think he is blessed because he was lucky enough to be born on US soil instead of Kenyan dirt?

Being proud of a name you were given is the same thing as being proud of your kidneys or toenails. Pride in something you didn’t do is the real root of all Evil. Let’s say for example pride in your race. Oh, you disagree. Well, all right. I’ll give white pride a try. I mean we won’t be a majority much longer so I guess it’s my last chance to follow your advice.

Making fun of names is not the most vile and debased denigration. On the contrary, it’s the most obvious and childish. And like many things obvious and childish, it can be a lot of fun. Anyone who thinks Mssr Cole has a point needs to realize that if you ever in your life made fun of anyone named Danny, Mike, Abe, Sarah, Ruth, Hannah, or half the names in Christendom, you too are a filthy anti-semite!¹

I’d also ask, if Ron Paul’s a liberal in disguise, why on your site are all your graphics in blue and his in red? Oh, well, Texas usually gets what Texas deserves. Down the hatch.

If you have a use for that image, it’s all yours: Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported License.

Speaking of anagrams… anyone for perched sin?

Two points to consider–

1. There is no such state as Western Carolina. Do not be fooled. There is not even a West Carolina. WCU is squarely in Yankee territory. Why would they say Western instead of North? They were late to name their institution and they don’t mind seeming more prestigious to the Southern demographic in need of any acceptance letter.
2. There are more popular institutions which may not offer a prestigious project management degree but do boast the single best seminar on Spanking and Plaid Skirts offered on this or any other continent.

From no less than the chairperson of the APQA, IOZ, we have, through massive and expensive scientific analysis, made a startling discovery. We reveal it here to world, scooping 20/20 and Cheaters. The following is an anagram for “Who is IOZ?”

I wish zoo

There you have it. A hidden message encouraging all Internet users to lust after zoo animals. Conclusive proof that gays practice bestiality. It also makes–

Shoo, I wiz

So maybe it just means that they like to pee in private, or something. Who knows what their twisted minds are capable of!?

When Giuliani got dusted by Ron Paul et al enough to drop out I was quite pleased and told the wife so. I could not possibly imagine a worse President. Not even Bush², I’m afraid. It was looking like Obama might push H to the C down the stairs she clawed so hard to climb for so long thus eliminating the second worst President I could imagine in the pack. So the wife asked if I was feeling better about it all considering the remaining possibilities.

I said, well, yes, in the sense that I’d rather be bitten by a rattlesnake than a cobra.

I can name a hundred Jews who are despicable pieces of human filth. The US prisons are stuffed to the rafters with Protestants. Child molestation is practically part of the canon with Catholics. I’ve spent so many hours jammed up against the groaning doors and windows of buses thanks to Buddhists that I’ve become claustrophobic. Of the thousands of Baptists I’ve met in my life I can safely say only 3 or 4 wouldn’t better serve mankind rendered for bone meal. Most of the Muslims I’ve met are basically Baptists with a different book in hand and slightly less interest in hygiene.

I never met a Mormon I didn’t like. Till Romney. Fucked it up good for me.

You simply cannot write comedy half as funny as real life if you take a minute to really look around yourself.

I swear I’m trying to hang it up but what’s a boy supposed to do?

First the bad news. I post a lot. For 5 years this was a fortnightly production. For the year since I rebuilt the software with Catalyst it’s daily or better. That’s just awful.

Now the good news. I am done for awhile. Hooray! How long? That’s just it. We don’t know. Maybe some time long, maybe some time short. I guess we’ll never know, ’cause you’re not going to visit. You won’t click our URL, will you?

If you think you know better, just keep clicking on these till you learn your lesson–

• Random Sedition·com article
• Random Sedition·com document
• Random QueryLog query and response
• Random definition from Devil’s Dictionary X

I know just last week we said we would not rest this year. That sure is easy to say before you get so damn tired.

I want to close by telling you what I most totally hate about those who are quitting something. It’s how they give advice to everyone on the way out. Always. Perdedores. Weak. Have the grace to accept you’re just a quitter.

So, anyway, here’s my advice to you: Never give advice.